Totally Lost In Space

[LostinSpaceGirl]

Well, I decided to heed my T's advice and go to Sheppard Pratt. I leave tomorrow. But, since making the decision, I have been a mess. I am totally disconnected - like dream walking. I have moments of sheer terror and then total denial and internal arguments that go like this: Why am I going to this place? This isn't me - I'm fine. Nothing that bad ever happened to me. Why does everyone else keep saying this is where I should go? This is a mistake. I don't remember why I am going. I guess that is why I am going.

Then I have this stress catatonic thing happening where I am flexing one or both of my legs straight out or down and don't realize it until my muscle start to cramp - WTF is that?!

Anyway, I wish I were going to Europe for a month instead and keep trying to convince myself that I should just pretend that's what I am doing. I'll bring books on Europe and pretend when I am in lockdown that I am in some haunted castle in Edinburgh.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I've been there twice for a total of seven weeks. Any questions, ask away and I'll answer!

Nobody actually likes going to the hospital, but this is a top rated program and as long as you're open, you'll gain a LOT of skills. You may not get through all the rotations of certain groups, and you'll miss some group sessions due to individual sessions, so my advice is to be proactive and ask for the paperwork on sessions you miss, and definitely get all of it before you leave.

The help chairs can be intimidating, but use them! This is the only place you can get near immediate help when in distress, but only if you go to the chairs to let them know you need help. (Sometimes its easier to sit in a chair than to actually ask for help.)

Practical advice... The beds suck. Take a padded mattress pad if you can. Your own pillows, too. No glass, no metal. You can take things like art supplies if you use them. They keep them locked up until you check them out. Toiletries...no alcohol in the first three ingredients or else you have to check them out at shower time (kind of a pain!) oh, and take earplugs... The unit next door has patients who can be loud, bad planning on the part of the hospial as admitted by the staff! Oh, and a small amount of cash is useful as its nice to be able to go to the gift shop and buy junk food when you get to higher levels. I'm not sure if any of this is in the paperwork you got, as it's been 2 1/2 years since I've been there.

Oh, and you're DID, correct? I'm not so my experience was prolly a bit different. Most patients are diagnosed DID, as they specialize in it. You'll CONSTANTLY be asked to check inside with your other parts. Not being DID, this drove me nuts as by the end I wanted to scream "I'm the only one here!" (The techs tended to treat everyone as DID).

But most importantly, YOU'LL BE FINE!

ETA take warm clothes, layers are good. The unit is COLD! Oh, and your own blanket is nice. Yeah, I've recommended a lot, but I don't know if you're driving or flying...

 

[LostinSpaceGirl]

ScaredofLonely - thank you so much! All practical information is welcome! They provided a list of what to bring / not to bring but your recommendations are so much better! If you think of anything else, let me know - I don't even know what to ask. I'm just bedside myself that I won't be able to blow dry my hair! Did people walk around with wet heads all the time? Silly isn't it - but I hate not having a blow dryer!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Yeah, we all looked pretty bad, but nobody cared! I was one of the few who actually wore makeup (just foundation) as mine was in a fully plastic container. Take a good razor as you can shave when you get to a higher safety level, but of course, you have to check it out in the morning. A good plastic water bottle comes in handy. Definitely take some books to read (I see you've mentioned that), and a journal if you can (I'd take a new one cuz I wouldn't want my older writings to potentially get lost)...and same with anything, don't take things of value (I didn't lose anything but an ice pack i brought from home, so no biggie, but since you don't have control over everything 24/7 it's a good idea to not take anything that would devastate you if lost). Oh, and the ice/heat packs...a number of us found heat or cold to be comforting, so if this is the case with you, just as your hospital dr to write an order for one and you can get it at the med desk. Oh, and I think toiletries have to be in an original container so they can check the ingredients, but I'm not positive. And with metal jewelry it was hit or miss as to whether we were allowed to keep it. My intake person let me keep my watch and bracelets, but others had theirs confiscated. And phone cards, as no cells are allowed (sux, I know).

Of course, this was all accurate advice as of two+ years ago, so I hope not much has changed!

And do one of the comfort wraps in the observation room, even if you don't think you need it. That's the one thing I didn't do, and discovered later how pressure (such as a tight blanket) is so calming to me.

That's all I can think of for now, but I'll be back later.

Honestly, I'm excited for you! Yes, that may sound odd, but I learned SO much while at Sheppard Pratt. My family thinks I hated it b/c they were on the other end of the phone every day listening to me complain, BUT I wouldn't hesitate to go back there if I needed hospitalization again. If you are open to learning and healing, this will be a great step in your healing process, and you will come away knowing a lot! Don't get me wrong, it's tough work, but you'll be in a supportive environment with people who really know how to help you (even if it doesn't seem so at the time.)

ETA bring music if you can... Cords aren't allowed, but I have one of those mini speakers that plug right into a headphone jack and used it with my old school discman lol. Or if you have a newer iPod with built in speakers, even better. But no iPhones =( and they did search thru my CDs and wouldn't let me listen to Dane Cook as he was "inappropriate"

 

[LostinSpaceGirl]

Thanks again, ScaredOfLonely, so much! This is all such great stuff - I don't think much has changed 'cause the lists they provided pretty much follow what you noted. I am really hoping to learn and heal. I crossed my tolerance threshold already and lost my ability to function well - so off I go. I'm making a list of your recommendations in my new journal so I bring them with me.

 

[anthony]

Mmmm... that kind-off sucks ha! The good thing is that you're doing something you obviously want to do, so take all the positives that come from it, then use them to self-analyse all the negatives prior to you leaving. I say well done on pushing yourself.

 

[LostinSpaceGirl]

I'm baaaackkk - and 100% cured (hahaha) - I wish. I did learn alot of "skills" to help increase my functioning in the real world - unfortunately, I learned them while tucked away - way outside the real world and now I am a bit shell shocked and trying to pull the stuff together for use in everyday. Not the easiest thing to do - but practice makes perfect. I never want to go back to Sheppard Pratt - not that it didn't help, but it was like being in jail.

 

[JustBe]

Welcome home! :D

 

[Deleted member 1860]

yes, it IS like jail! I called home every day and cried, and while I know I never want to go back, if I need to be hospitalized, I want to go there. (sorta like the best of the worst I suppose?)

I'm glad you learned a lot. Now to put those skills to the test!

 

[NIKI]

Welcome home! I was wondering if you are in the United States. I have never heard of Sheppard Pratt.

I'm so glad you found this to be helpful for you. :)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I was wondering if you are in the United States. I have never heard of Sheppard Pratt.

Hi Niki,
Sheppard Pratt is located in Baltimore, Maryland, USA.