AlohaDreaming
Bronze Member
Eight months ago, one of my half siblings found me on facebook, and contacted me. I got along great with their family (pardon me if I'm being vague with not stating male or female), till recently. My Sibling never took the time to really get to know me, no phone calls, emails or text messages. No Facebook chats, not even a tagged post here or there, no real contact. I talked more to their spouse, who seemed to be more interested in a relationship with me.
After all this time, it was brought to my attention we had another sibling, whom they had known about for six years. I had just gotten a chance to actually speak to that sibling, and enjoyed the connection a lot. We're very similar and with a great irony live very very close, which is hysterical, being that a relocated some time back to this area.
So, with that new energy and excitement, I decided since I was trying to connect with one sibling, I'd trying to connect to the one that wasn't really trying.
After a short twenty minute conversation, I was startled with the level of negativity I encountered and mistrust of our other sibling. "Well, that can't be true, I have this and that to back it up." Giving no option into hearing someone else's opinion.
I cut the conversation short, because they actually started to hurt me with some of his scathing comments.
Today, trying to be the bigger person, I tried again. The conversation turned personal, and this sibling started taking personal digs at me. I was put into foster care when I was very young, and so they started telling me all these things I knew about my Birth Mother. I was aware of a lot of them. It became this need to hurt me, and the reason was 'Well you need to know the truth.'
I'm very aware of the truth, it's been something I've carried with me for nearly three decades. I've had a hard time with it. This sibling kept saying, Oh, well, your Mom wasn't all that great, you'll forgive her, but you won't forgive my father. Well, technically, we share the same father, so it strikes me as odd that the sibling is so possessive of this parent. I didn't know him, and from all my documentation of my time with him, I wouldn't have wanted to even if he was living. Our father was not a nice man. He was an alcoholic, who fathered many children, and never took credit or responsibility for any of them.
Don't ask me why I felt he would be sympathetic to me, maybe because by nature people are. I kept being pushed harder and harder to talk about my life, and my PTSD and why I have it came up. I am the Survivor of Domestic Abuse. I was told that I was dumb for not leaving my ex husband, and that I must be a weak person for staying. A strong person wouldn't have taken that. I wasn't a strong person, I was lead to believe over a decade and a half that my ex loved me, and was doing it all to protect me. It wasn't till I went on a vacation with friends, (the one rare time I was allowed to go anywhere by myself) that I realized how horrible my marriage was. That I couldn't go anywhere without him, or without permission. That everything was scrutinized. This is when after 12 years I realized something was terribly terribly wrong with my situation. I woke up. I was too scared to leave, and had no one that would take me in.
So, I allowed this person, who hardly knows me, so talk down to me. To treat me like sh*t, and I realized, what am I doing? This is so toxic! What is going on?? Why am I allowing this? I allowed someone to call me weak. I allowed them to treat me like less than a person. All because they are family? And family that I have no connection to, or no interest in.
I spent two days crying over the horrible things they said, and I realized some people will never understand PTSD, why it takes time for us to heal. Why we need to heal. That telling us 'Get over it, and get on with your life.' Is easy for someone who doesn't have PTSD, it's a struggle sometimes for us to. I was told that half a dozen times in that conversation.
Family are people who love you regardless of what has gone on in your life. They support you, and nurture you. They don't abuse you, hurt you or harm you. They don't try to rally your rage with lackluster statements that aren't supportive.
I am allowed to be angry, and tired and hurt. I am allowed to feel disappointed. I am disappointed that I am related to someone who thinks that telling me the truth is to bully it into me. My skin is covered in invisible scars of a thousand comments from all of my life that I have worn. Every. Day. Of. My. Life.
I deserve better than the treatment I got today, and I proved that by walking away. We're told not to run away from our problems, run away from scares us, but in this moment, it doesn't scare me, those pathetic silables on the lips of a person who don't know me. The real me. The person that has grown from the hell of the life I lived to find the light of the life I am living now, they don't deserve me. They can can keep drinking their toxic syrup of angst and anger against me, because I don't need them. I didn't need them before they knew me, I didn't need them while they knew me, and I don't need them now.
The fear of being unneeded is what makes a person feel threatened, so they use their words against us trying to harm us. I have no more room on my skin for more scars...the words spoken to me, to hurt me, to try to harm me, they will bounce off me.
I realize today, I deserve better than what was verbally vomited on me, while they hid behind a computer screen. I am better, because it's people like that who prevent us from healing and prevent their own healing.
NineFityFour
After all this time, it was brought to my attention we had another sibling, whom they had known about for six years. I had just gotten a chance to actually speak to that sibling, and enjoyed the connection a lot. We're very similar and with a great irony live very very close, which is hysterical, being that a relocated some time back to this area.
So, with that new energy and excitement, I decided since I was trying to connect with one sibling, I'd trying to connect to the one that wasn't really trying.
After a short twenty minute conversation, I was startled with the level of negativity I encountered and mistrust of our other sibling. "Well, that can't be true, I have this and that to back it up." Giving no option into hearing someone else's opinion.
I cut the conversation short, because they actually started to hurt me with some of his scathing comments.
Today, trying to be the bigger person, I tried again. The conversation turned personal, and this sibling started taking personal digs at me. I was put into foster care when I was very young, and so they started telling me all these things I knew about my Birth Mother. I was aware of a lot of them. It became this need to hurt me, and the reason was 'Well you need to know the truth.'
I'm very aware of the truth, it's been something I've carried with me for nearly three decades. I've had a hard time with it. This sibling kept saying, Oh, well, your Mom wasn't all that great, you'll forgive her, but you won't forgive my father. Well, technically, we share the same father, so it strikes me as odd that the sibling is so possessive of this parent. I didn't know him, and from all my documentation of my time with him, I wouldn't have wanted to even if he was living. Our father was not a nice man. He was an alcoholic, who fathered many children, and never took credit or responsibility for any of them.
Don't ask me why I felt he would be sympathetic to me, maybe because by nature people are. I kept being pushed harder and harder to talk about my life, and my PTSD and why I have it came up. I am the Survivor of Domestic Abuse. I was told that I was dumb for not leaving my ex husband, and that I must be a weak person for staying. A strong person wouldn't have taken that. I wasn't a strong person, I was lead to believe over a decade and a half that my ex loved me, and was doing it all to protect me. It wasn't till I went on a vacation with friends, (the one rare time I was allowed to go anywhere by myself) that I realized how horrible my marriage was. That I couldn't go anywhere without him, or without permission. That everything was scrutinized. This is when after 12 years I realized something was terribly terribly wrong with my situation. I woke up. I was too scared to leave, and had no one that would take me in.
So, I allowed this person, who hardly knows me, so talk down to me. To treat me like sh*t, and I realized, what am I doing? This is so toxic! What is going on?? Why am I allowing this? I allowed someone to call me weak. I allowed them to treat me like less than a person. All because they are family? And family that I have no connection to, or no interest in.
I spent two days crying over the horrible things they said, and I realized some people will never understand PTSD, why it takes time for us to heal. Why we need to heal. That telling us 'Get over it, and get on with your life.' Is easy for someone who doesn't have PTSD, it's a struggle sometimes for us to. I was told that half a dozen times in that conversation.
Family are people who love you regardless of what has gone on in your life. They support you, and nurture you. They don't abuse you, hurt you or harm you. They don't try to rally your rage with lackluster statements that aren't supportive.
I am allowed to be angry, and tired and hurt. I am allowed to feel disappointed. I am disappointed that I am related to someone who thinks that telling me the truth is to bully it into me. My skin is covered in invisible scars of a thousand comments from all of my life that I have worn. Every. Day. Of. My. Life.
I deserve better than the treatment I got today, and I proved that by walking away. We're told not to run away from our problems, run away from scares us, but in this moment, it doesn't scare me, those pathetic silables on the lips of a person who don't know me. The real me. The person that has grown from the hell of the life I lived to find the light of the life I am living now, they don't deserve me. They can can keep drinking their toxic syrup of angst and anger against me, because I don't need them. I didn't need them before they knew me, I didn't need them while they knew me, and I don't need them now.
The fear of being unneeded is what makes a person feel threatened, so they use their words against us trying to harm us. I have no more room on my skin for more scars...the words spoken to me, to hurt me, to try to harm me, they will bounce off me.
I realize today, I deserve better than what was verbally vomited on me, while they hid behind a computer screen. I am better, because it's people like that who prevent us from healing and prevent their own healing.
NineFityFour
