Candleflames
Platinum Member
I'm sorry your situation has gotten so complicated. I know how hard it is to watch someone you care about start to blame and direct their anger at you.
From an outside perspective it makes sense that your brother would side with your mom. He's still so young and has probably only begun to separate from her. He's still going to feel very attached and if your step-dad is being abusive through control and manipulation towards him as well, he maybe feeling extra protective of your mom. He'll be trying to create a strong alliance within the home for his own safety as well. It won't always be that way though. As he grows up he'll become more and more independent. Keep an eye out for when he is more receptive to having a relationship with his big sis.
You don't have to try and fix anything with your mom to have a relationship with your brother. You can figure out reasonable ground rules for contact. You can maturely enforce them. You can let your behavior speak for itself and your mother behavior speak to her malfunction. Eventually he will see it. Adolescence is a good time for that. Just don't be the one to try and show him. That's something he has to figure out on his own. As kids grow they start to resent the ones that interfered with their relationships. I know I did.
I wrote in an earlier post about having to go low contact for many years and how difficult that was. Well, it seems to have paid off. My sister is now 20 and just finished an internship. She called the other day to ask about coming up for a visit. She'll be up here with me for a week. The last time I saw her she was 15 but we did talk on the phone a few times a year. I hope that gives you some hope for a future relationship with your brother.
From an outside perspective it makes sense that your brother would side with your mom. He's still so young and has probably only begun to separate from her. He's still going to feel very attached and if your step-dad is being abusive through control and manipulation towards him as well, he maybe feeling extra protective of your mom. He'll be trying to create a strong alliance within the home for his own safety as well. It won't always be that way though. As he grows up he'll become more and more independent. Keep an eye out for when he is more receptive to having a relationship with his big sis.
You don't have to try and fix anything with your mom to have a relationship with your brother. You can figure out reasonable ground rules for contact. You can maturely enforce them. You can let your behavior speak for itself and your mother behavior speak to her malfunction. Eventually he will see it. Adolescence is a good time for that. Just don't be the one to try and show him. That's something he has to figure out on his own. As kids grow they start to resent the ones that interfered with their relationships. I know I did.
I wrote in an earlier post about having to go low contact for many years and how difficult that was. Well, it seems to have paid off. My sister is now 20 and just finished an internship. She called the other day to ask about coming up for a visit. She'll be up here with me for a week. The last time I saw her she was 15 but we did talk on the phone a few times a year. I hope that gives you some hope for a future relationship with your brother.
