Train And Suicidal Thoughts

[mamachick]

See my previous post in this thread :)

Sometimes it helps to hear it from other people-sorry if I stepped on your toes by repeating what you had already said.

 

[freakofnurture]

sorry if I stepped on your toes by repeating what you had already said.

Oh, no, no, I have to apologise, I didn't realise that the beginning of your post was a quote by RosieNorth. I thought it was your question. Sorry -.-

I appreciate you adding your input, that's what this forum is for, after all. The more people give an answer or explanation in their own words, the more likely one of them will resonate with the person asking.

 

[mamachick]

Thanks freakofnature as I was just not understanding-not unusual-lol.

 

[BridgeJumper]

trains are not my thing, messy. girlfriend works for metrolink, im more of a golden gate bridge type a gal. four seconds down and done, clean and washed away.

 

[Mercy]

I have a kind of suicidal thoughts that were brainwashed to set an action plan in place. If I ever told anyone about the organization that rented me out, I would go on autopilot.

One night a group therapy the new assistant asked me my story, ever truthful( in compartments) I told her. Then, I found myself at the end of the parking lot assessing the traffic coming down the hill...too slow...not big enough...trucks were too slow. My T came out and came up to me slowly. She asked me what I was doing. I could answer her clearly, I was waiting to die. She urged me to back up a little. Gradually, the dazed state I was in decreased.

Any telling brings up suicide, especially survivor guilt. I feel wrong. I was supposed to die. Now, I'm supposed to join my dead friends. I am responsible for finishing what 'they' started.......The emotional pain just gets to be too much sometimes.

I'm OK, trying to remember to breath, next coping thing is walk around inside the house, NOT the KITCHEN, too many knives.