Sufferer Trans with c-ptsd looking for support

[Sam313]

hi,

i'm in my late twenties, and have lived with c-ptsd since i was a teenager. my traumas are largely around sexual violence, but the circumstances vary. primary traumas include physical, sexual, and emotional abuse by someone i dated in high school, gun violence (including rape and gang rape at gunpoint), getting jumped and stripped / sexually abused by three people at a bus stop, and physical, sexual, and emotional abuse perpetrated by police at the border, during a 4-year period during which i was in an immigration process. i also have ptsd symptoms from bad experiences in a hospital, and attempting to access therapy, which means that i'm often afraid to reach out for support when i need it. on top of that, i'm trans, so most providers don't have basic training on how to make me feel safe, let alone provide me the treatment i need. i'm currently in a clinical social work program, so i'm providing therapy to a lot of youth who are going struggles similar to what i've experienced. this adds another complicated layer to my healing process. i had a great therapist through my school, but it was short-term treatment, and we terminated recently. i'm not ready to move on to another therapist, so i'm coping the best i can on my own, using my school's support services for survivors of sexual assault, and seeing a psychiatrist at my school who's pretty good. i'm currently on cymbalta, ativan, and risperdal. i'm hopeful these meds will help me, especially since the risperdal is new, and she just upped my cymbalta, but we'll see. self-injury has been a long-term issue for me, as well as suicide attempts. in may, i made 2 attempts, but was afraid to get help due to my bad experiences with hospitals. i'm grateful to have found this community. thanks for reading.

sam
pronouns: he/him/his OR they/them/theirs

 

[desiderata310]

Hi Sam.

I work on a college campus as staff and I'm an ally. :) My pronouns are she, her and hers.
The fact that your school has a program that can help you while you look for a new therapist is great to hear.

I understand the struggle with self harm; plenty of us do or have in the past. Some folks here may have suggestions that you might find useful.

We do NOT use trigger warnings. Please don't post them on your posts either.

We are a generally pretty accepting community regardless of how you identify and we don't put up with crap from people who want to put someone down because of gender identification. That said, understanding transgender may not be something everyone feels fluent in speaking about. You (and our other transgender members) can certainly feel free to discuss this, the frustrations with it and maybe help education the rest of us as we go.

Our therapists are only human and not everyone has dealt with everything so each new client is an opportunity for both the client and the therapist to learn something new. Perhaps talking through things here can help you in communicating what your needs are with a new therapist if they lack specific knowledge of your circumstance.

Take some time to look around and read. Feel free to post questions to the community. 'Use what's best and leave the rest' in all situations. Everyone here is either dx with PTSD (or C-PTSD) or is a supporter (i.e. they have a loved one who is dx)

That said, as someone who also has heavy ideation and attempts in the past, please understand that this forum is not the place to come if you find yourself in crisis. We just aren't set up to assist that way and threatening suicide will get you banned for a few days. Writing through ideation is perfectly acceptable. It's often kept me alive through some pretty bad spots and acts as a relief valve of sorts. If you have questions about what that means or the difference between the two, you can feel free to ask.

Glad you found the forum.

 

[GwenDR]

Welcome, and I hope you find the site helpful. I'm trans as well, pronouns she/her. I've also had some shitty interactions in the medical community. And while you've been through so much, it's awesome that you're able to give back though the social program. Good luck with your healing. :hug:

 

[Esterio]

hi there Sam Welcome.
I am sorry for all the stuff you have been through. Glad you found us, I know you you find others here that understand what you have been through as they have been where you have. Life can be difficult as society is not very accepting Of others that maybe different from them. This is meant to be a safe place for us to come and share with others In a safe and none judgemental forum. Again welcome and it is good to know you.
Peace be safe

 

[Fayne Jane]

Welcome Sam, I am not Trans but understand. I have PTSD and this is a great site for that.