Transferance Trouble

[IamFree]

looking for advice and guidance. I suffer a lot with transference issues meaning that I transfer feeling and emotions about my parents on to other relationships. A prime example is I have a good working relationship with a colleague but I heard on the rumour mill that she likes a drink..now my parents were both drug and alcohol abusers..so cue all sorts of alarm bells are going of and suddenly I feel like this abused child and she is this awful potentially abusive parent..the fact is she is not my mother she is free to be who she is I am not a child its a different world so why do I feel like its the old world.

 

[Friday]

the fact is she is not my mother she is free to be who she is I am not a child its a different world so why do I feel like its the old world.

Triggery stressor? In the realm of following a rape not all men are triggers, but for awhile all men may be stressors. Or following an MVA not all cars may be triggers, but all cars may be stressors. Ditto just about every other example of 1 = ALL.

Working on stressors is very much the same as working on triggers, IME, except kind of in reverse. For whatever reason EL Brain has decided to attach an alarm bell to an entire massive group. Whether it's men, or people drinking, or a certain profession, or race, nationality, clothing style, religion, etc.. So what I've done is isolate the "exception to the rule". Find the 1 person / thing / place that my brain doesn't not class with all the rest. And then expand on it. Keep finding more exceptions to the rule. Deliberately seek out things that prove my brain wrong. Until it starts to drop it's isms, and sees variations, again. Actual variation. Not all people who drink are child abusing f*cktards. But some are. Finding the things that prove my brain wrong doesn't mean all people who drink are fantastic people. They're just people. Good. Bad. Indifferent. So that I'm not yanked into the past, but can see the present.

 

[IamFree]

Thank you that is very useful..yes overgeneralisation is an issue.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think "transferance" is my middle name!