@Frieda , thanks for your damn awesome words.
@Lili , you are massively brave.
Maybe it's my innately suspicious nature, but, I can't help but wonder WTH your therapist's gig is, and frankly whether she's qualified enough or impartial enough to manage running a group.
The "excitement" or "I've been waiting for six months for this" thing sets my teeth on edge.
It's not a bloody Netflix episode.
For some perspective, I used to do group as well.
In my first coupla weeks, I was often fidgety or seeming like I wasn't paying attention to other group members because of it. That was the last thing I wanted to make anyone feel like, but it happened.
To everyone in the group's credit, there were two therapists and one very brave, lovely lady whom I'll call A.
A, the lady, managed to speak up. She began with, "I think this might upset someone, but..." and then managed to communicate, with the help of the therapists, that what I was doing made her feel like I wasn't listening, and that I didn't respect her or the other participants and I didn't care about them discussing really emotionally traumatic stuff and I was just there fiddling with shit.
2 weeks, mate, that was the time frame.
Of course I was horrified that I was making anyone feel like that.
But - this was all discussed really calmly, really handled well, we talked about our feelings and we resolved the conflict (and I made a damn good effort to stop doing what I was doing.)
A confronted her feelings about speaking up, which was really hard for her, and her feelings that she expected me to go nuts or the therapists to tell her that I was right and she was wrong.
I talked about mine, that I was nervous and I really, really, really, really didn't want to upset or disrespect anyone, and I was going to try harder in the future.
Then the therapists walked us through how we felt after. A said she didn't expect me to be so nice, and I said o didn't expect her to be so nice either.
I stopped doing the specific action and explained myself better, and A felt better too.
At no point did I feel judged or hurt (ok a little), but it was so well-expressed and well sorted and didn't even seem like conflict, even though it was.
That's what "practicing conflict or interpersonal situations" in group should look like.
"A," came back a month later and said she'd used those skills to ask for something from her husband, and I was f*cking overjoyed.
Also, dissociation signals and group.
If I'm dissociating, I certainly don't have the presence of mind to send a signal like, it's not a lack of verbal skills, it's a lack of skills/awareness in anything at all. If I'm aware enough to send a signal I'm probably pretty far gone. At the start I couldn't even feel when I was dissociating.
One of the things my mates notice is my posture eases and slackens.
Maybe some "tells" instead of "signals" could work.
I wouldn't have been comfortable telling anyone my tells at the time, though.
Is this group and this therapist otherwise helping you?
