Trauma Related Health Anxiety

[Chesapeake]

I have severe health anxiety that I'm pretty sure is trauma related. I had severe hemorrhaging after a surgery that I ended up in ICU for a few days and nearly lost my life. For some reason I was feeling calm about the whole thing until I came home and started having major panic attacks and flashbacks. This happened probably 3 years ago and the stress is still there. It's been exasperated by other health triggers, one in which I went to the ER with a migraine and I developed a seizure as a result of a new medication. My heart rate went up and I felt very panicky. Now its like I'm fixated on health disasters, and worry that I will be able to cope or not when I die or when I get ill. I've been working on putting things in perspective, but its so hard to do when my mind fixates on the catastrophe in my head.

I came across a post on Facebook about a little boy who died recently while waiting for a heart transplant. It made me so terribly sad. I finally figured out that I should tell my husband that it made me sad, instead of obsessing about it and making my sadness worse. (trigger)

Today I exercised a lot and now my muscles are a bit sore. But as I lay in bed all I could think about is the possibility of another hemorrhage. (flashback/trigger?)

So then I get up and look up the complications etc of the surgery I had and start to feel a little better. Like understanding it a little more helps to diminish the hold it has on me.

Uh but its so hard when I have a genetic condition which sometimes comes with the possibility of major hemorrhaging, but mine does not. This surgery complication didn't have much to do with my genetic condition. But I tend to wrongly associate the two and thats why during an anxiety attack, I think I could hemorrhage out of another vein randomly. I hope that makes sense...

 

[Seasounds]

I can understand how, rationally, one anxiety is related to the other, and I can understand how it can be frustrating to not be able to separate one anxiety from influencing another. I live with this myself, just with different issues. Sometimes our brains make associations that are survival oriented, instead of convenience oriented. (That is an understatement!;))

Regarding your surgery, since you almost lost your life, it totally makes sense to me, that there would be increased anxiety for a while. It is good that you are writing a out it.
In fact, you are already helping your brain parse the two sources apart. That is the key; you're on it.

Your share made me realize how trauma after surgery, especially when someone almost died, may be an obvious and expected side effect. So scary, and even though you weren't conscious during surgery, your body had that experience and afterwards, you are consciously logging and processing that event, that so many others wouldn't.

Your post reminded me of when I have had a huge emotional package to process, but it was hard to get people to relate to, sense they 'over rode' their awareness of a similar process-some almost dying.

Thanks for your thread. I hope you find more relief and more support, while you continue healing.

 

[Chesapeake]

Well actually the trauma for me had more to do with experiencing the hemorrhaging at my parents house in the middle of the night, calling myself 911 and telling my sister that I thought I was dying, so that she wouldn't be surprised. Then at the hospital them shoving plastic balloons up my nostrils in order to stop the bleeding, and me screaming. They then put me under. It still freaks me out thinking about it. I was so drugged up afterwards that I felt at ease but once I got home and started coming back to normal life, the panic began. I went to group counseling afterwards but I don't think they addressed the specific trauma, they just talked about CBT in general.

Thank you for the support. It means a lot. I'm feeling better about it tonight. It's nice to just get it out sometimes.