Trauma therapy is exhausting. But I'm doing it because I want.... (fill in the blank)

[Tinyflame]

-to feel peace
-to feel relief
-to feel joy
-to die without regrets
-to be present to others
-to not cause more damage
-to be useful for something- anything-

Also:
I would like to experience happy tears once.
I would like to be able to love to be alive, and without guilt.

 

[meander]

To have a space where someone says OMG that’s awful, how can I help?
To break a cycle
To laugh again
To be free in myself

 

[EveHarrington]

I want to not be like this.

 

[hithere]

so I can:
be warm towards others rather than stiff and cold
listen to others and be present for them, together in the conversation
drive on the freeway and through tunnels and over rivers
not think everyone and their mother is out to sue me or put me in jail--this one is really awful feeling :(
make decisions

 

[Rumors]

It's exhausting but I want to be engaged and present and feel something other than confusion and despair. I want to feel joy and sadness and be able to sit with both in the moment.

 

[mumstheword]

To learn to be socially comfortable with my adult children and other's, new people, future work mates, that sort of thing.

To overcome the sense of being uncared for (except by my SO, who I do feel cared for by) .

To extend compassion, understanding, helpful feedback and solid boundaries

To stop feeling avoidant and a sense of dread about going outside

To reingage with extended family

To confidently seek and gain employment ...that sort of thing.

 

[flowerapple]

When I started therapy, it wasn't because I wanted to start, but because it kinda just happened. I was referred to a psychiatrist by the emergency room doctor, I went and after I felt guilty for not answering some questions truthfully, so when I went back I told her the truth, and she referred me to a counsellor. I went because that's what I was told to do even though she wasn't forcing me but I didn't want to seem like a difficult patient, so I went for 6 months every week and said nothing. One day my mom paid me to say at least one word and that is when I finally started to talk and eventually I told her why I was there.
For a while I didn't know why I kept going but I thought it was because I had to, but my therapist pointed out that no one forced me to do come but yet every week I would show up, so I must have a reason even if I don't know it yet. Now I know it is because even then I was hoping it would get better, even though there are times now when I feel like it never will happen.
Im doing it because I am hoping I will get to a point in my life where even when I can be triggered by things and be able to deal with it and not go back to the past and get stuck in it. I'm doing it so that one day I can actually look at my reflection in a mirror or take a picture of myself or have my picture taken without cringing and feeling like Im going to pass out. And Im doing it so that one day I can truthfully say that I love myself. I dont know if it will happen but I hope it does.
And Im not sure if I will know when Im done with therapy but my therapist says it is when I show up and have nothing to talk about and have to be searching to find something to talk about or work on.

 

[grit]

I ask this question every day. Why now? Since I obviously survived for 40+ yrs without running to much of issues (well nothing permanently anymore damaging than carrying this in my neck) even though I cannt truly underestimate the fact my body could not carry a pregnancy and now I know why!

So why?

Because, my range of emotions is very limited and I like to relax enough to expand it.

Because my identity is questionable (noticing even more how easily I am influenced by therapist and need to get some kahunes to hold my stand)

Because the side of my mom is more prominent than the side of me (this is getting so much better now)

Because I want to help others and hard to do that when my cup is spilling invisibly.

Because I want to grow and be healther and be able to talk about my childhood without dissociating.

Because I want to truly have deep empathy for my mother and her mother and her mother.

Because my body is still in momentum of defense and I like to release the tension.

Because it is better to wake up in middle age than later age.

Because I want to love myself and others in much deeper way than I can now which I get glimpses sometimes and it is so beautiful. I want to keep that a bit longer and longer.

 

[Ronin]

f*ck November.

And December, and May.

.... what do you mean half of the calender is not on f*ck trauma, get better, list? :shifty:

 

[jaccat]

To be able to experience emotions like joy for more than a fraction of a second once in a blue moon.
To be able to look people in the eye, and feel like I have a right to do so.
To not be haunted by the ghosts of my past.
To be able to trust myself enough to have a relationship.
To believe that what my T sees in me is true.

 

[shimmerz]

Because I want my freedom back. That sums it all up.

 

[Teasel]

To be able to stop avoiding life.
To be able to have relationships again. I dont just mean romantic but any relationships at all. I miss having friends and family and even not being scared of acquaintances.