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Treading Dangerously?!

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It's hard for me to be cheerful with people sometimes. I'm (literally) afraid they'll think I'm "all better" and expect more from me than I can give if I look too happy.

((((((((((Angel)))))))))) I am so sorry you feel this way! Maybe I am truly a hardened old B, however I feel
others opinions are not the important one. Your opinion is what counts. I know I do not understand the
total effects of PTSD or the way a person with it perceives and lives with it.

I am so saddened that with the technology of today the medical arena can't seem to find a means of helping sufferer's better than what I have been reading.

Please smile and be happy for yourself! Behemoth Hugs Whitney
 
Thank You Nicolette,
I edited the note and truly had no idea "should" was such a forceful word. I am very angry at the medical society that just does not get it! Apologies from the bottom of my heart!:sorry:
 
Personally I don't think much can be achieved until a person has learnt how to relax, and take care of themselves...and these are big goals for the people experiencing the major depression as well as PTSD. Small steps lead to bigger ones, and everyone takes their own time and heals at a different pace to others.

I can understand the impatience of the people running the show here, and seeing the same people stuck and not moving forward, but I also think it can be easily forgotten once a person is doing well, how hard it can be to get up and do the little things when you're in that state, and how it may seem like small goals to outsiders, but it's a huge leap when you're in the thick of it...so some perspective is always a good thing.

I don't think putting pressure on people who are doing their best is really helpful though. If they are being enabled in any way then that's one thing, but we don't really know, do we?

Sometimes, medication can become an excuse to just sit around and be lazy because once a person has a diagnosis, and people around them feel they need to take care of them, it can be worse for the person in the long run, and that whole victim/rescuer dynamic needs to be recognized and broken out of before they waste their whole life lying in bed being pandered to.

And yeah, support systems like this can become addictive to people who've had none, and I agree that there needs to be some kind of push there to move forward and not stay in the nice cozy "safe" space of receiving fluffy cyber hugs and people telling you they are sorry for what you went through. It helps for a time, but after a while it becomes a crutch...and that's the reason I avoided support groups for so long.

I think the culture doesn't support progress, because people think that once you take a pill, that's it. You are getting better and don't need to do much more...but that is dangerous thinking. It takes a lot more than just taking pills. Exercise, diet, willpower, confidence(which may be non-existant) to push yourself and get out there. All these things are real set backs and it's like a car that has died and needs a jumpstart and a push before it can get going again.

For some people with no external support, there is no one to give them a push, so they have to do that themselves...which can be an enormous feat on top of everything else they are dealing with. It has to be done...but it's not always a fast process. Expecting other people to be just like you is also not realistic. Everyone changes and grows in their own time, and in their own direction.
 
@Philippa, I personally have not seen impatience mentioned. Sincere concern and caring that others suffer so horribly. I am angry that we can put a rover on the moon and society can be blind or turn a cheek to suffers.

I am still new, searching how did I get to this point. All I can say is how fortuneate I am that I have the drive to keep challanging myself.
 
I've got to say something about that Goal thread. Please take no offense Ayesha, but I perceived that thread among the least serious (for any accuracy) of threads here.

Perhaps it was because it took generally only seconds for me to think of some goal to write, (generally always some Reminder-goal, amidst many other responsibilities and goals) ...to live. So for me personally it was like an opportunity to reinforce a reminder of something I did not want to miss doing and very easily could have while too often feeling the necessity and pressures from life, to put myself last.

There were instances where I noticed that people quickly and very simply responded with household chores or such, and other things, but I suspended drawing any conclusions as to why perhaps, because I simply didn't think in literal terms, nor take the thread as intended to reflect any accuracy, completeness, or of any real concern. Probably, because I was guessing that life is unpredictable. Personally, I wasn't there reading retaining any educational value from it. I was there joining in what I was perceiving as a little quick online expression, goal or reminder. A game somewhat, and for the more serious days, if there was time, some communication perhaps.

It reminded me of exactly what I believe it was intended to be, a little thing that brings the community together within an impatient MH hospitalization. Well the 3 words for a change and the 1 word-consecutive-words, does about the same thing and brings some from the group together in as little possible thought and effort possible.

Personally, I kind of thought this way about that thread, because in anyone of my posts there I listed 3% going low, or 15% perhaps going high of the actual work laid out for me and goals of all sizes in which I try and isolate one job or goal from its next, nearly every day and I do work towards.

I don't know, I just can't seem to get unstuck from this though:

Maybe being a survivor has made me want for more and maybe my question is based on my perception of life. This is why I am asking as I struggle to comprehend the 'stagnation'. There are members here who have been here as long as I have and are still at the same position and I have seen others come, learn, grow and leave as I have seen my own husband progress. So what defines the difference as I can't see it as only being the illness all of the time?

I bulleted a list of some possible additional differences, though I did not identify it as such, and right now going back to peek at it, I've noticed that I used pretty much exclusively past tense. My error. Instead this:

So many of my injuries, even abuses resulted from me being extremely ill and having numerous people, including mother, doctors, family, once a beloved boyfriend, many an acquaintances and those of whom called themselves a friend, - conclude perhaps in ignorance, moralize, judge and condemn me for being deeply injured, traumatized, ill and unable to help myself.

is too frequent for me, and is as much present tense as certainly it was past, and should perhaps read,

...result from, and
...whom call themselves a friend,

It drives me near bonkers, and apparently I have something to do with it, but sometimes people will think I'm speaking out of the long past, when I often am speaking in the present or recent enough and raw past, but for some reason apparently may find it safer to talk in past tense, as I seem to be making these errors.

I think it's also important to recognize that whatever points in one's healing which we reach, that it is not any guarentee, or a sure bet, that conditions will remain forever intact and moving forward steadily, or even gradually moving in that one prefered direction.

So in order for this reality not to be perceived as a negative one, I'll add reminding us all, how very important for many not to take life, family, loved ones, friends and people, today's beliefs, theory or knowledge, and/or anything, condition or situation whatsoever for granted.

...nor to damn seriously. This last bit is especially just for me.
 
This may sound like a really basic response, but everyone's journey to healing is different. Time frames are different, people are different. It may take someone 12 months from diagnosis to healing and being able to function and carry on with life in a very productive way, work full time etc.

But, someone else may take 10 years or longer. This could depend on many factors, their environment, stresses in life impacting on healing, effectiveness of their therapist, whether they can afford therapy etc etc.

So where one person may be at a certain point in their healing - as in no longer needing to make small goals like getting out of bed and self hygiene - may at 6 months into therapy, another person point for that may be years later.

Sometimes there may be no progress, sometimes they may seem to go backwards in their progress. But, each person has their own journey in this and doesn't need to justify where they are at.

But I see the point of the original post - progress overall is the aim and that's what we all need to be striving for.
 
But, each person has their own journey in this and doesn't need to justify where they are at.

But I see the point of the original post - progress overall is the aim and that's what we all need to be striving for.

Shellbell, this is great! It takes unneccessary pressure off many. And, I agree. And, yet still points out the aim for all of us. :tup:

I'm adding though, I really hope I did not inadvertently appear to be judging anyone or the thread, as this would hurt much and make me angry at myself for ever responding in this thread. I was enjoying it and had utilized it too, as are others making use of and perhaps enjoying it as well.

In fact, I'd written a quite serious post for that thread, no sooner then this thread beginning, but had to quickly cut it from text window due to being needed in an instant.
 
It takes unneccessary pressure off many. And, I agree. And, yet still points out the aim for all of us. :tup:
Hope the aim was never to pressure.... just trying to come to an understanding with the little information we have presented from people.

An example is if Anthony said his goal for the day was to vacuum I'd tell him to toughen up unless there were extenuating circumstances and he was unwell. Then it would be okay to leave it but he would be expected to step up once well - just as I have to go to work. I obviously can't apply that to everyone as each situation is unique so I was trying to uncover if there was anything to help us identify and to know when someone was having a pity party and needed a push versus it being someone who was really struggling, had the same goal, and needed encouraging.

I think I also identified that to me there is a difference between a 'to do list' and a 'goal' in definition and application. That obviously does not apply to all either. We are here to help each other and I was trying to find a tool to possibly identify who was in a rut and who was really struggling.
 
Wanted to share a goal from my wall... Note where her hand is. Love it! ;)

100_0233.webp

The card on the upper left side reads (and is one of my most important):
German: Man muss immer bei sich bleiben, sonst geht man verloren.
Lost in English translation: One must stay close to oneself at all times, if one doesn't, one's self will get lost.
(Translation sucks.)[DOUBLEPOST=1345898844][/DOUBLEPOST]Haha, more importantly, look where his hands are :D
 
@Whitney: Ah, ok. Maybe I misunderstood the initial post? I interpretted nicolette feeling frustrated that people were not moving forward enough...which, to me indicated impatience. I have no doubt there is genuine concern for their well-being though, and it's natural for someone who has come out the other end to want the same for others. I just wasn't sure if the full scale of what some people are going through had been taken into account, that's all.

I also had not read through the entire thread when I made my post, so I probably did not get the full flavor of nicolettes position here?
 
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