Triggered By Other People's Mental Illness

[Spero3]

In therapy last week, I was talking about my ex husband's behaviors (which I have done several times). She finally said, "He sounds like he could have been bipolar." A few days later my partner was talking to a friend of hers about my ex's spending binges. Her friend said, "He sounds like he is manic." Why this hadn't occurred to me before, I don't know, but it hit me that I was probably deeply affected by my ex's mental illness. I also had a counselor tell me that my ex has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I know this probably sounds like a "duh" moment, and it's not like I didn't know my ex affected me because he was abusive, but it just occurred to me this week that his mental illness almost certainly triggered my PTSD, depression and anxiety big time. I guess what I am saying is that it is just occurring to me how MUCH it affected me. Just a weird random thought this morning.

Anyone else have comments or experiences?

Spero

 

[MurphyJB]

What do you mean when you say it triggered your PTSD? Did you already have PTSD before you were with your ex-husband?

 

[Spero3]

What do you mean when you say it triggered your PTSD? Did you already have PTSD before you were with your ex-husband?

Yes, I had it before. I meant causing the symptoms to flair up. Sorry about the confusion.

Spero

 

[MurphyJB]

That's okay.
I justbwasnt sure if you meant you think it caused it or just triggered you.
IMHO from what you've shared, it seems like his behaviors are what triggered you, not necessarily his mental illness.

 

[Spero3]

I am sitting her laughing, because I realize I did a terrible job expressing what I was trying to say. What I meant was that his behaviors that are caused by his mental illness were triggering the PTSD in me. One example is I am positive my ex is manic. He has episodes of uncontrolled spending - whenever he gets a new hobby it becomes a total obsession and he spends thousands of dollars. This caused me unbelievable stress and worry about our finances which then triggered the anxiety, obsessive thinking, rage, etc. Sorry about my poor expression! :) Anyway, it's pretty obvious that other people's mental illness triggers other people with mental illness, but I guess I just hadn't really thought about it much before.

Spero

 

[Kintsugi]

Spero, my partner is manic and also goes through periods of spending and obsession. To be fair, I get pretty obsessed with certain things too in terms of researching them tirelessly until I pick up something new to research. But, that doesn't cost money. He doesn't understand why I am constantly on edge because of finances. Though, he took a huge step in the past couple of months and decided that I should just handle the money for awhile.

I do understand what you mean, though. A friend of mine who suffers from PTSD also has a manic partner. She and I cry when we are sad. Our partners yell and rage. Triggering!

 

[Reclusive]

My fiance also has PTSD and is really moody most the time, so I'm constantly in a hyper-aware state and on guard for anything that might piss him off. He doesn't do anything to me, but he gets angry and yells and sometimes hits stuff and that sets off my PTSD. So I'm careful to keep him insulated against anything that might make him angry, which also sets off my PTSD.

PS - my fiance's Abilify was making him really manic. I do not know how you guys cope with that - it drove me straight up the wall!

 

[Kintsugi]

I do not know how you guys cope with that - it drove me straight up the wall!

The best way for me to deal with other people's symptoms is to observe their behaviors and relate it to something I might do. For instance, yes, my fiance sometimes gets angry and yells and throws things (small things, not just picking them up and throwing them but maybe getting angry at a phone call and throwing the cell phone afterwards in frustration). I don't yell and throw things, but I will cry, mope, and self-mutilate sometimes. So... I can look at his behaviors and say to myself, "I understand that his actions are the result of mental stressors and external circumstances, and even if he implicates me in his anger, I am not the cause or the origin, just as he is not the cause of my depression."

 

[mamachick]

Absolutely. My sister stayed with me for a few months and her behavior definately flaired my symptoms as well. She is probably borderline personality. One minute she is sentimental and thinking me for opening my home to her and her dogs, an hour later, she is cussing because I didnt buy a new trash can for her room and the current one has a lid that is working improperly. She would talk about her ex that is dead and sounded like it just happened yesterday and not 35 years ago. Then she would go into a rage about the dogs barking.

When I told her that the anger and rage was too much for me, she said that she was not important as past men and that I put up with them longer, her, only a few months. This was true-but I also knew that just because I tolerated too much in the past didnt mean that I need to keep tolerating at my own expense.

Mental diagnosis or just bad behavior? Seems so prevelant around me that I understand why I have tendencies to isolate. The bad part is-I seem to be very compassionate and empathetic with others-then I tolerate bad behavior. Even a compulsive liar is a trigger-to trust issues.

 

[Kintsugi]

Mental diagnosis or just bad behavior? Seems so prevelant around me that I understand why I have tendencies to isolate. The bad part is-I seem to be very compassionate and empathetic with others-then I tolerate bad behavior.

I actually feel drawn to people who are mentally ill, particularly bipolar, because I can be more honest when I know the people I'm with are also heavily medicated and dealing with really insane symptoms. But it can be very hard to cope with sometimes. I just feel like "healthy" people or at least undiagnosed people are scarier because I internalize their behaviors much more deeply, since somehow I feel that they are better than me and more capable, and they don't have some kind of whacked brain chemicals, so I assume that all of their actions are properly justified. Whereas if a friend of mine with bipolar is acting nuts, I can sort of chuckle at them and make a joke about how messed up mental illnesses can be.

I suppose, it's easier for me to accept people who are diagnosed with some sort of mental illness, because usually they are people who can look at their behavior later and say, "Wow, that was messed up." People who believe that all of their mental faculties are in tip-top shape (people may think that, but is that ever true?) are less likely to look at their actions critically, maybe.

:speechless:

 

[Spero3]

Brat17,

I am very much like you in that, for years, I put up with way too much in relationships. Then, I would get to the absolute snapping point after years and finally stand up for myself. I put up with way more than other people would. I am finally not doing that, but it has been a struggle to change.

Spero

 

[Spero3]

I suppose, it's easier for me to accept people who are diagnosed with some sort of mental illness, because usually they are people who can look at their behavior later and say, "Wow, that was messed up." People who believe that all of their mental faculties are in tip-top shape (people may think that, but is that ever true?) are less likely to look at their actions critically, maybe.

Amen to that! It's even scarier when they are really messed up AND they won't recognize it. I read a fascinating book called "The Sociopath Next Door." The author states that one in 25 people have at least sociopathic tendencies. Yikes!

Spero