Triggered by shower

[Lulu95]

Not every time, but most of the time when I shower I become super dysregulated and I can’t seem to stop having flashbacks and dissociating. I have to get out immediately in order to calm myself. But it’s so ridiculous because I literally have to shower.... do others have this experience? If so, what do you do? Any tips would be deeply appreciated

 

[bellbird]

Hey lulu, I don't experience flashbacks using the shower, but I do experience them from using the toilet.

During my abusive relationship I would hide in the little room that had the toilet in it; just sitting on top of the toilet seat and not using it.

So now, every time I sit down to actually use the toilet, I'm right back there waiting for the door to be burst open any moment by him. And physiologically, by body just won't go anywhere near voiding until I can get myself to ground.

Grounding there usually involves giving myself a pep talk quietly out loud. Telling myself that I'm safe, and that it's 2020. In those pep talks I'll also call myself by my forum name, which may sound a little silly, but it's because I signed up here after leaving my abusive relationship, so I was never "bellbird" in that time.

Sorry if that's tmi, just wanted to say that I really get the frustration and the feeling of ughhh this is so ridiculous on a daily basis, that you're going through.

Grounding in the shower would be my big suggestion. There are several sensory avenues you have access to in a shower. If you're ok with scents, maybe a bottle of body wash with a calming scent that you can smell when you find yourself starting to dissociate.

Or a little squishy or textured waterproof toy that you can keep in the shower and grab if you need to to ground yourself in the here and now.

Maybe you could listen to music while you're in the shower -- songs that make you happy, songs that soothe you, or my favourite trick which is songs that have been released since whatever you're flashing back to happened. That way you definitely can't be back there.

To tackle this issue at the root cause, one of the best methods would be EMDR with a trained therapist, though I get that therapy is a little different and less accessible in these current times.

Regardless, you're not alone. And I'm sorry for what you're going through :hug:

 

[Lulu95]

Hi bellbird,

Thank you so much ? I really appreciate you for sharing your ideas. I like the idea of putting things in the shower to help ground me. And I’m sorry you went through this too, but I’m glad not to feel alone.

Sending wishes of peace to you!!

 

[bellbird]

Thank you, lulu. Peace to you, too :)

 

[Ronin]

Heya,

First of all, nothing ridiculous with triggers of any sort.

I have a couple of hard wired shower / bath / bathroom / sinks / water triggers from a variety of things, as well as find showers incredibly soothing and hoome and good experience sensory wise so it's bit of a clash lol

I found making the bathroom my second bedroom helps a lot. Making it space I spend regular time in, doing a lot of activities - not just those associated with issues I'm working through at the time.

Helps normalize showering itself too, if I'm busy contemplating new comforty sooft towels instead of how messy the drops are and making me skin crawl, not even starting on the halfway through panic attack. Towels and gentle it is.

The rape times with showers were comparatively easy to confront - Grabbed all the nice smelling soaps and shampoos and gels and candles and essential oils and fragrances I could find and focus on that... how nice the space feels, instead of screaming run & barf. Then followed with how not-awful my body feels. Since the 'nice and comfy' times are rare but I can go with feeling not a disgusting ball of wrongness.

And yep, muuusic.
Tunes listened to or sung to make everything better.

I also took to taking art projects to bath. Whether it's drawing on walls or mirrors it's game, I'm creating here, no time to focus on violations.

 

[Lulu95]

I’m sorry you went through this too! Thank you so much for the tip and support! I love the idea of being able to do art in there

 

[Woodsforthetrees]

Hi, I have this too. I've found having music on in the shower stops my mind from wondering. I also have a very strict policy about my partner not entering the bathroom (we don't have a lock). There are still sometimes when it happens but much less now.

 

[kkd]

@ shower music listeners: How do you set that up?

Changing the bathroom and shower defanged a lot of it for me.
I was pleasantly shocked that after Spouse & I had the bathroom remodeled & the resulting shower looked and felt (bc of new bathroom layout) drastically different from showers I'd had issues with, that particular reminder has been a lot less of a problem. For me it was mostly certain super common tiles & the super common tub/shower combo that every damn house built in a certain 20 yr span seems to have. I also smell any products before buying bc some smells are a problem & we don't use deliberately unscented stuff.

I have a problem with some institutional/commercial built bathroom & have been surprised in the bad way at hotels more than once. Being able to see photos online when booking has helped some with avoiding that. Otherwise I make it quick and only shower in mornings so that I have to try and be normal for whatever is happening that day. If it's just one night I flat-out skip the shower & wait til I'm home.

The only part that remains most of the time is when i get stuck thinking about "power struggles" over, basically, whether doing something, i.e: taking a shower, is up to the shower-er or the people telling them what to do. But that's not about the shower, it's about control.

I don't know if it's the cosmetic difference, the "I did this myself so f*ck you people and your doomsaying that I could never aspire to a real life with a job and self sufficiency" factor, the fact that all the visible details are things Spouse and I selected and not just stuff i "should be grateful to have any at all" even if it's broken, crappy quality, or just hideous and can't be changed bc someone else's judgment always overrides mine.

Remodeling is expensive AF & we only did that bc we found out the "repair" we thought was needed actually required a to-the-studs redo. We were already going to take a financial hit & luckily could afford it at the time.

Cheaper options that I would've tried first if I had thought of it are swap out the shower hardware & curtain so it doesn't look at all similar, and changing wall paint color. Basically try to visually assert my capable adult self's will on the space, since it's mine dammit. This seems to work more if it's a change that would've "broken the rules". Like when I use scented stuff or burn incense "spitefully" (person from past got migraines so not allowed).

 

[kkd]

@Lulu95 - It really sucks when something as necessary and common as taking a shower or doing any simple day to day household chore gets tangled up in shit like this.

I think it's pretty great that you recognized a pattern & then sough out some tools for managing it. I admit I did neither of those things for a ridiculously long time & I sometimes wonder if I could have gotten closer to my current mostly normal situation if I'd let myself notice & take action earlier.

 

[Lulu95]

Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful responses! For the past few weeks I have been listening to music and I got these tub stickable toys for the wall. Doing both of these things together really really helped. It isn’t totally gone, but definitely is improved!! Thank you all for your support and kindness. I really appreciate you