Triggered Over Self Love

[Melissa D]

Someone on here recently said the reason they can't stand being told to 'self care' is because it triggers them badly - because that's all they did as a child - self care.

I may be wrong, but I interpret the "triggering" as the unhealed wounds from childhood. It sounds like grieving is still occurring. For me, when I first attempted to "meet" my inner-Missy, I wanted to run away in terror. I had to acknowledge, out loud, that we were safe-it was just me and only me, no one else was around that could see, hear, or hurt little-me. Similar to how Santa-Laurie described coaxing his inner-child out. It definitely is a journey, but so worth it! Hopefully whomever said that self-care triggers them, will have enough support, and courage, to welcome their inner-child into their life.

 

[NovemberStar]

@Melissa D Maybe - I just think it's different journey if your inner child has only ever known terror, comported to if your inner child was raised within a loving family as a strong foundation to being able to self sooth or self care.

I talked about this with my T today actually. I told her what someone had shared and how I related to it. How, 'self soothing' was all I had as a child - I must be good enough at it, otherwise I would not have survived emotionally. How much I hate any reference to it now, and how for me, the experience of 'self soothing' was terrifying because I was being forced to provide trauma care for myself from a very young age. A traumatized adult finds it near impossible to be able to help themselves work through the terror, flashbacks, etc; for a child, it can't even be described or put into words.

In all other aspects of my life, I am pretty good at being able to 'self care' and be kind to the inner child in me. In my work, i perform a professional role and can self care for other people too - but when it comes to my trauma and childhood memories where I am left terrified - absolutely terrified - to the point I wished myself dead in order to be able to escape, I am still working on it.

 

[dougyhowzer]

Hi again . So my girlfriend and I met with my Christian counsellor . We talked about the trigger and me wanting to go to wild water kingdom.

I told him that I was extremely angry at Lillian because it was like my inner child was being robbed of something I needed.

Two things my counsellor pointed out to me .

1st thing is that My anger was misguided . I was blaming her for my inner child being denied , when in fact that anger should be directed to my biological parents ,and rightfully so.

The second thing that was also pointed out to me was that just because it could not happen that day didn't mean we could never go to the amusement park.

It just meant that it would have to be another day. Both of those illustrations were very helpful.

We also talked about my girlfriend's possible new career in music business and audio engineering.

Yesterday I was not only extremely angry but also jealous , because my girlfriend gets to pursue a new career in a field that looks really promising , totally new and really exciting.


Yet I was angry because all the trauma that I experienced as a child and through no fault of my own , has denied me of a lot of good opportunities to like get in a college or school and pursue some of my interests ; mainly music.

I even asked God why must I be denied. It's not fair that I have to suffer the consequences of all the abuse that I had to go through .

 

[Melissa D]

Thank you for responding to my post, I appreciate knowing more of what the story was referring to. I could not find your original post that was referenced previously.

Most certainly each person's journey, to inner-child healing, is very different depending on the family history. I can understand how a childhood coping skill becomes traumatizing as an adult. The term is synonymous with the unspeakable memories and terrors.