Triggered

[futurefocussed]

I was doing my normal grocery shopping today and a a friend, who was a friend, I don't want anything to do with her now kind of friend, one from my trauma, who was their golden girl, well she she she saw me, she approached me, I had spotted her earlier and handled it, I did everything that I I could, I did everything i could to be invisible, I'm good at being invisible, I've always had to be invisible to stop being noticed, because if I was noticed I was picked on and so I endeavoured to not be noticed. Later on, Hayley and I were talking and shopping and she noticed me, she approached me, she pretended nothing has happened, but I guess in her head nothing had happened, I was amicable, polite, but giving short answers to eliminate further conversation, I survived, to then get out of the store and freak out, or in my words, shut up and shut down. Freeze reflex.
I came home and screamed. I just wanted to slit my arms open and bleed out. I didn't though. Apparently that shows strength. I still close my eyes and see myself surrounded in blood though, although I haven't done anything, I still feel like it and I think sleep is the only thing that will stop these thoughts...

I don't know if this ok to post...

 

[Lee2001]

I'm so sorry you were triggered! It just totally sucks! I hope you can feel better by sleeping, doing something relaxing etc. If you are truly about to self harm I hope you can reach out for support from someone you feel safe with. You did well to get out of there and hope it gets better for you soon. Don't much else to say but here to support.

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

If you need to sleep, please sleep.

I know it can be a form of avoidance, but for me it's a way to make my body calm down and get the rest it deserves.