Triggers

[Bradford]

I think you two might just want to look at this a little bit differently. PTSD will add a lot of...

Very very insightful. Thank you so very much. I will take this to heart. You make a lot of sense.

 

[Toriplays]

Something about stores is scary for me, too. Any man with the build of my rapist causes an internal pa...

So scary TexCat. I feel panicky when a man walks behind me....too close for my comfort.
I feel bad for men. The vast majority of men are good. Yet, because of my past I paint them with a broad brush. It hards to feel safe isn't it?

 

[Deleted member 37474]

So scary TexCat. I feel panicky when a man walks behind me....too close for my comfort.
I feel bad f...

And since I had blocked/rewritten my trauma in my head for years, it is weird that I am just now experiencing specific fear. In the past I would just feel a sense of anxiety.

 

[Toriplays]

This is really good. My husband also has PTSD. He has trouble hearing and understanding what I'm sayi...

And since I had blocked/rewritten my trauma in my head for years, it is weird that I am just now experie...

Wow...I can relate to that statement.
We just soldier through don't we?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

To not look at these cycles as a negative or positive, just realizing that the PTSD person will at regular intervals need their life to themselves. I think that would add joy, it is not the love that you would have to worry about loosing, it would be merely adjusting your activities to show your partner that you are willing to give her the space to enjoy life, during the good times as well as the times in which she needs to be alone to reflect, to think, and heal. That is always a part of PTSD.

I would agree that this is a good thing to add into a relationship and understand the need for space as well as the likelyhood of pushing you away when that space is needed but doesnt want you to leave leave but just wants space. (Reminds me of a couple that vlogs that says America has this habit of repeating words.). I would just be aware of possible isolating in which isn't good. I mean, yes, a sufferer will isolate but thats the same as needing time alone. I just mean when one finds themselves fully isolated from everyone and its harmful, not there to allow healing but to allows you to hide. That's what I did for years, self isolated and hid from the world and why training my dog is harder then it should be, he was isolated with me. It allowed me to be self distructive and really get worse. My therapist tried to find ways to pull me out of isolation and its why training my dog is benefitial to me.

We all need space in a relationship but with PTSD will be the want to isolate from the world and suffer in silence and that isn't a good thing. So I would add that space is good but one must always be on a look out for the want to isolate to hid/be distructive in yourself as well as the other and help each other through that. Not that the other can stop you from isolating to be distructive but I think an SO can help you through that.

Anyway, I am rambling and likely not making any sense so shutting up now.

 

[FireSign8]

Hello,
I think I just realized I was getting triggered in grocery stores. I wasn't aware of it. My hu...

Oh wow! I had almost forgotten about those days when I would just abandon my shopping cart as I was standing in the checkout line & have to run to the bathroom to hide as stinky people surrounded me in my local Walmart. Then it started happening at Winco. So I had to put some facts down on paper to see the connections of things that were triggering me & I finally realized that the bathroom was making it worse for me, because so much happened to me in there over the course of my lifetime!

So now I just have to choose my shopping trips on "easy" days & I won't go out if I am feeling overwhelmed. I now know that I don't do well in overcrowded low income stores. It is a reminder of when I was stuck on food stamps & homeless & high! Add to that my DID, PTSD & recent diagnosis of ADD & I can plainly see why people hire personal shoppers instead of going out into the cesspool of life we here in the US call big box & discount stores. Always avoid things on the 1st, 10th, 15th, 20th days of each month. I also avoid coupon days & big sale events because I cannot do crowds without having it wreck me for hours afterwards.

I never go down isles. I just get the basics I need & leave. I has taken me almost a year to get to know the stores in my new area & now that I do, I just go in & get when I need & rarely stand in long lines because this is where I am known to get really pissy with idiots who smell like booze, cigarettes & pot surrounding me on all sides! It just takes one to kick start me on my own road to stupid acts & harsh words that I hope no children have been able to overhear!:wacky:

 

[cherryblossomgirl]

I think you two might just want to look at this a little bit differently. PTSD will add a lot of...

Thank for sharing this. It gives insight for people to understand us who go through trauma. Well written...

 

[cherryblossomgirl]

I would agree that this is a good thing to add into a relationship and understand the need fo...

That makes sense to me. I know how lonely and isolated that could be in the first two years having this. I didn't even know I have it. But then you get used to it with only having few people with you. And I didn't even know why I was doing that.

But after things get better, I know how harmful yet healing that could be, I tried different method to cope with it by going outside where you don't wanna be alone but you want to be left alone when you want to try to figure things out or should I say thinking and digesting. Does that makes sense?

Freedomfighter said it well, like I didn't even know that why I needed that time and space. And I didn't even know why I kept "running" from the "trigger"? I don't hate people or dislike people. I avoid people who did the trigger on me given what they did were destructing me and harmful. I find it insensitive and most people here would agree I think.

But after reading this thread, one post from someone might be helpful to manage the trigger. That not to let it get personal, but that's also not about what's wrong with us but what happened to us done by someone or people who did that to us.

 

[Changing4Best]

I think heavy criticism triggers me. I was criticized a lot as a child, by my father and by a lot of the kids in school and by some of my teachers too.

 

[Deleted member 44240]

This is really good. My husband also has PTSD. He has trouble hearing and understanding what I'm sayi...

I'm so glad you shared this. I really have to learn not to take it personally because that's exactly what I've been doing. I also think that I've been trying to hard to fix things when all I need to do is give him space to heal.

 

[mumstheword]

I never really thought about the shopping connection and abuse. I kind of hated shopping for years. But I had a lot of children and was very poor isolated and abused by their father so I guess shopping with the kids was a nightmare.

I do remember my mum and some early abuse though. It wasn't that much or that bad, but she threatened to take down my underpants and smack me in the supermarket (I was whinging and trying to get her to buy me something).

I remember the terrible shame and shock of the thought of her showing my privates to everyone in the supermarket and hurting me on the bottom and the shame, shock, humiliation and sense that that was such a violation was palpable. I was maybe still 3 or maybe 4 then.

Now I have more perspective. Memories of sexual abuse at around 3 are surfacing and it make more sense, the shame and sexual slave-like mentality I've suffered for years. So I think the threat of underpants removal triggered the emotional flashback of the sexual abuse. Years later I always said I hated shopping and I remember running out of a supermarket and mall once because it overwhelmed me and frightened me too much.

I am ok with supermarkets now though. It isn't so compounded as shopping here in my home town where I am triggered and avoid the whole shopping area and going out, being social or just generally being seen in this town after too many traumas related to here (mostly via my abusive ex and father of my children).

It sucks that your Dad treated you like that and you don't get to relax and shop.
Triggers and lots of avoidance are kind of ruining my life at the moment. I hope to get some good trauma treatment soonish though. I hope you can.find some good support to work through yours.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

I do remember my mum and some early abuse though. It wasn't that much or that bad, but she threatened to take down my underpants and smack me in the supermarket (I was whinging and trying to get her to buy me something).

I remember the terrible shame and shock of the thought of her showing my privates to everyone in the supermarket and hurting me on the bottom and the shame, shock, humiliation and sense that that was such a violation was palpable. I was maybe still 3 or maybe 4 then.

This happened to me a few times, by my dad, but he apologized in his later years. He was the better parent and was doing what might have been done to him? For some reason, I think there was a generation that spanked with underpants down, possibly to make us comply more? I was 3-4 when I was molested by little boys under the front porch.

My mother was always disinterested and distant, hence us kids were open to predators. We went outside to play all day, and came home when dad whistled at the end of the day.