Trouble Find Others With Ptsd

[benjumaan]

I'm really just looking for some people to relate to, I've been diagnosised with PTSD, depression, social anxiety and general anxiety. Unsure as to why I've been diagonised with them, I mean sure I've experienced some slightly traumatic experiences, but it just doesn't seem to compare to anything anyone else has gone through that has PTSD like war victims and so forth, it really just makes me feel more and more guilty. I mean there are plenty of people with problems but why do mine seem to feel so unbearable? I've experienced most things associated with the after effects of a traumatic experience that I've read and heard about, I guess I'm just unsure as to why I behave the way I do. My friend was sexual assaulted as a child, abused and has a pretty f*cked family life and yet she seems to cope so well and she isn't just putting on a brave face, she is truly happy. I just feel this enormous guilt, why should i be treated any different to everyone else? I mean there are some pretty f*****d up things that people have to endure nowadays, why am I letting these issues I have impact my life so greatly? that cause me to want to take my life away?

 

[intothelight]

Hi Benjumaan,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum. There are a lot of different things that caused people here to develop PTSD, and because we are all individuals, no one can say what is or is not traumatic. We are all different, and a traumatic event(s) for one person may not be viewed as traumatic by another. Trauma and our reaction to it has no predetermined criteria.

Please take your time and read. The forum is a great place for information and support.

Take care.
Debbie

 

[Paranoid10]

Dear Benjumaan,
Welcome to the forum. First of all, I want to say that PTSD is PTSD. We all have different roads that we have traveled to where this monster decided to latch onto us. With this in mind, it does not invalidate anybody's experiences or what they went through. I've learned that even though people who have PTSD are in different stages of recovery, everyone one of us is unique in the sense that we have different tolerances to different things, different triggers and different coping mechanisms. What may send one person into "complete meltdown", may not be such a bad thing for someone else. Your experiences are not any less significant than mine or anybody elses'. The key bonding element between all of us is that we have PTSD in our lives.

I want to ask you if you have been seeking treatment for your PTSD? The reason I ask is because knowledge is power when it comes to PTSD. The more you can learn about it, the better chances are that you can take that first step to recovery. This is not to say that everything will be "flowers and angels" but learning more about this monster will teach you different aspects of how to defeat it. You have definitely reached the right place when it comes to this. This forum not only provides references, but also provides other people who have been through similar experiences as yourself. I invite you to look around and check things out. You may be surprised at what you may find.

The other thing this forum provides is a support system. It is extremely difficult to handle PTSD on your own, but if you have people to back you up, it makes it that much easier to cope. Sometimes, just knowing that you are not alone makes all the difference in the world.

Finally, if I can be of any assistance personally, please inbox me. I will respond as soon as I can. Respectfully, Paranoid10.

 

[simplekindofgirl]

Benjumaan,
Welcome to the forum. Intothelight and Paranoid 10 have pretty much covered what it actually means to have PTSD. It is not a matter of whose life is bad, worse, good and better. I think in gerneral, everyone diagnosed with PTSD says something similar- why do I feel so bad when there are starving children in the Sudan or _______ (fill in the blank), why do I feel so bad when my life could have been worse- I could have been born in a 3rd world country, or had acid splashed in my face for obtaining an education, etc. But the reality is, no matter how bad or good anyone else has it, we can not help how we feel about our own life experiences.

Whatever road you have walked down, it lead you here. And here you are never alone.

Welcome to the forum. I hope (and am sure) that it will help you get through this.

J

 

[Srain]

Welcome to the Forum Benjumaan,

I'm glad you found this site and continue to look for answers as to what is plaguing you from the inside out. There is a lot information here and support as you can. Post as you feel able and get familiar with the site. Take good care of yourself.

peace,
Rain

 

[Sandra]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[benjumaan]

Thanks intothelight, paranoid10, simplekindofgirl, srain and sandra.
I am seeing a psychiatrist once to twice a week, I have been through numerous counselors since I was 12 and until now none of them have really made a great impact. My current psychiatrist is fantastic, although its about an hours drive and mum's paying $200 an hour which again makes me feel even more guilty.-.-
She has been using a method called EMDR and CBT, these treatments have been extremely useful and so far the first type off treatment that has really worked for me. I have changed medications ALOT! But hey I guess that's a common theme here.

My mum has been so supportive, she has trouble understanding PTSD, but I know she would go to any length to help me. I guess this is why I feel all the more guilty I have a loving family, great friends, I'm doing well in school and yet it's such a struggle to stay happy. @paranoid10 thats exactly my view of things, why should i be so miserable, when there are children starving in third world countries? I just can't seem to comprehend the reasoning behind it, I SHOULD be happy, I have so much to live for, so much ahead of me, and yet all I seem to do is either attempt or contemplate suicide. I guess that's maybe why I was first diagnosised with depression, but I tried telling them (this was early in the aftermath of my traumatic experiences as a child) that I wasn't crying all the time, I wasn't upset all the time, I just felt numb, like nothing in this world matter, it was like I was in some sort of a dream in which I was pretty much saying "f*** everyone".

Whilst first staying at this hospital, they put me in the high dependency unit, which I thought was a little unnecessary because I wasn't even in that bad a state. I actually didn't mind being in there it was nice and quiet in there, which was quite the contraire of what I originally perceived the place to be like; all I saw were the other kids doing activities and I wanted NONE of that. So when they asked me to leave the H.D unit I simply refused, eventually they convinced me that it was better on the other side, which I still believe was wrong. When I left the H.D unit that's when I went out of control throwing chairs, plates, cups, etc, smashing my head against walls, punching, kicking, yelling and just smashing stuff in general. I knew at that point that they has misdiagonised me, they put me on the wrong anti-depresents and I thought to my self these guys are the professionals they should be able to understand what I'm going through. I guess 3/4 weeks isn't enough to work out the problems, I realise that isn't very long at all considering there were kids in there that had been in there on and off for a year or two. Thank god I eventually came across my current psychiatrist, the first that's managed to understand me properly, use effective methods for treatment. I just hope I manage to make it through all of this.

I've changed meds again this time to level out my mood, which has reached some extremely high and extremely low points, (up until then I hadn't had much issues with mood just anxiety and anger.) Now it's leveled out again, but having some serious problems with anger, It would be nice if i could soundproof my room and get myself a straight-jacket so I can yell, punch, kick, etc, without damaging anything. I've damaged a lot of things and I continue to hold in my anger which I know is no good, but no amount of releasing it will change my anger levels for good. Sometime I go for walks but my asks me 20 questions before I leave, ensuring my phone's on, she is a real worry wort, but hey she has plenty of reason to, after all not too long ago I went for a walk sitting on the train tracks waiting for the next train. There's also the boxing bag in the garage but I have to ask mum to back out her car every time, which makes it incredibly hard. When I'm in that state of mind it's so hard to speak, I feel like I can't move or talk. i just want to be able to release my anger without having to give a long explanation.