Trust Issues...

[ground crew]

I have been victimized in every major relationship in my life, stating with an abusive and unpleasant mother, a murder suicide attempt by exe number one, a key lie about fertility by baby moma number two who happened to be a lawyer and has beat me with our wonderful but unintended daughter ever since she required me to impoverish myself and destroy my career for the relationship, then sued me for support when the relationship failed and at rate consistent with my previous earning level. I have been scrapping along economically ever since. Homelessness and depression common.



So, on this website, I notice a lot of women who have been victimized in relationships and I do not doubt the reality of this abuse nor diminish it with comparison to my situation except it is domestic abuse by a supposed trusted partner. In the last ten years, I have not been able to establish or even try to start a relationship. Is this distrust ever going to be overcome such that I can at least try to go on a date?How long does it take “normal domestic abuse” victims to get over it?

As a man, I find that saying i am the victim of domestic abuse is skeptically received. It is uncomonly reported but the data i have seen suggests it is nearly as common for the man to be abused as a women. But there are no support groups that I have seen.

 

[Finchlet2]

Women abusing men is just as f*cked up as men abusing women. Don't let anyone ever belittle your experiences. I think more and more people are realizing that it happens both ways round. Please don't give up on people, you've had your fair share of shitty ones so statistically you're due some good ones.

 

[Gs172003]

It happens but men are very hush hush about their problems. I don't understand it. You won't be judged here

 

[J'qel]

Domestic abuse isn't gender based. I've had to stand up against women who abused or assaulted men before-it helps that that kind of thing incenses me. Abuse is one of my triggers and I get disproportionately angry when I see it. So, not so much help as it stops the abuse from happening-good for the victim-but usually needs me to get another few days to piece things back and not be ticked off at everything. Ranting sometimes helps :P

Don't be afraid to be open about domestic abuse. I know that it's hard with the male idea that men aren't supposed to talk about it, but that's a stupid idea that causes irreparable harm. Anyone who supports *that* idea isn't someone you need to be associating with, you'd be better off without them.

I don't know how long it takes, I think it varies by degrees and by individuals. You need to take your time at it, there's no rush, you're not a carton of milk with an expiry date. More like a freshly brewed wine that needs some time for the crud to settle. :P

 

[ground crew]

It happens but men are very hush hush about their problems. I don't understand it. You won't be judged h...

Are men hush hush? Or is there just no interest in hearing? My experiance suggests the second.

 

[ground crew]

Domestic abuse isn't gender based. I've had to stand up against women who abused or assaulted men before-...

since we keep finding the same relationship over and over, the cycle is broken by not participating in a relationship.

 

[Anarchy]

Hi Ground Crew,
Good to see you, sorry that it's here!

There are groups for males who experience domestic abuse. This one's in Ireland, where I used to live. I'm guessing that there are equivalent groups elsewhere. Ireland has a very screwed up macho culture (and lots of adolescent male suicide) so if there's an Irish group, there's a good chance of groups elsewhere.

Amen Abuse Against Men -

 

[Muted]

Are men hush hush? Or is there just no interest in hearing? My experiance suggests the second.[/QUO...

What are you looking for here @ground crew ?
As far as your questions.. Are you looking for responses from male survivors of domestic violence or female survivors of domestic violence or either?

Are you needing validation or are you venting? You ask for advice, but your post seems to be focused on the fact that your a male.

 

[joeylittle]

My therapist was subject to domestic violence, perpetrated by his first wife. It was a big part of why he first focused on men's issues, when he became a therapist. It is an under-recognized and under-resourced topic: both the struggles that men face living up to ideals that are pushed on them of what it means to "be a man", and also, the fact that men can be victims of domestic violence as easily as women.

@ground crew - groups are out there for men's issues, and male survivors. They are definitely harder to find. If you can, widen your search a little, keep googling, check out nami.org, also look for retreats geared towards male survivors.

 

[Muted]

It is an under-recognized and under-resourced topic: both the struggles that men face living up to ideals that are pushed on them of what it means to "be a man", and also, the fact that men can be victims of domestic violence as easily as women.

I agree. I also think society puts a tremendous amount of pressure on men to tough things out. They are taught as children to put their emotions aside and be 'a man'. I hate the stereotype society has on men. It grates on me.

 

[J'qel]

Me too Gia-so very much. The results of that particularly nasty toxic sentiment can be utterly heartbreaking.

I can only hope with some of the acceptance we are moving towards that it will, one day, be seen for the destructive statement it is.

 

[Gs172003]

Are men hush hush? Or is there just no interest in hearing? My experiance suggests the second.[/QUO...

In my experience they are hush hush. The idea of talking about a woman hurting them is almost taboo.