Trust

[Recovery4Me]

Rather than be guillable, to err on the side of caution just seems practical. Science, math has proofs & it is expected, even tossed out without such. So I am comfortable in trusting in steps as it is earned.

I personally do not believe that tempting someone is a fair indicator of trust on all levels. I have known people that I trusted in life and death situations repeatedly that could not be trusted to do a domestic routine (like let out the cat) or not down my booze for breakfast. ;) Depends on what you are looking for I guess.

 

[anthony]

I have known people that I trusted in life and death situations repeatedly that could not be trusted to do a domestic routine (like let out the cat) or not down my booze for breakfast.

And that is exactly what I mean about sliding scale. Me, personally, I find peoples weakness who want to be in my inner circle of life, and know what to trust them with, and what not to. I even test and adjust over the years, because people change. So whilst they may let the dog starve two years ago and I wouldn't trust them to look after them... they may be different now, thus now trustable on that aspect they were not before.

 

[sun seeker]

How do you trust?

With great difficulty. It takes lots of time and repeated proving of trustworthiness, and even so, I hold something back.

My take on it is trusting others really comes down to a question of whether I trust myself. People are unpredictable. As trustworthy as they want to be, they are human and dealing with their own issues and aren't likely to behave as I'd like them to 100% of the time. But, if I can trust myself to be okay even when others change the game plan, I can relax. I am hypervigilant because I know I haven't gotten to that place of equanimity and that a small eddy can feel like a tidal wave. It's not so much about others, it's about me. That's as far as I've gotten, anyway.

 

[Friday]

@atwistedfate

True. I have a whole lotta me issues. Trust is one of them. One I've been working on for about 15 years & ain't satisfied with, yet. Hence the thread. I like hearing how other people do things. Gives me different things to think about & try.

<rueful> That I don't actually talk about meaningful things in my life, even on here, is a bit of that. Easy to talk. Hard to say shit that matters. Still trying, though.

 

[Recovery4Me]

because people change

It is hard sometimes to see the changes repeated trauma makes on those close to you (not even just yourself). Microcosms seem so hard to connect at times concerning trust. I think most of all, that I had to learn to trust myself on what was really important in friendship.

 

[Nevermore]

Oh yes, trust! I only totally trusted a couple of people in my life and one is dead, one gone from my life. I do miss it, being able to be your whole self without fear, and since they've been gone I realise what a huge effect it has on my life not having a touchstone.
I want to trust, but I realise too that it's very rare. My grandmother once told me, "Where trust goes, love soon follows". It made me realise how closely trust is linked with love. Maybe trust is love, and vice versa.
I don't think you can make yourself trust. It just happens over time and repeated experience of being heard and seen and responded to in a way you understand and can reciprocate. I hope I trust like that again one day.
I hope you do too!
But there's a lot of people out there with weird agendas, I find. Or weird to me anyway. It's hard to find the two way flow that lets it happen.

 

[anthony]

I had to learn to trust myself

Yup... that is still a difficult one at times in relationships.

 

[digger]

By biggest problem with trust is that I don't trust myself to be able to make good judgements about whether people are trustworthy or not.

 

[ladee]

For me, trust has to be earned. I let my hyper vigilance play a role in seeing who I can trust. I have a few very loving friendships that are long term. Like in over 30 yrs long term. Part of the reason these relationships have stood the test of time, is because as things changed, our lives, having kids, on and on until 'Grandmotherhood', we have had our times to grow and communicate and love, forgive and move on.
New people in my life.... well, like others have said, it depends on the circumstances and what I am trusting someone with.The only thing I trust without doubt is my 'gut'.
My head can be swirling like a tornado over a situation, but if I listen to my 'gut', I have never been led down a dark ally. But people show you who they are... I pay attention to those things.. And some people I share more about some things and others say nothing at all... Some people I will give chances to, depending on the circumstances. Others are out of my life, on the first alert to not trust this person. I can walk away from people easily. I forgive easily, but that is me. I don't want to carry around a bunch of crap that has nothing to do with me... do I forget. uh, no.
And the other side of this coin, am I trustworthy?

 

[EveHarrington]

Wouldn't it be nice if @atwistedfate was right and sharing details online somehow did indeed equate with being able to trust people?

By this argument I'd be one of the most trusting people out there given my last few posts!

Ahem.

Lol.

But sadly, no, it doesn't really work like this.

I guess I don't understand the "it's a you issue" part of their reply. Is this black/white thinking along the lines of absolute trust ie trust is at 0% or 100% with nothing in between?

Just thinking out loud.

 

[SeanCharles]

Hmmm... Trusting people online...

This is definitely hot topic at the moment... For me, getting to know someone online definitely takes time. Being that chat and threads are text, I tend to read between the lines, I don't take everything I read at face value. Then again, people on line have various motives as they do in IRL (In Real Life).

In terms of people here, there are those I trust more than a few others.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

Trust issues. When I trusted myself it was with clear acuity. Losing self trust led to bad choices when in need. Creating nurturing bonds requires openness, trust. Gordian Knot.

• Jean-Paul Sartre, "In Sein und Zeit Heidegger seems to have profited by study of his predecessors and to have been deeply impressed with this twofold necessity: (1) the relation between "human-realities" must be relation of being; (2) this relation must cause "human-realities" to depend on one another in their essential being. At least his theory fulfills these two requirements. In his abrupt, rather barbaric fashion of cutting Gordian knots rather than trying to untie them, he gives in answer to the question posited a pure and simple definition." (from "Being and Nothingness", Wash. Sq. Press, 1956, p330)[27]