Trust

[sun seeker]

isnt selling trust issues getting money to have someone to take the issues away?

Yes, that was my point, that rather than selling our issues we should be offering to pay to have someone take them away.

 

[Chimera]

Hmmm..
Maybe it's more about knowledge than trust?
We have developed so very many coping skills, couldn't one of them be the ability to determine, recognize and choose not to allow danger or dangerous people into our lives?
And conversely, as children, the people who were supposed to protect us, harming us destroyed the evolution of that knowledge, so that we trust f*cked up behaviors because they tricked us into believing red was blue and wrong was right...just thinking..

 

[Lionheart]

Everyone has the potential to let you down at some point and I guess the thing for me is, that I try to be discerning of others weaknesses as was mentioned earlier.
I check out their behaviors especially when they are stressed, when they are angry, and when they are afraid.

I find out how they treat other people and if I can, how they talk about me when I am not around.
Above all else I will trust my gut instinct to tell me who, what, and when to trust.

This is because the only time my gut instinct ever let me down was when I didn't trust it!

 

[oasis2003]

Trust is such a complicated issue. I basically trust !!? Until proved otherwise. Then now I think they are only human . Before when someone who I trusted betrayed me ( this is not the people who abused me I would never trust them ) I was so hurt Now I have learnt that other people also have ther own issues needs it is often not as simple as it seems they are only human not perfect .

 

[Stickler]

@atwistedfate little kids have to love and trust their parents for normal cerebral and social development...I mean really.
One of my parents was so abusive that it put my life at risk, and the other parent did not notice it happening...
So my mind did some really strange backflips to manage that contradiction.

As a result of that breaking I went through, I trust the wrong people. The wrong people feel familiar. They are what I'm used to.

I get to clean up someone else's mess as an adult...Well, actually, a number of people's messes. Very annoying.
Admittedly, the problem is onboard-as in, wherever I go, there it is...but saying it's ME sounds like I somehow deserved all the sick, dangerous shit my dad did himself and allowed to be done to me? No. I was just a mostly-ordinary little kid.

Admittedly, it felt somewhat less terrifying to be at home with dad than to be out with other guys. So feeling safe with my abuser...because I got home alive again...I guess it sort of mentally geared me to feel safe with unsafe people.

 

[atwistedfate]

@atwistedfate little kids have to love and trust their parents for normal cerebral a...

@Stickler I'm sorry to hear that hope u can learn to trust me

 

[Mallaky]

If you had asked me two years ago I would have laughed and said "I don't have trust issues."

Since then I have learned that my definition of trust was so distorted and perverted that I had no clue what that word even meant.

 

[ladee]

I trust that people show you who they are. I trust that they will make you the 'bad guy' if you set boundaries because you simply do not have to be on the receiving end of their behavior. I trust that self absorbed people will never see the role they played in you setting the boundary to begin with. I trust that all I have to do is take care of myself... and it's really ok for them not to understand.

 

[EveHarrington]

I just realized that the only people who have had issues with my trust issues actually have bigger trust issues than mine! It's crazy how they'll beg me to trust them, lash out at me for not trusting them, and when all else fails they try to guilt me into trusting them.

Oh my.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

By biggest problem with trust is that I don't trust myself to be able to make good judgements about wheth...

This! Completely agree with you, digger.

I still trust some people, especially people who were close to me before my trauma and still are today. Other people I trust are female friends.

Men, not so much. And that is indeed for a large part because I have trusted the wong "man" before and now I'm afraid I'll make that mistake again.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I was the one with the issue not others.

No shit! I think we all know this already and no one is trying to say its anyone else, however do you expect me to just "learn to trust people" after i was hurt so bad by people, over 1000 people over the years. Dont think so!

Yes, its a me issue HOWEVER i learn to trust anyone by time, and the level of trust is different depending on what happens in that time.

You say you don't trust anyone yet you come here and tell people what's going on in your life

Yes i did as well, but trusting people on this site still took time. It doesnt take trust, for me, to "dump my shit"; it takes trust to know that no one is going to hurt me with it, judge me, use my past against me etc. Less time than in person but time nonetheless. And it took more time to learn that no one was going to purposely hurt me here than it did to "dump my shit" on here. A lot more time.

As a CSA survivor, I learned the exact opposite about trust when I was a child, namely: trust someone and prepare to be abused.

The trauma experiences that each of us carry are different, and so have impacted not just our ability to trust, but also the ways that we define trust and what it might cost us to trust v's not trust.

Exactly! But i dont blame it on anyone, except for my abusers. So for me, trust is learned & earned. I learn how to trust but you still need to earn it!

 

[Lionheart]

You know what??? I found someone that I have known for 3 and 1/2 decades and I remember now how we always had trust between us...We never did have to work at building trust because it just came naturally to us and we were young then and that might have something to do with it but, it was before my PTSD kicked in!!

I had forgotten how much I just automatically trust this woman and I guess it was because of all the signals I got from her were the clear cut and honest truth about things,.....

But anyway I wanted to share that sometimes you can just trust your gut instincts to keep you safe and allow yourself to be vulnerable and to trust.