Trying To Figure Out Life After Ecstasy (combat)

[Animal1]

Was anyone else in the invasion part of Iraq?

 

[Jimmy1]

Animal, just a little word of advice.

This is a great forum, but it can be very closed to new people at the start. Its that whole trust thing.
We don't know who you are until after a few posts, so don't be expecting too much info back at you for a bit.
Its for all our peace of mind. You see, you get students studying PTSD, you get kids looking for gory details and all sorts of freaks trying to get info out of us.

You welcome to ask questions though, just don't be disappointed if some don't get answered.

As for how to manage your symptoms, medications, and vet centre stuff or even just a general chit chat, the guys will openly answer those.

Cheers

Jimmy

 

[Ned]

Are you suggesting to just leave it be as a wonderful/worst time in life. I was held the best and the worst times. And maybe it is ok to let it be a landmark in my path. That easy to say. I don't want to be talking about "the best years of my life"and miss the next 30 years for sake of remembering my time in combat.
What do you all do with that? Do you "restart"?

Well, that's the plan. The irony is that in some ways we are spoilt rotten, Have lived more extremely than most of those around us. Some of my best times were living out of the back of a Land Rover (ready to bug out!).
I think that explains the routine frustration, the sense of comfort when we recognise someone else who has been there.
But yes, re-creating interpersonal crises just to get the buzz again is probably a bad policy....................
Look at it this way, if you've been there, you know the bad bits, and the good bits, and you are fortunate enough to be in one piece enough to recall them.
Leave it at that and get on with the pain-in-the-arse job of recalibrating, that demands enough attention.

 

[Ned]

I feel like that always and wonder how to adjust to life now...

And there's the rub........
Out in the blue, sandbox, green, what ever it was, I think every sense is heightened and amplified. Like you say, small simple things, moments of quiet, random glimpses of the surreal beauty you get in all theatres, can really get to you.
The contrast is turned right up.
And now, well the usual cliches of numbness, disconnect, withdrawal can kick in all too readily, and make it all a bit grey.
Daniel, Sarg and some others have made a good point. It's important to get off your backside and, in whatever way you can, make something special (and preferably non-lethal) happen.
The more I've experienced doing that, the more the operational stuff recedes as a crutch and I begin to value stuff I've done since as a good datum point. New good times, that stay in my memory and worthy of repeating. I don't want to erase those times on the edge, but it's good to have something else to cuddle up to..........

 

[daniel]

glad you came back around. you showed up and that is a big step. war is war, but i am sure you will find some of your own to relate to.

Elsewhere I wrote, "there never was anything before vietnam, and never anything after vietnam, only vietnam." just insert "the invasion of iraq" and it's the same for you as i read your words.

It wanes over time (the feeling). But it takes a lot of working through to get to that point. i can't say much because you probably feel yours was the only war and only care to hear from your peers. you need to find that place that let's you be with guys who fought when you did (for now).

there aint no reset button my man. you put one foot in front of the other. you aint never getting back what you lost (innocence). but if you want to get yourself under control, it will depend on how much you are willing to work and to what degree you allow yourself to be a patient in the hands of the professionals.

 

[Sarg]

Excellent thread, just excellent! If I may, I'd like to bring up adrenal highs. What pushed us through the elephant grass looking for Charlie? What pushes someone, in full uniform, full pack, in the Iraqi heat to keep bustin down doors, not knowing whether if a frightened child or man with an AK was behind it? Adrenalin.

We oooozed the stuff. And yes, it is extremely addictive. I've never done hard drugs, so I don't know firsthand, but it sounds like someone coming off hard drugs. And yes, when you come off that adrenal high, nothing is the same. Everything slows down, everything is "duller". You were doing 175 MPH and you have to slow down to 35. I still have cravings for it. Didn't understand what I was craving, but I was craving it.

My theory, anyway.

Sarg

 

[Ned]

Got it, Sarg. Adrenalin. 'Nothing uglier than a man hittin' his stride' (The Tragically Hip).

 

[Jimmy1]

So the thread has been officially hijacked, but that's the beauty about this forum. If we want to say something we say it. This is awesome info and has answered a bit more in my head too.

I suppose this is why nothing is good enough in our lives now. We can always do better, and don't like compliments.
Very rarely in our training did we receive compliments but we like to be appreciated. As a veteran, just the nod of a head from a fellow veteran was enough. We also set the bar that high that we always fail to reach those expectations. Nothing is good enough.

 

[daniel]

So the thread has been officially hijacked, but that's the beauty about this forum. If we want to say something we say it. This is awesome info and has answered a bit more in my head too.

I suppose this is why nothing is good enough in our lives now. We can always do better, and don't like compliments.
Very rarely in our training did we receive compliments but we like to be appreciated. As a veteran, just the nod of a head from a fellow veteran was enough. We also set the bar that high that we always fail to reach those expectations. Nothing is good enough.

I am a little weary of posting. dredges up too much of my past and the beginning of my journey down this road. It is just more of the same only thing different is the names of the war. I worked through all of the crap you f*cking new guys are going through, I don't care to revisit it.

But I came back on to say one more thing to Animal. Son I think your whole "I love combat" is a crock of shit. If it's war stories and killing you want to talk about (sans anyone from my war remark), then you are best served joining the American Legion. There are a whole bunch of wannabe killers in that organization. The VFW aint the place 'cause all they care about is filling their ranks with new bodies and quietly drowning their miserable lives in drink. On the other hand try and get into a "Rambo" group in the VA. That would be a perfect fit, in with a whole bunch of compensation seekers looking to perfect their bullshit stories and hijack the exploits of others. A PTSD site aint the place to come, talking about how much you liked to kill. The real deals here have seen as much if not more during their own times in battle. I wonder if you were even in combat or even a Marine. Your shit aint PTSD, it's pyscopathic. Someday you folks will learn not everybody who claims is legitimate. my 2

My personal opinion is your a weak punk looking to perfect your story . . . You want action go back in and get some in Afghanistan.

 

[Jimmy1]

Daniel, you just reiterate what I have said numerous times on here. Anyone who enjoys killing need to get psychological help. Too many video games I think.

 

[daniel]

I was a Sgt. of Infantry Marines.

We don't talk like that either. Platoon Sgt or Squad Leader maybe!

 

[Animal1]

Daniel,

I understand why you would be skeptical. I'm livid.

If you are on Facebook look up "Ani Mal". That is my ambiguous profile for privacy reasons. I have about forty Marine friends. You can ask them who I am. I DON'T WANT ANYMORE OF YOUR BULLSHIT UNTIL YOU DO THAT.
2/23 Golf company USMC. We crossed the border on May 23 2003. We were the most advanced in Baghdad. My platoon cleared the UN building there. I have the Iraqi flag that was flying in the UN court yard in Baghdad. Look it up in the history books and shut your mouth.

Can you honestly say that soon after your return a part of you wanted to go back to more combat, just so you could try to figure it out, and find out what to do with it all. I would be surprised if you didn't. What I was getting at is some part of me still wants more and the other wants to move on. Of course deep down inside I don't want to hurt anyone.

You display your FEAR in your quick JUDGMENT of me.

I am trying to be very polite.

Thanks for PMing to get me back on.

Just because I don't fit into you "we don't say that" box doesn't mean that I am some thesis student.

I almost posted after my question about Iraq veterans that I have mad respect for you Vietnam vets. I believe that was the ugliest of wars. I didn't post it because I assumed you wouldn't be so sensitive.

So I am going to move on and answer other posts.

I look forward to your DIRECT response.
No hard feelings (that I'll tell you about).

I was a Sgt. of Marines. We do talk like that. Maybe things have changed a little of the last 30 years.