General Trying To Figure Out Where I Fit..

[May1321]

I've been bouncing through this site and trying to find where I need to be.

When it surfaced that the relationship issues my boyfriend and I had (out of the blue) were caused by his PTSD from combat, it was obvious that in order to be able to understand, I needed to seek some answers on how to cope with what I was being told/dealt and support so I wouldn't take it personally and interfere with his healing.

I ordered the book "PTSD Relationship" and had started reading "The Mastery of Love" again.

I realize I am wounded from relationships in the past but I never really knew where the missing link was. And how could I fix it. I figured the way my anxiety/depression flared was not normal, no matter what was going on with my boyfriend. And then I read my symptoms in the PTSD Relationship book.

Somewhere between verbal, sexual, and self abuse, I think I've lost myself.

I set up an appointment with a therapist and I swear it's like my eyes are opened but now I'm scared, too. Not just the fear of losing the one I've loved most recently, but loving again.

I found this site trying to understand more but I find myself still confused. I know my symptoms aren't like combat PTSD, nor could they necessarily be defined as traumatic by others.

I'm still dealing with my boyfriend/ex boyfriend and the sadness that brings me. But also dealing with these depression ups and downs that I guess I finally have realized I'm actually in.

Is it possible to be on both sides? A supporter and a sufferer?

 

[amethist]

Hi May

It is possible to be on both side of the PTSD fence, but it is up to you to decide which side you are going to be on. But if you just have depression form how thing have been due to your boyfriends PTSD, then you should be on the supporters side. As well as understanding that his issues have effected you too, to the point of possible secondary PTSD.

That said, until you do have a confirmed diagnosis of your own, then please do not see yourself as a sufferer. PTS is also a possibility, which in time can be cured, where as PTSD as yet cannot.

Take care and look after yourself a lot more now.

Amethist.

 

[May1321]

Thanks Amethist. I understand that. And it makes more sense to me. I understand not everyone in my life knows exactly what they are talking about and it is going to take time to figure that all out. I appreciate your insight. I have a deep belief that everything in my life is curable, or at least manageable but it is my choice. I want to support my boyfriend through what he has to work with no matter what that means for us, while at the same time taking the best care for myself so that I may be a stronger person for whomever it be in my life. I think this time will also make me a better sister for my brother and sister-in-law that have their own forms of PTS.
Thanks again for your time.
May