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Trying to find out how to help wife/us.

Discussion in 'Supporter Discussion' started by bluebird, Sep 1, 2006.

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  1. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

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    This was supposed to appear in the Spouse forum
     
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  3. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

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    this was my first post. I thought I was a member of the Spouse group. I posted it and it was on the main page. can anyone help? I just tried to look at a PTSD post and I was able to. I thought you could only be a member of one or the other?
     
  4. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

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    I think I understand now. I needed to go into the Spouse Private Chat. When I clicked on Forum Spouse chat I thought I was in the private group and good to go. Well, I guess I feel better typing it even though I had to remove it.
     
  5. permban0008

    permban0008 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Bluebird,

    Welcome to the forum. My husband, Anthony is the computer guru and will be able to direct you to the right area tomorrow. He is currently in bed with my little one after a tiring day at the V8 Supercars with his eldest.
     
  6. jods

    jods Well-Known Member

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    Welcome Bluebird

    Glad your hear. Hope you & you're wife are looking after yourself.
     
  7. Kims_Man

    Kims_Man Active Member

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    Bluebird,

    I missed your first post, not sure where you ended up sending it, but just by the title, I think I may be able to add some insight (or at least let you know you two are not alone in all this).

    My wife suffers from PTSD, all resulting from her childhood and the abuse she suffered. I have been exposed to it for only 6 years, and had no idea what was going on. She would explode into violent rages, then become depressed and sorrowfull about the entire thing. I had no knowledge of what PTSD did to someone, in fact, I associated it with war veterans primarily, and never thought it could affect someone like her. Anyway, one of her biggest turning points came when she began reading posts on this site. If you wife hasn't begun to do that yet, I highly encourage it. It really seems to help when they read that what they are going through is not unique, and that they are not going crazy! It helped me, too. Gave me a load of understanding, and some tips on how to handle things. Don't remember exactly where this was posted, but I came across this poem somewhere on this site, and it hit home with me:

    When I ask you to listen to me
    And you start giving advice
    You have not done what I asked

    When I ask you to listen to me
    And you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way
    You are trampling on my feelings.

    When I ask you to listen to me
    And you feel you have to do something to solve my problem,
    You have failed me, strange as that may seem.

    Listen! All I asked was that you listen.
    Not talk or do
    Just hear me.


    Works, bro. Good luck,

    Warren
     
  8. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the replies.

    Kim's Man,

    Thanks, I can't believe the similarities with what you described and with what we are going through. I like the poem and it does hit home. But...its hard. I don't want "just listening" to look like " just waiting for her to shut up". I always feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.

    My post was not lost. When I posted it I found that it was not in the spouse chat. It was available to all. I scrambled to remove it. I am limited to what I will say in the general forum. I would take my chances in the spouse chat forum but I think that membership is based on posts. So.. I'm stuck!!. Yet another rock and hard place.
     
  9. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

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    It looks like I am now a member of the SPOUSES ONLY group which is great but it looks like nobody uses it.

    K's M,
    Are you a member of that group?
     
  10. Andrea42

    Andrea42 Active Member

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    Hi All,
    Good advice Kim's Man! Reading posts on here and being able to relate to others is very helpful (i believe it helps my husband a ton) Not to mention it helps me to read and understand what my husband is going through (he is the one with PTSD) considering our communication is not too great at the moment...

    Bluebird,
    I feel the same...just by the title of your thread... i missed your first post as well but i am looking for answers too...I dont know what else to do...things are pretty bad right now for us...I just requested to join the spouse only forum...so hopefully you will be accepted and we will be able to share ideas.
     
  11. Kims_Man

    Kims_Man Active Member

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    Hey Bluebird,


    I am a member of that group, and actually just completed my first posting there. I feel this is going to be a good place for us to get things out that we wouldn't feel comfortable posting here.

    Take a look. Andrea, we'll be looking for you there, too!

    Kim's Man
     
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