Relationship Trying To Get Through This

[TinaG]

Do any of y'all have any advice about getting through the withdrawal stage? I don't mean to sound selfish but I am really struggling tonight & miss my guy & its so hard without him saying anything! I want so badly to text him or call him but don't want him to push farther away! I've tried distractions & taking care of myself but in all honesty I'm hurting and want him to just say something, I don't understand what he's going through & I respect his need for time, it just was so sudden. We have a beautiful day together & the next he just was gone. Someone who has gone through this before please help!

 

[Owl.]

This isn't going to be the most satisfying answer, but it really is the only one I can give (other than "give in, contact him and probably make it a million times worse for everyone involved"), sadly.

Distraction, distraction, distraction.
Any way you can, really. Hobbies, going out (though you may not feel like that at all), punishing workouts to the point of utter exhaustion (bonus if they knock you right out, sleeping people don't feel an urge to text), blasting music with lyrics saying exactly what you'd like to scream in his face right now, whatever that may be, movies, housework, writing, studying - anything.

It's crazy hard to go from 100 to 0 with no proper warning and no preparation, but it can and does get easier once the switch in your brain gets flipped from "this is time without him" to "this is time with myself". Be selfish. When the Beast in him isn't giving him a choice but to put himself first, the only thing you can do to keep it from using you as its doormat is to do the same thing for yourself.

Stay strong, you can do this. :)

 

[TinaG]

Thank you! I appreciate your advice, it helps tremendously :) the last thing he said to me was he was truly sorry & that I deserve better so I'm just wondering if that was him letting go and if I'm holding on for nothing

 

[Sweetpea76]

Ultimately you get to decide how long you are going to wait. Relationships run both ways.

 

[TinaG]

That is true. I feel that he's worth the wait, but if he has no intention of getting back to where we were then it'd be easier to deal with. I'm just stuck in the unknown

 

[Atomic]

Thank you! I appreciate your advice, it helps tremendously :) the last thing he said to me was he was truly sorry & that I deserve better so I'm just wondering if that was him letting go and if I'm holding on for nothing

TinaG, I'm only slightly ahead of you time-wise in learning to cope with this. My guy said the same things. I think there is a lot of self-loathing going on that has absolutely nothing to do with you. I got lots of I hate myself, I'm sorry, I wouldn't intentionally be a prick, I don't know, I hate this, you are far better than I deserve, please don't be angry with me........

What actually turned me around was doing as much reading and research as I could - from here - and also lots of other sites. HOURS. Could write my own thesis by now lol. By turn me around, I mean to not take it personally and just step back and be ok with that. Managing myself better. I'm lucky in that he has replied, nothing affectionate at all, but he's self-aware enough to be able to share some stuff. Even then he's saying he's embarrassed and dislikes admitting things.

A lot of my thinking time has been focussed on myself as well and letting it sink in that this will always be a part of him. Can I handle that? It won't ever go away, it can't be loved away, it will forever be there. At my point in life I probably could because his kids and mine are all grown up now. I don't think I could put a young family in the mix on purpose. It's a different situation if the ptsd came after the children were born. So maybe you could start putting some time into exploring how you feel about it and what it means for your life.

Sufferers seem to be exceptionally sweet souls and beautiful energies, and I've wondered if that's what got them into strife. I've cried buckets just on that concept alone.

I really do understand how suddenly having a wonderful person, full of grace and compassion and care, drop off the face of the earth is confusing. Try and wean yourself, like a drug, from having to have immediate answers from him right now. He doesn't have any and is just holding himself together.

Hugs.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Try and wean yourself, like a drug, from having to have immediate answers from him right now. He doesn't have any and is just holding himself together

This is one of the hardest things to learn about being a supporter. "It is what it is"... As frustrating as "it is", that's just the way things are. You have to come to peace with it.

 

[TinaG]

Thank you @Atomic I have been throwing myself into my work, children, and whatever else it takes to keep my self sane. @Sweetpea76 I do understand I have to deal with it. I just wish I had something from him. I'm at peace knowing I could wait forever for him, my scare is that he won't come back. It maybe " it is what it is" but it isn't that simple for me to just forget what we had & not let it bother me. I am new to this and maybe it'll get easier? I told him I was in this for the long haul and I chose him & everything that comes with him so I'll just keep faith that he comes back around.