Undiagnosed Trying To Save My Marriage

[intothelight]

Hi Ddp,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

I am sorry that you are going through this. Getting a diagnosis and starting treatment are great first steps in helping yourself. To have healthy relationships, it is important that each person be as healthy as they can. By seeking treatment you are taking the first step.

Keep communication open with your wife. Encourage her to get the help and support that she needs, and if possible, couple's counseling may be beneficial.

I hope you find the information and support here helpful as you work on healing.

Take care.

Debbie

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

 

[The Albatross]

Welcome Ddp, for what it's worth. I didn't get a diagnosis til I was in my 50's but likely have had PTSD since I was a youth. My spouse and I have been working through things, though our marriage has been at a crisis point various times and we've been married 23 years. In spite of conventional wisdom, if the underpinnings of your and your wife's commitment is still love, you can teach old dogs new tricks.

It is not comfortable or easy at times, but it is generally better to reestablish communication, conflict resolution, and partnering skills together than apart. Participation here helps... I've improved consistently since I began my membership here a couple years ago.

Take heart, and this is a solid mutual support and education group. Glad you're here.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome. :)

 

[Ddp]

Well today had its ups and downs. I texted my wife messages about positive things that I thought of today, only a couple, which is disheartening. It is very difficult to think positively when you are about to be left completely alone. This you folks is the most terrifying thing that I do not want to experience. My mind races and my hopelessness becomes worse as I worry about the future. I just want my life back, my family back. I have failed as a husband, father, leader of my family. I can only pray that tomorrow will bring some answers and relief to the pain in my heart right now. I want to thank all of you for the kind words and support that I now can feel from all of you who have written me. I know I am not alone but the feeling can be overwhelming most of the time. I will continue to battle this with my new found support Group. Thank you :cry:

 

[Eleanor]

Ddp. With respect to the racing mind. You can bring that under some control. Breath. Notice all the particulars around you. How the air smells and feels on your skin. What you hear, all the various sounds. How your feet feel. Is there anything that must be taken care of RIGHT NOW? If so, take action. If not, you are safe. Notice that, really notice it. Right now, everything is ok. Breath some more. If you feel like crying, cry. If you feel like yelling, (not at anyone) Yell. Things are not nearly so overwhelming or flooding if we can stay right smack in the NOW.

There are I don't know how many billion people on the planet. If you are alone for any length of time it is because you didn't bother to go seek out others. No one has the power to "leave me completely alone." Oh, an individual can deprive you of their company, but Alone or Not Alone is up to you. No adult ever died of Lonely. Self-neglect yes. Lonely, no.

Failed, huh? How so? I am always suspicious of global judgments like this one. Specifically what did you fail to do? What did you do that you should not have? Assuming your assessment is based in objective fact, what can you do to make it right? The best defense against depression and overwhelm is a focus on caring for others and taking action.

Hang in there...

 

[nursenurse]

Ddp, it took time for your life to get to this point, and it will take time for it to right itself. No guarantees on anything, though, sorry to say. The best thing you can do for yourself is to keep up with therapy, you were supposed to see the psychologist today, I believe, it would be a good start.

You aren't a failure. Life changes, situations change, people change. You are going through such a horrid patch right now. Yes, you have likely done some things wrong. So has everyone else in your life. And everyone else in the world. Right what you can. Focus on helping yourself. Those who are meant to be in your life will get what you are doing. Those who have checked out, won't. But you will have the most precious commodity in your own life - you.

Take good care of yourself. You can't look after others until you do that for yourself :)

 

[Ddp]

I am enthusiastic to say that the appointment went well, and we (psychologist)and I have a plan and are moving forward together, I have come to the realization through the words written above the following. Even tho my thoughts, feelings and what I have been told indicate that i am a " hot mess of a person", I have read your post's over and over and it is amazing that people that don't even know me (you folks) have been such a huge support and influence on helping me feel like I am worthy and can battle this problem head on, everyone here has given me the confidence and willpower to move forward and let the chips fall where they may, at least I will be better in my heart, thank you so much for your kind words and advice, God bless all of you for this. :geek:

 

[nursenurse]

Ddp, you are worthy. Never, ever forget that. Life will have its challenges for sure, but it will be easier with the help of your psych person. And to be better in your heart, well, what more can you ask for.

My sufferer has had little support by way of family and friends, even he has buried his head in the sand when it comes to PTSD. He knows he has it, he seeks the appropriate help and takes the meds, but doesn't care to learn about it any further. I know more now than he does, if you can believe that. His behaviour (not caring to learn anything further) is typical of any man I have met, friend or family, PTSD or not. He and they just do what they are told. So I commend you for moving forward and learning.

The chips may not fall where you would like them to, but it is early. Maybe when the Missus sees that you are serious and moving forward, she may opt to step back into your life. But if she doesn't, it is still important to find yourself and truly become what you are meant to be in this life. I don't see you folks as hot messes, maybe just slightly misplaced :) Good luck, and keep up on the boards.