Trying To Stay Strong

[This Ends Now]

I left Jo yesterday. I have tried to leave several times before but always gone back. I am in a safe place and trying to process all this clean and sober. I have very supportive friends that have let me stay at their house for the short term and my family has offered to help me with the financial aspects of the transition.

The thing is that last night I got several messages from Jo. I am a bit overwhelmed. I am sure that we are both better off out of the relationship. I wish him no ill will but I cannot go back. There were just too many destructive elements to the relationship and it was hurting the healing process for me.

 

[Jagged Angel]

Hi, it is great to see that you are doing this clean and sober - it's always difficult at the end of a relationship - and that you have a safe place to be at this time.

Just regarding the messages from Jo... the phone has an 'off' button. Use it.

Stay strong and good luck!

 

[This Ends Now]

Ugh. This is exhausting. Made the mistake of taking a phone call on my friend's phone. Had to hang up. Hoping this does not escalate.

 

[tryintobreathe]

Good luck with everything. It's great that you are doing this clean & sober. Be strong!

Jen

 

[Pixie]

Oh honey!!!! Well done. I am so proud of you!

:Hug_emoticon:

This will get better in time okay. The phone calls will become less and less and you can begin to get used to what your life now holds in store for you. So much more freedom honey...

Right here and I think you gave yourself the best Christmas present that you could have ever given yourself.

Rell

 

[Deleted member 541]

TEN,

Stay strong, and try to remember the reasons that you left Jo, and not how much you are missing him, or the relationship....Good luck!!!!

 

[This Ends Now]

Thanks everyone. :Hug_emoticon:

Its not that I'm missing Jo. Its that he just won't let up with the emotional manipulation and trying to contact me. That part has been rough.

To further add to stress I found out yesterday before I went to Christmas Eve dinner with my friends that my grandfather has gotten sicker. He was diagnosed with prostate cancer several years ago and has decided to refuse treatment. Just before I went to dinner I spoke with my grandfather and found out that he has not eaten in three days. He has lost 20 pounds. He has to use a catheter to urinate. He is very weak physically and cannot move around so much. It will be Monday before he can go back to the doctor. My heart is breaking for my grandfather. I will know more about his condition after the doctor visit. At least I am allowed to use the phone again so I can call and speak with him. It has killed me to not be able to speak with grandpop. He sounded so happy that I was able to call and that I am away from Jo and staying sober.

I am not going to let Jo exploit this with me. I felt kinda like that was what Jo was doing earlier when he called. I found six more emails from Jo when I woke up at 5 this morning. I feel so upset. I am worried that this will escalate into full blown stalking. That is what has happened every other time I have tried to leave and it seems like that is the pattern that is going on now. He is trying EVERYTHING to get me to go back and I just refuse.

I am thanking God that I have friends and family helping me get out. Having a safe place here is helpful. One of my friends here is a therapist and she is giving me great advice. Safety is a key role here. I have set up some ground rules to keep Jo away. He does not know the address where I am and I hope to keep it that way. I am not having any physical contact with him. I will have to be at the leasing office and the probation office with him around but I will have someone with me to keep things from getting out of control. I am not going to take any more of Jo's phone calls and will not return Jo's e-mails. I am trying to create a wall between us so that I will be safe. This is the way out that I have been praying for.

 

[amethist]

Hi This Ends Now

Hang in there and stay strong. We are all here for you whenever you need us. Just shout we will listen.

You can do this, you will be OK. Just take everything one day at a time and very slowly

Take care.

Amethist

 

[This Ends Now]

Well I am still staying strong on this. I am a bit annoyed that he is dragging out the closure of our former relationship. I am also very angry that he is not being even remotely reasonable about dividing our mutual assets. Since we were not legally married and he has made sure to put everything in his name I am pretty much screwed financially. This will make it really hard to get meds, therapy, transportation, etc. He did offer me some money to get by in the short term and that helps a lot. I am pretty insulted that he thinks that I am not entitled to a reasonable part of the profit from our work when I have been working for him for so long. He thinks that between 3% and 4% is a more than generous offer. It is almost like he is trying to use money as bait in a trap and I am furious about it. What he is doing is highly unethical and just disgusting. I feel like I have been robbed. I was told that we were a team and that I had to quit working because WE would make more money by me assisting him. It has become more than clear that what he was saying was that HE would make more money and watch me squirm under his thumb.

Whatever.... I tried to be civil and do things the easy way by working it out between us. I guess that now we will do things the very easy way of just never even speaking to him again. I don't know what else I would have expected from someone who has never even sent his first born and only daughter so much as a Christmas card in 9 years.

His rationalizations are so vile and weak. He claims that he cannot help me financially (by giving me what is mine to begin with) because there is not enough money. On the same day that he says this he also gloats about the new car he is going to buy... fully paid up front in cash. He can go eff himself.

 

[Deleted member 541]

He sounds very much like a control freak also......I think that you have made a good decision, to end this....Hang in there....

 

[This Ends Now]

Thanks She Cat. I am so happy that I can make my own decisions again. Heck, I'm happy that I can make phone calls again and go see my family if I want to! I am highly confident that this is the right thing to do. Love and fear do not mix. I have taken a pretty aggressive stand on getting away so that he does not drag me back next time. Sobriety is one key element of that (last time he just scooped me up and I woke up in a different house). Also having supportive friends so I do not have to spend any alone time with him or listen to his voice. Charm will not work this time. Bribery will not work. Flattery will not work. Empty promises will not work. I have made up my mind and I'm sticking to it!

 

[CCurry]

Way to go TEN just keep reminding yourself why you've ended this relationship and maybe being a position of anger will make it easier to stay strong in your decision.