Trying To Stay Strong

[This Ends Now]

Thanks CCurry! I am trying to work through some standard emotions on this. I am also putting a lot of focus on moving on with my life and becoming independent. It feels like there are so many choices out here in the world. Its kinda overwhelming. I guess one day at a time is the best way to deal with these things. :-)

 

[Pixie]

One day at a time hun... that is the way. Still here with you.

Rell

 

[helena]

Hi there,

Just wanted to add my support. It is hard ending a relationship and takes a lot of strength, guts and determination. You know you are doing the right thing for yourself and that has to be the most important thing to hold onto when things get tough.

This is just another step on your healing journey

Good luck and stay strong

Helena
xx

 

[This Ends Now]

Thanks again everyone. I am looking forward to a busy week of meeting new therapists and talking out my issues. I have found it to be a bit hard to get used to my new life but I am happy to be moving forward.

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

Catching up from the holidays and wanted to drop you a note.

I am so proud of you for taking this step, Jo sounds very much like my ex and I know firsthand how hard it can be to break away (especially with the constant calls and emails). Sounds like you are setup in a wonderful, supportive environment and I am so relieved.

I know that Jo should step up and give you more money or a larger percentage of the business profits - but he's not going to because he thinks he can still CONTROL you with the fact that the only way to get that money is to go back.

My advice - take your losses and just walk away. I left my ex with my daughter's clothes and nothing else (he later threw my clothes out in his front yard), I realized quickly that my safety and "freedom" were much more important than anything I had left behind.

I promise, it will get easier, I hope your appts this week go well.

 

[This Ends Now]

Thanks so much sunny,

I have been having a hard time adjusting. Its so strange to be free. I am going to cut my losses as far as the business goes. I know that it is just not worth it to go to court or anything like that. Actually not worth it is not quite accurate... it would be traumatic for me... and I cannot handle any more trauma right now. Still I am seriously insulted that I will be getting less than 10% of our joint assets. I am baffled that I was actually talked into believing that all the work I was doing was mutually beneficial. I guess that when he said "we" would make more money this way what he meant was "he" would be making more money this way. Whatever. At least I don't have to wake up in fear anymore. I don't have to kneel by his side and rub his feet like a.... i don't even know what. Bah!

I was able to call the social security office and set up an appointment to apply for disablility. I don't think that it would be especially safe for me to go right back into a job even if I could. There is just too much risk that I will get badly triggered or have a serious episode. It hurts my pride that I have to ask for help. It hurts my feelings that I have to walk away from the resources and assets that I am entitled to. It hurts my mind to realize how far I let things go before I left. It just hurts all over... but sometimes hurt is good. It feels like shrapnel is being pulled out of my heart. Yes there is pain... a lot of pain. Yes I will be scarred and will never fully heal. I can accept that and move forward. I have a lot of pain and anger to process and will need professional help with that part... but I will be getting professional help.

I am also attending a 12 step program. It has been helpful to reach out to a support group and meet new people. My sponsor is awesome. She is so helpful when I feel down or tempted to just numb out my feelings. I have been able to avoid a relapse into the old bad habits. This is a path that I feel I can stay on and I will be stronger for it.

I am still scared about the appointments this week. I have therapy wed and thurs. I am also meeting with my local bishop on sunday. I also have more 12 step meetings to go to. All in all it is very good progress.

 

[onebravegirl]

Ahh, look...
ANOTHER Brave Girl!
I am very proud of your determined efforts to live a healthier life.
Big Fat Hug,
O

 

[This Ends Now]

Big hugs to everybody who has shown support through this. Today we finalized the logistics of splitting the liquid assets. I think it was more than fair. I am also happy that he has started going to therapy and gotten an accurate diagnosis and started medication. It seems to be helping his healing journey as well.

It was also very healing for me to see a "divorce" happen in a civil way. Yes there was anger and trouble but things did not go all crazy. To me divorce has always been another term for full out war. What I saw growing up was that "winning" was far less important than harming the other party. I am glad to see that things did not go that way. It gives me a dark sort of hope that I can't really describe.

 

[This Ends Now]

Big hugs to everybody who has shown support through this.

Today we finalized the logistics of splitting our mutual assets and formally took my name off the lease. I think the agreement we reached was more than fair. Neither of us is rich by a long shot but we each have a reasonable chance at taking care of our basic needs.

I am also happy that he has started going to therapy and gotten an accurate diagnosis and started medication. It seems to be helping his healing journey as well.

It was also very healing for me to see a "divorce" happen in a civil way. Yes there was anger and trouble but things did not go all crazy. To me divorce has always been another term for full out war. What I saw growing up was that "winning" was far less important than harming the other party. I am glad to see that things did not go that way. It gives me a dark sort of hope that I can't really describe.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I'm glad that things worked out well, and that Jo was able to do this without to much hostility and anger....