Trying to Untangle the Conflict Within

[ice man]

Hi to everyone, i am a new member and have been very moved reading through all your different stories and uplifted by the by the determination to overcome the demons within.
My story begins back in my childhood at the age of around 7 ,as i remember it.My father had always been a boozer,in and out of work but from this peroid onward our family life began to suffer.Excessive drinking,poverty and the final straw violence towards my mother.This carried on for some 6 years,the violence and drinking esculating.I saw things done to my mother that no child should not have to witness and these memories still haunt me now.

Things did improve when my brother and myself came of age and were able to stop the violence and emotional abuse from the bully that i should be able to call my father but in hindsight we both should have had counselling,it never happened.

I am not sure but i think what really triggered my PTSD,if thats what i have,was being attacked in the street by a gang and stabbed in my late teens,a near death experience.I remember this having a massive impact on my personality,loss of confidence and being withdrawn.

I have dealt with these issues for the past 20 years but having become a carer for abused children my past is again starting to rear its ugly head again and i believe it is finally time to deal with my own demons.

This is the first time i have that i have really bared my soul about my past and hope that with support and eventually therapy that not only will my emotional state improve but more importantly family ,friends and the children i continue to care for.

 

[void]

Welcome!!! :hello:

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear ice man,

I admire your courage to be so candid.
-Perhaps the "trigger" of caring for abused children yourself is a "Blessing in Disguise" because now you are at a time in your life when you are becoming ready to begin to heal and get some resolution, and "find a better way".

I think you will find much support, understanding and help here.
Welcome! :hello:

 

[cragger65]

Hi Ice man,

You seem to have a pretty good idea of what your dealing with, you articulate it very well. It's just a matter of time until you start finding resolution, the bits and pieces start to add up.

 

[ice man]

Thank you all for your heart felt welcome ,it really does feel like this forum is going to be a positive place to be.I do think your comment Junebug is spot on and that being a carer myself has made me deal with issues that have been simmering for far to long, thus affecting my life .I may come across as in control and to degree i have to be for family and children i care for but i like so many on this forum have my dark days where i just want to lock myself way or take a tent up the mountain and be by myself for couple of days just to make sense of it all or it least try to.:crazy:

 

[Cindy]

Step one is done !

Ice man:

Recognizing the need to get a grasp on the issues is the first step. :clap:

Next, follow your path. It will unfold for you as you listen to your heart and soul. Take the lead based on the most pressing concerns. It will all unfold as you find the confidence and strength to approach your past.

We are here for you! Good Luck! Welcome to the community!

Cindy

 

[midi]

Welcome! One thing I've learned is that it is never too late!

 

[Deleted member 1606]

Hi. In case it helps, I was abused as a child and my father beat my mother.

I think you'll find someone here you'll feel comfortable talking with.