Two Sleeve Tattoos Representing My Trauma - Healing Through Art And Expressing Myself

[vincent85]

I wrote up my ideas for my tattoos and I am trying to find a good artist that can draw what I am verbalizing in this synopsis of some of my trauma. I feel it will be therapeutic to have these tattoos to represent my journey.

Here are my ideas:

The first sleeve on my left arm will be a reaper symbolizing death and he is reaching out to a dark figured woman with blood on her hands presenting a baby wrapped in a torn American flag soaked in blood. This symbolizes my mothers abuse and abandonment, which at the age of 17 led me to suicide that almost killed me. It also symbolizes my sacrifice for my country when I was wounded in Afghanistan. Also the betrayal of it towards me and my fellow combat veterans when we came back for treatment, which made me realize it is not the infallible ideological beacon I once thought it to be.

The second sleeve on my right arm will be a quote "He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee". The quote will be in the middle of a dark abyss of some sort with on one corner a dark creature reaching over and pulling a lighter entity on the lower portion of my arm who is visibly struggling to get away but still gazing into the dark figure, but is being pulled in towards him. This symbolizes my struggle with my mental illness and my false ideological fight in the wars. I fought monsters only to see myself struggle not to become one myself. Also the more I looked into myself or the abyss, the more my mental illness and trauma reflected back inward becoming toxic and finding myself struggling to not be reminded of the past and let it consume me.

 

[falling_wave]

I think the deep meaning for this great and it may be very cathartic to get this done. Just make sure you are 100% sure that you will want to explain this difficult story everytime someone asks about the tattoo or how others who don't know might judge or be scared of something so deep in such a visible placement. If you feel comfortable with all of this I'd say great idea. I love really well thought out tatoos.

 

[darrenS]

My only point would be , as much as PTSD and our traumas are part of us, they are not us. What happens one day if you've done a ton of therapy and have reached a point where your stable and happy , everytime you look at your tattoos you have a major reminder, to be blunt and honest and meaning no offence - it sounds incredibly dark and doesn't seem to exude hope or change but rather a darkness in which you have chosen as an identity. If you need a visual reminder , take up art , at least at any point if you decide its no longer you , you can take it down , sell it or put it in the cupboard. Thats my two cents and if you do proceed , with such detailed work i would search for the best as any half measure would only make it look like a mess

 

[Deleted member 28812]

TI don't have PTSD but to be honest that does not sound like a good idea.
Whenever you will look at your tats you will be reminded of your traumas and aren't they something you would rather like to forget about?

 

[Deleted member 20280]

I myself am having a similar full left sude sleeve gelding into a full chest plate. Starting with a dying Dragon breathing fire that transforms into flowers and birds. This in turb will melt into the chest plate of an angek cradling six cherubs with the words ' Your Farher Lives You' in Latin.

Similar symbolism in that the dragon represents abuses and abusers from my upbringing, coupled with trauma suffered in military service. The demise of that darkness sees new life born in the flowers and Birds. The angel represents all things good and the cherubs my six children.

@vincent85 for me personally I truly understand the sentiment and thought behind your body art project.

Laurue

 

[Owl.]

@vincent85 - your thinking is absolutely correct, tattoos ARE therapeutic. What you've got under your skin, you don't have to have on your mind all the time anymore (at least that's how it works for me). I've got a number of them representing key steps of my journey and will be going in for the second sitting to finish the latest project on Wednesday. At the moment, the thought of that appointment and the result is about the only thing to keep me going most days, so I most certainly understand why you want to do this.

Couple quick thoughts, though:
a) As @falling_wave said - be prepared to get asked about your art - a LOT.
The questions will be coming, you don't have to explain the story (I never do), but on a bad day, just being asked about your ink might bring you down further, at least temporarily.

b) You say you want your sleeves to represent your journey - make sure you leave room for the better days! Chest, back, or both, doesn't matter, just try not to forget about the possibility for expansions when you're getting your design done. You've thought a lot about this, I can tell, but that's today's POV. There'll be other times coming your way and they'll deserve recognition, too. :)

And c) Something I'm sure you're doing already, but I'm gonna say it anyway: Shop around for an artist. Anyone you can possibly get to, go see them, check out their parlor and their portfolio, then (if you like what you see) pitch your idea and watch them closely as you do it. When someone gets really excited about your idea and basically starts sketching on the spot as they throw their own suggestions at you, you'll know you've found a good one. It's fairly easy to tell who would like to do it because they are passionate about the project and who'd only be in it for the boatload of cash that comes with doing two full sleeves. You deserve a prime example of the first specimen, and the hunt for the one guy or gal with the right mixture of talent, creativity and passion (plus the necessary instinct to "get" the story you want to tell) may be long, but so absolutely worth it.

Good luck, and forgive me if I'm being nosy, but I'd love to see a picture whenever they're done. :)

 

[vincent85]

I know what you are saying, but no matter how much therapy I get ( I have had allot ), I will never forgot those memories. You are right it is dark work, but I am a very dark person. It is who I am and I believe after what I went through between my childhood and combat, there is no making a "new and happy me" only a managed me who seeks out his quality of life day by day. I can get better in the sense that over time my physiological symptoms from my trauma will get less frequent, but my identity has been molded through my experiences. My personality is a direct reflection of my experiences and that is what I want to express. You can heal wounds, but you cannot unseen what has been seen and when you have seen certain things it changes you, forever. In a way I want people who do seem them to see a dark side, which is the true me. We walk around in a world of superficiality and perception. Perception is reality and people make judgments based upon their perception. I am tired of playing into social dynamics that I do not consent to, only to be falsely judged, because they do not understand who I am or having to put on a superficial front to please peoples insecurities about the world around them. This is why I am a lone wolf most of the time and I stick to my small core group of friends, that have similar combat experiences and trauma to my own. Most people I found are willfully ignorant to the pain around them or can't even being to conceptualize the journey me and some others close to me have ventured. So that leaves a huge gap of familiarity and the ability to feel close to others. I want people to see the dark side and perceive that to be me, because that is who I am. I would rather walk around being a wolf, than to walk around being a sheep in wolfs clothing.

 

[Owl.]

Totally get it. I didn't really mean you should leave room for a unicorn shooting rainbows out its rear, there are no rainbows (now or in the future) for most of us. However, the journey isn't over, so any ink representing it maybe shouldn't be, either. Whether it's continued "dark", "light", anything in between or not at all? Totally not the point. It's just frustrating to no end to reach a point where you feel you've come to another (ANY other) important point on your journey and then the ink has a definite and permanent, impossible-to-continue-from edge. 's all I was trying to say. ;)

 

[vincent85]

owl1985 sorry that comment was not meant for you, it was in response to this:

My only point would be , as much as PTSD and our traumas are part of us, they are not us. What happens one day if you've done a ton of therapy and have reached a point where your stable and happy , everytime you look at your tattoos you have a major reminder, to be blunt and honest and meaning no offence - it sounds incredibly dark and doesn't seem to exude hope or change but rather a darkness in which you have chosen as an identity. If you need a visual reminder , take up art , at least at any point if you decide its no longer you , you can take it down , sell it or put it in the cupboard. Thats my two cents and if you do proceed , with such detailed work i would search for the best as any half measure would only make it look like a mess

You had some good points I agree on the artist, which I am seeking now and leaving room for better memories!

 

[Owl.]

Aaah, okay.
But clarifying myself still doesn't hurt with the brain as scrambled as it is these days. :)

Good luck on your hunt!

 

[shandemonium]

I haven't had the chance to read everyone's response, but as someone with a full-sleeve myself, I say tattoos are purely personal and only for our own meaning, whether other people understand or not.

I have a tatt that I did when I was suicidal and literally thought the world was going to end. This was about 6 years ago. I have changed my views quite a bit and wish I could change the tatt a little, but
despite that, I don't regret it one bit! :)

I like having a full sleeve and I like being reminded of how far I have come, even though it is awkward to explain to people. I feel 'tough' and it really helped my confidence in the world

For explaining to others - I usually just joke it off until they leave me alone. OR, If it's someone I really like, I just say it's really personal or "too long to explain right now" and promise them a better explanation once we get to know each other better.

If we never get to know each other, problem solved lol. If we do and they turn out to be a friend, well then, no problem explaining.

For judgmental people, just point to intense parts and say "that right there is Donald Duck, I got Mickey Mouse over here (points to grim reaper)" etc. ;)

Your tatts are your decision. I do like the idea of people who say "put up the pic on your wall a while first", I think that's a good and mature approach.

Also, in this day and age we can laser it down and go over with a new tatt ! Yay 21st century :)