Two Weeks Gone

[fuzzypenguin]

I literally just came to earlier today... I honestly don't remember the last two weeks. I know what I did because of proof - notes, turned in assignments, texts - but nothing jogs my memory and makes me remember. I told my counselor today and we tried to pinpoint why, but could not come up with anything. Today was also my last appointment with her, for like ever. She said I could email her if need be, but to be a guest since it's archived since it's school email. Sigh. It's quite unsettling..not knowing much of the past two weeks.

 

[Justmehere]

Maybe the trigger was the pending end of the time with your therapist?

I have lost time like this before and I was able to get it back later on, once my stress levels were a lot lower and I got through a tough spot. It was still very scary to me to able to remember what I did.

:hug:s to you if you accept them.

 

[fuzzypenguin]

Maybe. I've gone through the 'end of the [school] year' counseling time before, so I can't say that's the reason, but I don't know the reason so it could be anything. Like I told her and what she already knew, I've very stressed and anxious, but I don't know what my brain is trying to protect my from? Graduation? Moving back with my parents until I can move out? New job? End of school [until grad school]? I really don't know. I was triggered last night by something that I haven't been triggered with in quite some time. I realized my sentences are run-ons. my bad!

 

[Well This Sucks :/]

I'm constantly losing memory. I have come to my own theory on this since no one can answer it and I can't find the reason to it. Please bear with me on my explanation. I am having a hard time fixing my communication skills but I'll do my best.

I figure my memory works a lot like muscle memory. I've stressed to the point of not retaining memory for so long that now my mind won't do it without my persistence.

Memory is retained in the feelings attached to them so since mine have been created from trauma for so long my brain doesn't care for the small things because it's stuck in survival. At the time of mine I didn't care what I had for breakfast or who I spoke to through the day. These all became trivial things. My main thought was the basis to survive. I cut out the extra memories and sensations as the stress progressed to put my energy on the important memories or sensations I needed to get through and ditched the rest. I was in what I call the robot zone at the other times. My body and mind was acting for me but I wasn't there. I have been save for quite a bit of time now but my brain won't catch on. It's still repeating the moment like an addiction.

To fix this I've been trying to attaché emotion to what I do. It's a lot harder than it sounds. I also replay my day at least a half an hour before I go to bed and when I wake up. It's working.

I do feel like I need to add a spoiler alert to this. It is a lot funer in the crazy world than the sain one. I'm not totally there yet but so far it's pretty lame.