Unable To Feel Love

[Forgetful]

I hope this makes sense because my thoughts are all jumbled. I'll try my best.

I am currently unable to feel love for anybody. It's been like this for years. Unsure when it started.

My last T told me to "fake it till you make it" so I tell my husband, children and parents "I love you" on a daily basis. I just can't attach any feelings to it.

I am afraid that if one of them leaves me by dying or divorce me that I still will be unable to feel anything and will react as I have in the past when someone ( like my granparents) dies. I forced myself to cry so I would seem to react normally. In the past within a couple of days my brain seems to write them off as if they never existed at all.

Whenever I have to do something such as a visit to the ER instead of feeling concerned I feel inconvenienced.

This reaction scares me. Does anyone know of a way to feel the love again? Is this common with PTSD or is it just me?

 

[franciemarnie]

You could be burned out and/or have unconsciously buried feeling so instantly for so long that you cannot feel anything anymore, but degrees of discomfort.

Do you remember feeling love once upon a time? Or sadness?

I have had brief periods where I felt nothing, but in those cases I was both burned out and had all feeling buried way deep.

 

[onesie]

Yes. Until I started challenging myself and facing my inner child, I felt nothing. I was so afraid of rejections. My medications, also seemed to numb my emotions. It's very common. You are not alone. ( hugs)

 

[franciemarnie]

Good point @onesie.

Meds for sure buried my feelings - both prescribed meds and illegal painkillers, which I once took daily in copious amounts.

 

[sarah_k_b]

I'm not a big hater of meds because they helped me when I was at my worst (non functioning) however I did have trouble with feeling love or being confused by it while I was on the meds. When I was able to function again, I decided to get off the meds. It wasn't easy or a simple fix for my sense of love. I started small. I tried finding time to relax, take walks listen to nature and ask myself what I love about this walk..etc. I had to start small. I was very afraid my husband would leave me cause he married me right after I was diagnosed.

 

[billie]

I feel this too. It's an indicator of a symptom that arose from cPTSD of an attachment disorder I gained. Not suggesting you have it (only a Dr can diagnose that) but it could explain a few things if it's always been that way. Good luck hun, it does get better.

 

[JarHed]

I know for vets with Combat PTSD it's a combination of that and the training we received prior to and during combat. You had to turn off your feelings or you just wouldn't be able to function in that environment. It's a protective reaction and it's probably so for other forms of PTSD as well. Not a doc here but there's a logic to it.

I'm a 'Nam vet and know other vets my age that never were able to turn the switch back on. For what ever the reason that you feel like you do, Snafu, I hope you're able to someday. Don't try to work at it too hard as it seems like sometimes the harder we want something the farther away it seems to get. Best of luck.

JarHed

 

[Forgetful]

Thank you all. At least I now know that I'm not alone and it can be reversed with a lot of work. Its on my list of topics to discuss with my T

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I don't know if I've ever felt love? Does that sound stupid? I have attachment issues as well. I know I confuse neediness with liking or loving someone. Really, I never feel it, and hearing "I love you" is like hearing nails on a blackboard. It's like I want to punch the other person for lying to me---but I don't.

 

[JarHed]

I know from my own experience that when you feel devoid of love for others it seems that when someone says 'they love you', it seems like it isn't true. For me it was my own inability to react to that which was the problem. It can change is probably the most positive thing that I can say. Time is always the factor.

 

[PureDogs]

@Snafu

It is common with PTSD because what you have went through and No, it is not your fault.

Sometimes I would feel helpless and being negative about what happened to me and I would go into scenario of thinking: Why is this happening to me, Why me? Why this and Why that. This drains my emotions and become angry about many things.

I do have challenges to feel the Love because of what happened to me, how PTSD trigger or stressor that are in the way. It is difficult because there are times I feel love and other times I feel numb then become thinking that I don't have love.

I do want my heart become red, able to feel excitement, love, and many to feel with love. Unfortunately, I have difficulty with that and there are times I feel helpless, not sure what to do.

I was faced with statement repetitively saying "I have shown you lot of love but you only show little bit" It got in my mind and thinking - Oh no, I may be showing a little bit, I need to gain more and push myself a little bit. Of course, it is not good thing to do that.

Do I get this recurring memory of that? Yes.

The person who said that statement didn't realize how much I went through and what my background was all about. The person went to therapist and discovered that what the person had done was not appropriate way. Of course, apologize received and wanting understand where I come from. Is it easy for me? Not always.

Am I making sense her and hope this helps.

 

[PureDogs]

@Snafu

In addition, I forgot to add - Saying I Love You is hard for me as well.

When I said it - Do I feel it? Not always and when I say this then I feel numb.

Is that bad or common for PTSD?