Unable to Talk about the Really Hard Stuff

[whiteraven]

Ok, so I think something happened that I probably need to process at some point - and maybe sooner than later since it is triggered by the masks we are wearing - but I can't even write it down so I'm not sure how I'm supposed to talk about it with my T, or anyone for that matter. Thinking back, I have trouble talking about anything that even remotely refers to what we might call abuse; even when I can, it's in a very detached sort of way. And I feel nothing.

How do I get past that and talk about it from a place that also holds all the feelings associated with it?

 

[osiris]

Hey @whiteraven this sounds really rough, sorry you’re going through this.

If you can’t write it down or speak about it from your own perspective, could you take a step back and talk about it happening in the third person? Like in a verbatim play or documentary, seeing how it happened to someone else and trying to explain it with some distance between you and it?

Then once you sit with it expressed in that way you might be able to start to consider as part of your own experience?

I don’t know if that would work but I have found in the past that theatre pieces and art about situations close to mine have helped me to reconcile some of what has happened, and then I could start to deal with them because I started to allow myself to feel the pain.

 

[Mach123]

Hi. I know about this. For me it was such an excruciating ordeal. Idk the answer and I reconcile in my mind that it’s like giving birth. At nine months or so the baby comes. I couldn’t stop it and I read about this phenomenon. It’s common with us.

So I torment my therapist a couple years to make her prove I could trust her then over another 2 years I told her. It has a life of its own it goes here and there. Really big stuff comes out here and other stuff there.

It’s like purging. Heaving it out, especially if it was all repressed. I think sometimes I’d mention a thing then skip it for a year or so lol. It’s really hard to find someone who wants to go through that with you. They have to do it I guess.

I go hope it goes ok.

 

[grit]

Detached is a feeling. Acknowledge that and see where it lands on your body.

 

[whiteraven]

could you take a step back and talk about it happening in the third person?

This is a really great idea. I am a writer, so I could write it like a story. I think it would still be hard, but I can see myself being able to move from the story to the reality. Thank you!

I know about this. For me it was such an excruciating ordeal.

Sorry you also have gone through this. Yes, it's awful. And I'm only at the very beginning.

Detached is a feeling. Acknowledge that and see where it lands on your body.

Yeah, it's numb or apathetic or something. Thank you. I need to think about the body connection.

 

[Eagle3]

I've just opened up about the depth of my trauma to my therapist, after 7 years of seeing him. It took me that long to get to the point I could articulate what I actually went through. I still don't feel much connected with the trauma, only that I need to deprogram my brain so I can move on. Emotions are hard in general, so we take them as they happen. If I can feel something, yay! If I can talk about it from a distance, that's ok too. If I have to send an email because I can't verbalize stuff, that's available too. It's a process. Start somewhere, and the rest will happen on its own time. Good luck!

 

[whiteraven]

Thank you, @Eagle3! It's been about that long for me, too. We talk about a lot of the "conceptual" stuff - not sure that is the right word, but what I mean is the emotional and psychological abuse - but not about the others. It's just so hard.

 

[pam4him]

How do I get past that and talk about it from a place that also holds all the feelings associated with it?

Sorry you are in this difficult place. I've found in my experience that talking about things, even if detached from the emotions, helps me tap into the emotions. The brain has a way of protecting us from the full impact of trauma (like detachment) until we are able to process it. Often this is done in bits and pieces, and takes time to reconnect the events with the effect on us. Consider journaling and/or starting the conversation with your T. They should be able to guide you through the process to connecting, processing, and moving forward. Prayers for strength and peace on your journey.

 

[The Albatross]

I had to push. "If not now then when?" Or what is my real purpose here/now? Or what am I wanting/needing (life change/improvement or a bond as I contemplate the idea of change)?

 

[Friday]

How do I get past that and talk about it from a place that also holds all the feelings associated with it?

Treat it as 2 seperate issues. Take both of those issues to your T.

1. I have trouble talking about anything that even remotely refers to what we might call abuse;

2. I have no idea talk about it from a place that ALSO holds all the feelings associated with it.

Learning to talk about abuse, and learning how to talk about being abused with all the feelings attached to it... are BOTH likely to have a process to them, that you’re going to have to learn/practice/master. Rather than it being a one shot deal, where you just do both things, at the same time, and do them well... and just sort of present to your therapist all neatly gift wrapped so you can go onto the next thing, where you work with the end result (of being able to talk about abuse whilst managing and monitoring your emotions). <<< Also, quite possibly? An expression of avoidance. Can’t we skip to the next part??? :woot: >>> Not necessarily an attempt to avoid thinking/feeling/talking about your trauma, but there’s a strong possibility of it... if the fear of “Okay. Let’s practice talking about abuse!” makes you at all :eek:Run for the hills! Or :cool:Nah, let’s just skip to the part where I’m fine thinking/feeling/talking about it.

This process? Of bringing the actual problem to the table, to get a working solution in play IS part of the “real” work, by the by. It’s not wasting time to learn how to swim before jumping in the pool. Nor, just because you’re fine in waist deep water, does it mean learning how to swim before going deeper is a waste of time. To the contrary... you could spend a year attempting to talk about being abused, and still be no further than you are today... or you could spend a month or three tackling the problem of talking itself, rather than a specific event, so you can not only have the skills & tools to talk about that event, but every other event, -as well as- have a solid game plan in place for the next time you hit a stumbling block.

 

[whiteraven]

Really helpful, @Friday. Need to take some time to process it before I respond.

 

[Pepper360]

I totally understand - I just go blank. No words. I dissociate completely. 2 years of therapy and never got the words out. Writing is way easier for me and I pushed through the dissociation after a couple attempts.