Uncomfortable making eye contact

[Warrior Chicken]

The only place I have recently become aware that this is a problem for me is in therapy. If I'm symptomatic out in the world, sure, I get away from humans as fast as possible, distract myself, or dissociate - so it wouldn't be as apparent.

When I'm working hard on trauma in therapy, it's extremely uncomfortable to make eye contact. I will stare at any other object in the room and entirely avoid any gaze that comes near to my T.

Just wondering if this happens to anyone else and if you've made any sense of it. If you've addressed it, did you find it helpful to discuss?

 

[Skywatcher]

This is common for me when I feel shame. (Which is in much of my trauma). The cool part, is when some of the targets clear up or we are talking in present day stuff, I have eye contact. I’ve had much more eye contact within the last year.

 

[Freida]

Totally normal. T said they are taught to look for that because it helps them understand how stressed out the client is about the topic. I still can't make eye contact when talking about some of my crap. And ya shame is a big part of it

So it's a big win when I finally get to a place I can look her in the eye and discuss whatever drama we are working on.

 

[Rumors]

I do it as well. Shame... thinking that someone's eyes are windows to their soul. That seems too revealing, vulnerable, and scary so I look down or away.
Sorry! I hope it gets better for you...

 

[somerandomguy]

This is a constant for me, but I think it predates my trauma and was a low self-esteem thing that just became ingrained.

 

[Vero]

When I share something painful with my T I automatically look down, it's impossible to control it even though I'm aware of it. I do it because of shame but also the fear of seeing my T smile or laugh at me, I couldn't handle that response. Of course, he never does.

 

[ladee]

I can usually make eye contact with people now. The only time I don't is when I am very angry. I do not want them to see that in my eyes and take advantage of how vulnerable I am in the moment. Could be a residual shame, but it feels more like my need to protect myself before it gets to the boiling point.

My anger was always used against me to further the 'scapegoat' role and it would get so distorted by others that I would act out, shut down, run away, ahh the list is long. Instead of just having healthy normal anger.

I tend to not look at people who bore me. I don't want them to see that in my eyes. Tho most of the time they could care less.

I would look away with T's, but it felt like I needed space to think things thru , and not shame. But I could be just fooling myself. It was a long time ago really and I don't remember.

 

[NIKI]

I have a very hard time keeping eye contact also. It feels mentally and emotionally painful for me. I just can not look directly into someones eyes for long. It feels to uncomfortable. Even with my dear husband who loves me so much and is so good to me when I am upset about something he has to keep asking me to please look at him.

 

[Ronin]

Similar issue, different reasons.

Not shame based, who Im engaging based. If I really don't want them in that topic but need their input/to breach it anyway, not looking at them.

Or if its personal in, just my shoes. If Im looking at you we're a team or same side, working together.

 

[Starfire]

For the longest time couldn't look my T in the eye. Heck couldn't talk about real stuff either! I didn't think I had done anything wrong, but was afraid he would be making all kinds of judgments about me. Partly a T's job anyway! Plus it was fear. Had been threatened with dire consequences if anyone found out. As an adult, knew not true but the child still believed.

 

[Redxo]

Wow I would have never noticed how much I do this, especially talking about my trauma. It's definitely a feeling of shame, vulnerability, and discomfort even just thinking about it.

 

[Karolina12]

Yes. In many cases eye contact makes my brain stop working and I can no longer think or talk.

I also get these moments when I am perfectly capable of eye contact, even holding it to others’ discomfort.

Not sure that I’ve noticed any pattern or difference as to why.