Uncovered Something About My Brother And Me And It Feels Aweful To Think About

[Jnean]

I am so tired and very much in a depressed state. In emdr today I was 7or 8, my brother was 14 or 15 and I was in bed for the night. He came in at some point and smelled of alcohol and showed me his genitals and got on top of my little body in the bed, the next thing that came up was my older sister holding me and telling me everything was going to be alright. I feel nearly nothing right now.

 

[Daisylove]

I'm sorry :cry: sending hugs your way.

 

[Jnean]

i don't feel ready for this one. Isn't enough that I've been having flashbacks of other sexual abuse and physical abuse by my father for a while, now I have to throw another family member in the mix. I don't want to do this anymore, this sexual abuse is taking over my life, I am very afraid of what else I may have to face that I will have memory or flashback or body sensation. I will need to find support in my community. I know I can never erase my history and I've been constantly working towards the goal of finding resolution but then it feels like there's always something that will come up. I know I'm not alone. I just want it all to stop so that I can just live in free thoughts with out feeling this burden. I want my energy to go somewhere else in my life. But how? I just have to keep on keeping on.

 

[Daisylove]

Yes, I completely understand that feeling... The mind does what it wants, and it can be exhausting... but... you are stronger than you think. There WILL come a point when it will stop, and I hope that is sooner rather than later for you. This might sound simple, but do you think exercise would help? It helps me when I want to shift the focus to something else and get rid of excess energy. Also, art and creativity. Just pour that energy into a painting or a drawing, even if you are not good at it, it doesn't matter.

 

[Jnean]

cool daisy thank you, your right I need to do my art stuff now or take my dogs for a walk.