Unfamiliar With This Feeling

[mytai]

@Born to Run no session :( T had to cancel 2 hours before I was supposed to see her because she was feeling sick and went home. That was hard, because I was having trouble even just making it to Monday, I only just spoke to T tonight a few hours ago on the phone because she had to ask some questions to complete some paperwork for me (to do with July assault), she booked another time for me then. It's not until Monday, that's two weeks. I feel like I don't have any right to be upset or complain because T is doing all this pro bono with me (hopefully will be paid for her time after this paperwork is submitted). After I got off the phone with her I just sat on the floor and sobbed. I feel stupid for being upset, but at the same time that is a LONG time when something new like this comes up. I'm just as upset as Little right now, it's really intense feeling upset to this extent with the both of us. Feeling Little's feelings on their own is hard enough, but feeling mine and hers especially when they are the same is overwhelming. I told T I wasn't doing well and wanted the first spot she had available even if it meant leaving work early. I didn't get into more because T sounded still pretty sick, and I also didn't want to come across as manipulative by saying that was way too long to wait, that it was hard enough waiting until when I was supposed to see her this week. :cry:

 

[Born to Run]

@mytai I feel so sorry for you. I understand you are upset, I would be too. It is not manipulative to say that you are barely holding on at the moment, and you need to see her earlier than in TWO!!! weeks. I know when I did this the first time with my therapist, I also felt like being manipulative, but it is not. You are in your right to ask for an earlier appointment. The pro bono part should not dismiss her from giving you support when you need it. I wrote my therapist an email saying, I can not handle the time until our next appointment on my own, because of feeling such and such, can you please find an extra session before then. It is a matter of believing that you have the right to ask for this, and I honestly believe you do. I hope you can find the courage to do this for yourself. :hug: