Unfamiliar With This Feeling

[mytai]

@HollyBeans27 never got it. PM me your BBM id and I will try re-adding you.

@Born to Run Thanks, you guys are amazing.

I'm still struggling. I'm currently applying for disability benefits so I can focus on my mental health while in school. Little has been making me cry all day because of stress with that. New psychiatrist won't fill it out unless she has been seeing me for minimum 6 months, even though she has ALL my mental health records for the last 2 years - suicide attempts/hospitalizations included. Old psychiatrist doesn't want to fill it out because he hasn't seen me in almost a year (his secretary sucked at responding to voicemail attempts to book appointments, so hence the new psych). And family doctor charges ridiculous amounts for paperwork but also has only known me since January.

So I'm trying to use my adult part to deal with this, but little is too busy crying. Doing my best I hope. I feel really worn out trying to fight little long enough to make it through my work day.

 

[WildMermaid]

@mytai Your little is your survivor if you keep pushing her away she'll probably keep pushing you. I'm sorry you're both struggling so much. :(

 

[mytai]

@WildMermaid I just wish that little would hide away when I need to be at work, or do adult things like Dr appointments unrelated to trauma, or have my taxes done. I'm afraid little will cost me my job if she doesn't let me work.

 

[Born to Run]

I just remembered a 'trick' my therapist told me. You can tell the little one that you will take good care of her, but that you need to do something else now first that is important too. Like she will be heard, she will not be forgotten, she will get her attention. Once she knows this it might get easier. Just try to ask her gently to wait just a little bit longer.
Is it an option to call in sick for work tomorrow? What about the weekend, will you be managing that?

 

[WildMermaid]

@mytai Those are understandable wishes! Can you take a few minutes to acknowledge her and how she helped you survive a few minutes of comfort or coloring or hugging a stuffed animal, and promise her that this is not over. Tell her she's welcome in your life, and you want her to feel happy, but right now you have to get something else taken care of. If you lie to her she will know, and none of that will work. If you give her room to "be" and hold her close you may get different results. :hug:

 

[WildMermaid]

hehe @Born to Run we were saying essentially the same thing at the same time! XD

 

[mytai]

@Born to Run I can't call in sick to work, I wasn't at work yesterday so I need to go tomorrow. I have the weekend off so I'm going to stay in my apartment, then I see T after work Monday.

@WildMermaid I will try, little is new to me as of Monday. Little doesn't seem to want to hear anything I have to say.

 

[WildMermaid]

@mytai that is because it is your time to listen. :hug:

 

[mytai]

@WildMermaid and @Born to Run are your littles mean to you too?

 

[WildMermaid]

@mytai no mine is not. She just did not trust adult me one little bit, and it took a loonnng time for both pieces to fit together. Now, well, there would no way to separate us. That little girl is the one that helped me keep at least some sanity ;) in an insane and frightening existence. She is me, and I am her, and while it makes life awkward sometimes I still grateful for my little side. I accidentally started a thread today ( before I saw yours :( i'm so sorry to say), about life as a little... it is here if you wish to see or join in conversation there as well https://www.myptsd.com/threads/childish.52574/#post-839481

 

[mytai]

@WildMermaid thanks, I just saw it a few minutes ago and read through it.

My little is mean to me, physically and she says mean things to me in my head. I feel like little is trying to punish me for locking her in a closet until Monday.

 

[WildMermaid]

@mytai You did or did not get to talk with you therapist? Also do you wish to be locked into a closet? I have been and it was quite damaging. What can you do to be kind to that angry little person?