But whats more triggering than the courses, is the layout of the school. Theres a lot of isolated areas both on campus and the path too campus.
Changing the
entire course of your life to avoid irritating architecture?
Well, that honestly sounds like something I would do. Nope. I don’t like this city, anymore, stand up and get on the next train anywhere... not even bothering to go home and grab the cash off the nightstand or tampons from the counter, much less pack my waffle maker or my clothes, or say goodbye to people. Just up and f*ck it, I’m done, walk away.
I can’t say that those spur of the moment choices have all been bad things. Expensive? Absolutely. You really don’t want to know how many fully furnished apartments -and a few homes- I’ve left in my wake. Nor how many photo albums, CD collections, etc I had to replace or could never replace.
But you can also see how that’s kind of an insane thing?
Nope. Don’t like it. Done.
As if it were a life or death decision, made in an instant, and followed through completely. We could
run the list of cognitive distortions surrounding that and take the Gold, at every Olympic track event. It’s flat out nuts. Regardless of the outcome. Emotional reasoning, black and white thinking, blah blah blah, waves hand around. Those runners, though, are really just the litter bearers for the stars of the show. Avoidance, Fight/Flight, Survival Mode, etc. All totally uncalled for. But what I used to do, was get a smidge symptomatic, and change everything. Because that will fix it. And it did. Until the next time. Rinse, lather, repeat. Until I got better at ignoring myself, and handling myself, and managing stress, and not acting on impulse, and separating out past/present, thinking in terms of grey... a whole helluva lot of stuff. Which took a long time. And a lot of abandoned Belgian waffle makers.
