Unofficially fired, discrimination

[lostforgottensoul]

at one point they did affect my job performance and their ability to do their jobs.

at one point, they were way too involved in my care and I became too dependent on that

This doesn't just go away. Like when anxiety was affecting my job. That's in my file and because of it, though it has stopped effecting my job completely, I got only a 12 cent raise as opposed to something like 75 cents or more due to it. If I show any hint of anxiety at all, it adds to whats in the file already. I don't get to start from zero. That's what I see here. Stuff adding together to end in getting fired.

 

[joeylittle]

It sounds like you are also a student at this university - is that right?

Have you registered your PTSD with the appropriate office? Some places it's called the accessibility office - others, the office of accommodations, or the disability office.

 

[LoveTea]

@lostforgottensoul I hear what you are saying. I think a lot of why it is very upsetting for me is because feel like at the very least I deserved a conversation. They said they were my friends and they promised to listen, but it feels like I was never given the opportunity to be heard.

@joeylittle I am at college, but our disabilities office is really bad at handling disabilities. Even my friends with minor anxiety/depression have trouble with them. I don’t trust them, especially since they aren’t obligated to keep my privacy, it is just their word.

 

[joeylittle]

our disabilities office is really bad at handling disabilities.

I understand. But sometimes, you need to be registered with them simply in order to proceed with any kind of request for accommodation formal or informal.

Are you familiar with your school's processes for filing a discrimination complaint? Generally, you'd need to figure out who is in charge of maintaining the Title IX statutes. Sometimes, you can just go directly to them, regardless of whether you have 'official' disability status with the university.

It's also probably relevant whether or not this job is part of your financial aid package. (I'm assuming you're in the US, but if you aren't, please do say so - I'm pretty familiar with how these issues work within US schools, not elsewhere).

 

[LoveTea]

@joeylittle yes I am in the US and working on campus is part of financial aid. However, it does not mean I am obligated to work there. At this point, I don’t plan on filing a complaint. My bosses went way above and beyond in trying to help me in the past. Back then, it would have made a lot more sense. I understand that was unhealthy, and I am trying to learn where their boundaries and I want to respect them.

What I am frustrated by is their boundaries constantly changing and the lack of communication and respect I have gotten. I have gone way above and beyond when it comes to how much work I take on and I love my job. But they don’t tell me what is going on and they give me really short notice when they do let me do anything. They said we were friends and they said I was good at my job. I was promised a lot of things that weren’t followed through on. I want to understand that they couldn’t move on as I am trying to do, but I am upset by the manner in which they dealt with it.

 

[EveHarrington]

Are your bosses other students?

 

[LoveTea]

@EveHarrington no my bosses are in their 40’s, but they are friends with many of the students. As far as boundaries, I was just trying to do what they told me to. One of them in particular kept getting involved in my grounding and asking what was wrong when I’d get upset (this was before I got into therapy or was officially diagnosed). Now they sometimes get involved and sometimes don’t, which puts me in hard position of having to tell them to go away. We already agreed in October that they were no longer supposed to be emotional support in my grounding. They can’t seem to trust that I can take care of it myself.

Litterally all of other students think I am fully capable of my job, some of them look up to me, and can’t understand why I keep getting excluded or why they don’t trust me. The few times that I have gotten to do something is when the other students tell them to. They trust my judgement about other people’s abilities, but not about my own abilities and limitations. I am very clear and very careful about what I can and can’t do. I have always risen to the occasion when something needs to get done.

Now my dean wants to know what my ideal outcomes would be if they agree to sit down for a mediation. I feel like they are the only ones that have power in saying what I do and don’t get again and that has never played to my favor. I feel like the only way I can control anything is by walking away immediately without giving them a chance to offically fire me. But I don’t want that, and it also means I don’t have a chance to go back. I love the work that I do and this time in college is really the last time I’m going to get to do it (it isn’t really feasable for me to do for a living for a long list of reasons). I don’t want to blame them for the situation because I know they had good intentions, but I just feel like if they had just followed their own rules and boundaries that it wouldn’tve happened. I don’t want to be penalized for that because I did my best to work around their comfort level, even when I disagreed with their decisions.

The work I do has been a big part of my life for the past 7 years and I was really counting on getting closure by walking away from it by choice when I graduate.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

So it’s probably less the straw that broke the camels back, and more the long history of your symptoms interfering with your work?

^^^ This.

I just feel like if they had just followed their own rules and boundaries that it wouldn’tve happened.

I don't quite get what "it" was. You are being a bit vaugh for me to understand fully.

You said:

my bosses reactions to my symptoms have varied wildly from day to day.

They havn’t been responsive when I’ve tried to make an action plan as to how to deal with me

Last week they SUPER overreacted to a minor symptom,

called campus safety.

You pretty much make it clear that symptoms were in your job, a lot. You said that it was worse previous to this (though campus security was called this time which seems to be pretty serious to me). I also see this (whatever happened as I don't see where you actually say what happened) looks like the last straw that broke the camel"s back.

Employers (even college ones) are not here to deal with our symptoms. They pay us (and in your case it seems that was in the form of finacial aid...which is also payment) to do a job unobstructive by symptoms. We can make accomedations (longer breaks, extra breaks, a quiter space, a different space, etc) to accomedate our disability but you must be able to do the job unobstructive with the accomedations. If your symptoms are getting in the way of the job (which is what accemdatoms are for. To stop symptoms from obstructing your job), even if it was more in the past and not as much today, that still counts. It's all in a file. Due to my anxiety, that I have now fixed completely, I got a very low end of year review. I am watched and listened to (calls...I work in a call center) closer because of my past anxiety issues that interfiered with my job. Even though it's been fixed and resolved. It stays in my file and everything adds on top of each other until BOOM! A straw (symptoms interfering with your job...even if it's a way less symptom then in the past). The straw that broke the camel's back.

They get full control over the situation that I never had a say about in the first place.

They will always have full control over the situtation. We are working for them. I understand college work is different but it is work you are being paid for nonetheless.

My whole life is my job. I don’t have any friends outside of my job, and the building is right next door to my dorm. I can see everything from my window.

You may want to branch out and start to meet others in places. I struggle with this as well. You can meet so many good people in so many places. It's not healthy (in my opinion) for a job (even a college job) to be your entire world because if that crashes (which obviously is totally possible) you are loosing yoir entire world. It is much healthier to meet people and have a life outside of your job. And I'm also speaking to myself here.

They were my friends. I trusted them.

Employers are not friends. They are employers. Employers can make friends wirh their employees I suppose. But in my opinion you need to get "friend" out of your head and start thnking "employer/emplyee" as that's what you were (or are). And there is a type of control an employer has, which is normal. There is a type of respect that an employee should give to am employer and the employer pretty much controls the entire show as they are the employer afterall.

Just my opinion. Take it for what it's worth. I get college jobs are different but in these ways they are are the same. From my view anyway.

 

[LoveTea]

@lostforgottensoul so I will try to address your concerns since I think they are valid, but I also think situationally this is a little different.

First of all: during this incident I was not on the clock. I was returning borrowed tools when I got upset and was breathing heavier. I was not in the way of them doing their jobs. One of my bosses saw me and said he would give me a minute, but when I dropped my backpack to get my meds he immediately said he was calling campus safety. To be fair—I overreacted to this. But I also thought I would be given a moment to get it together and was trying to do so and I wasn’t given warning that this action was going to be taken. A friend of mine was standing there and he too thought it was kind of extreme.

In the past, my symptoms were worse than this, and they were involved with helping me deal with them. At the time, I didn’t understand how detrimental this was to both of us and since been working to stop. For over 6 months now, my symptoms (dissociation for the most part) havn’t really lasted past 5 minutes (only 2 times it has gotten much longer and I offered to/left when this happened). Also, my symptoms primarily pop up when I am bored or feel ignored, which is before we are doing anything or during breaks already.

What I meant about a deal: they said they would back off from helping me ground and havn’t done that all the time and don’t seem to have faith that I can on my own (even when I have proven that I can). Also, they said I would been given 5 minutes to ground when I need to, at which point they could send me home if I wasn’t fit to work. At the very least, I think they should have asked me to leave and let me leave before camous safety was called because at the point they said they would call, I left and they still had campus safety follow me home.

What I mean about full control: they decided I was incapable even when I work harder, longer, and at many points better than my peers. They address this verbally saying I am very good at my job and seem recognize that. They say that what I want is important to them and when I brought up problems I was having with the way they did some things they said they would change that. Instead, they have been cutting me out (making me practically unable to make money) without even the courtesy of a conversation or an email.

I understand what you mean about branching out. Before I was working so much that this was hard to do because I didn’t really have time. Now, I have been so stressed and emotionally burnt out that I can’t really deal with people I am not comfortabel around.

I understand that they are my employers first. But this is also my first job and havn’t had experience with this kind of relationship before. They make friends with a lot of the employees because they have some boundary issues. It is the employees who are around a lot and they are friends with that get to do the extra things and interesting things. I guess what I am saying is that I feel very jerked around and that I got many mixed messages (about boundaries, responsibilities, reactions etc.). When I tried to address some issues though, I kept getting ignored. So I feel like I am navigating a lot of this blindly since I don’t,think they were clear with me/understood their own expectations.

I guess now that this has happened, I don’t know how to proceed from here. I know that is a decision I have to make for myself, but I am conflicted and very confused. I understand that the relationship we had was unhealthy, they were way too intertwined with my life. But, I feel like they more I tried to make it more employee/employer relationship the less they understood me, the more I was ignored, and the more I was cut out. I did my best to talk to them, and I basically got no response. I only have a semester and a half left and I don’t know if it possible/makes sense to make an effort to repair the relationship because above all, I love my job and I am not going to get the chance to do it in a setting outside of school. I am not saying they are entirely in the wrong, but they said/seemed ok with the degree to which my symptoms affected me. I am primarily upset by their lack of communication and the way they have been handling the situation as a whole. I wanted to be able to walk away (when I graduate) and get closure somewhat on my terms and that seems to have been taken away from me. Timing wise, I don’t really have time to find and establish new friends before I leave (I will need to change how I manage my personal life in the future but for now, this is the situation I am in).

 

[Neverthesame]

during this incident I was not on the clock. I was returning borrowed tools when I got upset and was breathing heavier. I was not in the way of them doing their jobs.

This is probably the issue. You were in a work area, handling equipment owned by the employer while not on a scheduled work shift. At which time you suffered a health issue.
They handled this exactly as they should have.

You should not have been there, you definitely should not have been in possession of equipment owned by the company for whatever work related purpose the tools are provided for.

No one should have allowed you to borrow them either.
When you are not on the clock, you are no longer just a worker. You are an insurance liability.
Let's say for example:
You are carrying a tool, becoming startled by something, begin hyperventilating, become dizzy and drop the tool on your foot, breaking a bone.
The fallout from such a scenario would look like this:

1. You would be denied any claim for work related injury or treatment. You would also be denied workman's compensation for wages lost due to injury.
2. You will almost certainly be fired and likely be ineligible to collect EI.
3. Whoever it was on shift that allowed you handle the equipment and provided you access to a work area while not on shift, will also most likely be fired, and rightly so.

Depending on the circumstances, the employer could also be open to a lawsuit.

Had it not been an anxiety attack you were experiencing, but a heart attack?
If they left you in a room alone and you suffered permanent injury or died? The management could be facing criminal charges for negligence, especially if you weren't even supposed to be there in the first place. I know I sure as hell wouldn't want to be the poor shmuck that let you borrow the tools.
"But, but, but... She said she was fine!" Is not an acceptable excuse for an employer ignoring a potential medical emergency on their premises.

I'd have called for campus security too. It wouldn't have been personal, I would feel like a complete jerk for doing it, but I need to put food on my table.

Not sure why they're being so vague about the reason. Probably covering their asses for letting you borrow the tools, would be my guess. They may also be kicking themselves for allowing this whole situation to carry on for as long as it has.

My advice to you. In the future, do not become friends with your employer while you are working for them, it's a really bad idea. A lot of businesses have policies against fraternisation for this very reason. When something happens to force them to start actually managing, it often ends really badly. Like your situation has now.

Chalk it up to a learning experience and be the wiser for it. That's probably the best thing to do here.

 

[LoveTea]

@Neverthesame I can assure you they weren’t thing about insurance or legal issues at all, they let us borrow things all the time and I wasn’t touching anything. They really don’t think about that stuff when it comes to me. Campus safety says had to makes sure I wasn’t a danger to myself, but I don’t know it what world being upset and dropping a bag constitutes danger. It also wasn’t an anxiety attack, I was just upset. The reason I’m confused is that they’ve seen me much worse and havn’t called campus safety, let me calm down and I was totally fine. Also, a number of other students have had full blown panic attacks and they have never called campus safety on them. To me, it felt much more like they can’t believe in me dealing with my problems myself, even though that’s what I’ve been doing. Beyond my opinions about how they handled it, they also handled the aftermath poorly. The whole situation has felt dehumanizing since they hardly interact with me anymore, and I was upset because once again they haddn’t acknowledged me walking into the room (which was happening a lot) and I was already on edge since I was coming back from therapy (which they knew).

Also, although this is a learning experience, now that this is where I am, I don’t know what to do about it. My dean wants to see if we can meet with them. Beyond campus safety, I don’t think I’ve been treated fairly as an employee or as a person, and all the of my peers that I’ve talked to agree (I asked their opinion of the situatio before giving my side, since I don’t want to turn my employers into the villans or anything). They lead me along and make me a lot if promises they don’t keep, they tell me I am good at what I do, say that they seem me getting better, and their actions don’t reflect what they say. But, I don’t want to be punished for that and have to give up what I love because of that.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

during this incident I was not on the clock.

This is a problem. Even if they let others do it. It's a problem.

I like to come in early. Sit at my desk. Start pulling up programs. I use about 14 different programs at the same time as well as 2 notepads (on the PC), 2 command prompts, outlook, and skype business (which takes forever to log into) and we have slip seating meaning we are at a different desk each day and so the PC has to load our profile which takes time and then all of these programs like outlook and skype business has to be signed into and setup. It takes a good bit. We are given 5 mins to bring everything up. It takes longer then 5 mins when at a new PC. I like to get a muffin, pull out my fidgit stuff, and munch on my muffin while I am pulling up programs and signing into skype business, outlook, and the 14 programs we use (which has to be individually signed into). I start work at 8:45 and come in at 8:20, find a desk (which lately can take a good bit), set my stuff down, go to the break room and get a soda and muffin, and sit down at 8:30. I was always advised by my last sup (the one I had the longest) that he liked that I was always early and he never had to worry about me being late. Traffic is insane either way you go to work so leaving for work at 8am (it's 5.5 miles away) always ensure that any heavier traffic issues wont make me late.

We were recently advised that we cannot be even around a desk until it's time to clock in. Now, you can do so on the phone without the PC pulled up but there is no way you can get it to load, get into the software phone and pull up all programs, sign into everything (which is required to take a call) in 5 mins. Especially at a new PC. But she said it was a huge liability plus if you are at your desk they are technically supposed to be paying you. One of my previous employers (can't say who but you'd know them) had a class action lawsuit against them and lost for that very thing. Allowing employees to come in early and not paying them. They lost and had to pay out all of that money. Which, when you look at everyone, it was millons. I worked there for 4 yrs, came in about 10 mins early everyday for 4 yrs which added up to almost $200. For one person. This lawsuit had hundreds and hundreds of people in it. That's a lot of money.

College job or not, if they are a business they cannot allow you to come in early. They are liable if you had a medical emergency. They are legally suppose to be paying you. It doesn't matter if they let others do it. And if you were upset enough for them to see it that's an issue all by itself.

I'm unsure of what decision you are struggling with. To come into mediation or not? You keep referencing leaving the job when you graduate. So, are you saying that you would want the job back? If so, go into mediation. If not then don't. If you were so upset that they saw that, that's also an issue. If I am even slightly negitive about, say our tools going down (which is frustrating), in our team chat I am spoken to. If I show a hint of frustration or being upset, i am spoken to. If you were that upset I would say that they acted in a correct mannor. But, I wasn't there so I can't judge that fully. I am just failing to see where they were in the wrong here. But maybe I am missing something?