Unofficially fired, discrimination

[lostforgottensoul]

yes I do have a therapist. She actually keeps wanting to fight it because she wants me to be heard, which I have no intention of doing.

Then why does she keep pushing you? When my therapist wants me to do something he will advise me, advise me why and explain every single little thing surrounding it, we will discuss it together and agree on things together. But he never pushes me to do anything. Advises me his take on it and it's just his take and opinion and he makes a point to tell me that he's not pushing me to do anything. We have a boundry in place where we agree on things. Such as my PTSD diagnosis. I faught it. So he took out the DSM and we went over the entire diagnosic criteria and we agreed together on what fit. And we did the same for the BPD diagnosis. But my point is, he doesn't push. Ever. We talk about it and he makes a point to hear me out about everything. And he respects my view points. I'm wondering why your therapist is so focused on fighting it when you have no intention on fighting it.

Have you told her that you have no intention on fighting it? If so, what was her response?

The part that has been hard for me is that the situation has been so stressful on me that I had to go on meds in order to stay healthy/safe. I never wanted really wanted to go on meds (although I kmow right now it is necessary so I agreed to it) but that hasn’t been going very well either since I am small and my body is very sensitive.

What meds and for what reason exactly? If you don't mind sharing. What's been the issue with it? Maybe we can suggest things there that will help. Maybe some non-med things that can help. Plenty of those. Depending on the reason for the meds of course. But you said the meds caused you to faint which caused the concussion. That isn't good. So, maybe wrong meds? Wrong dosing? Maybe non-med things can help just as well or better?

I don’t know what kind of help I can get from the school, the resources they are able to provide me are unclear.

Who can you call to clear that up?

Because of the concussion, I won’t be able to work, but I need money in order to stay safe and away from my family. I don’t know how to manage my family in this situation. They don’t know about my PTSD and it wouldn’t be safe to tell them. However, I still have a joint bank account, so at some point they will realize I havn’t made money since February. They know I absolutely love my job so they proabably wouldn’t believe I just quit and the longer I put off not telling them the worse it would be.

I know all about family issues. But why would it not be safe to tell them about the PTSD? Why do you have a joint banking account? Why would they be looking at your income like that? I get you're young and a college student but you're also an adult. Maybe some better boundries. Most especially if you feel it's not safe to be honest with them. Either be honest or lay down clear and strict boundries. Hard but very doable. I did it with my entire family. It took years but its done. Maybe it would help to share some of that. Maybe we can give you ideas of how to lay boundries. Just an idea.

don’t know how to balence taking care of my concussion (essentially laying in the dark doing nothing) versus moving on because I can’t move,on just laying in the dark rhuminating.

I agree that laying in the dark rhuminating is counter productive. Hobbies? Maybe learning about boundries and bouncing them around with people on here will help. Organizing your life if you will. And calling some folks like whoever at the school to make your resources more clear. Maybe some non-med things can take up some of that time too. Here's one right here: ACCEPTS. A lot of what I posted above can take up some time and then you will be doing less rhumminating. Them maybe grab a hobby or two. Again, just some ideas.

You can move on from this. You just need to figure out how.

 

[EveHarrington]

I’m kind of surprised that you weren’t on meds before the firing given how unstable things were for you. I urge you to stay on your meds as they really can provide a great amount of stability for you.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@LoveTea, sorry for all the questions but does you psychitrist/therapist/doctor (whomever prescribed the meds) know that they made you pass out? Psych meds (or any meds) at correct dosing should not do that. Even though you have a small body. Small body equals less dosing. I'm very concerned about that and wanted to clarify that I wasn't advising to stop the meds but rather add non-med things with the meds but I also wanted to add an urging to speak with the prescribing doctor about the passing out. That isn't normal for meds to do that to a person and you got a concussion from it. You could have hit your head harder or on something sharp and died. That's concerning to me. Please speak to your prescribing doctor about that. There are plenty of meds that do the exact same thing. Like for anxiety for example. There are a large array of meds that help anxiety from benzos to anti-psychotics and then a bunch of non-med things help like 2 count breathing, imagry, metophors, meditation, etc. And many can do the non-med things and help their anxiety and some (like myself) must take meds and add on the non-med things. But if I was passing out from either Xanax or Seriquel (the 2 psych meds I take), I would talk to my pshychitrist and she would no doubt drop the dosing or take me off completely and put me on something different. If you haven't advised your prescribing doctor of the passing out which caused a concussion, please do.

 

[LoveTea]

@lostforgottensoul she pushes me in the sense that she knows I have a history of just giving up and not fighting for or caring about anything. She knows I loved this job and that it was really important to me and she doesn’t think I got a fair opportunity to be heard. We havn’t discussed any actions moving forward yet, I has a session right after so she wanted me to have time to process it more. She offered to call my dean again, but she dropped it quickly when I didn’t show interest in that.

I’m on 1mg Prazosin (lowest dose) for nightmares (they get worse when I’m stressed). That’s the one that cause me to faint because it is intended as a blood pressure medication. Before perscribing it she did say tobe careful getting up, but I fainted on the first night because it was late and I forgot. Itoo her I fainted and she said it was my choice to stop or not, and I did for a night and it was awful so I went back on them. I was on 25mg Seroquel for one day but went off it cuz I felt weird (now I’m thinking that was the concussion not the medication since I wasn’t diagnosed yet). Now i have .25mg clonazapam so I can try and sleep through the night. My psychiatrist is starting to talk inpatient since I’m really not doing well and most other meds would take a while to kick in if they do work.

My therapist is trying to keep me working on grounding techniques to help me manage during the day. However, many of my grounding things are entwined with my boss (please don’t hound me on how this is problematic/unhealthy, I know it is but that is what happened and what I have to deal with now).

I have a joint account because my parents are divorced and are supposed to be splitting my monthly expenses and that is how they get me the money (their actual paying is spiratic). I’m honestly just terrified to tell them anything about my life. My mother got mad at me for having asthma. I’ve been having sleep problems for 8 years and she doesn’t want to hear about it. She would send me to school after pulling an all nighter and punish me when they called her after I fell asleep in class. I tried boundaries before with her, but she doesn’t take me seriously. The only way to get her to not treat me like crap is through my sister (yeah I know that’s unhealthy but that’s the only thing I know how to do). I’m just not strong enough to deal with my mother head on right now and my sister is having serious medical issues so she can’t really help me. The problem was mentally in a headspace to go close to no contact, but it isn’t financially doable, especially now. We barely talk on the phone at all, but she is still a major impact on my life. I havn’t spoken directly to my father since May and she uses my issues with him to manipulate me.

That being said, right now I can’t talk to her at all since I’m so caught up in the idea of my mom being here for me. All I want is my mom to comfort me and support me wnd tell me it’s going tobe ok, but she won’t do that, so I have to stay away so she doesn’t manipulate me further. But that can’t last forever, eventually I will need to talk to her. I have to go back in a month for a few days to deal with logistical things (at least a friend will be with me).

 

[lostforgottensoul]

My psychiatrist is starting to talk inpatient since I’m really not doing well and most other meds would take a while to kick in if they do work.

This sounds like an amazing idea. It would allow you to find the right meds at the right dosage and to learn some techniques that can really help manage the stress.

I have a lot more but will need to split the replies up as I'm getting ready to leave for work but I will say that there are a few BP meds that work. Clonidine is the most mentioned. But, those of us with already low BP may not be able to take them. I have low BP due to opioid pain meds and thought that Clonidine would make it lower so I got a BP machine when my pain dr put it in my pain pump. My BP stayed stable but it may not be a med your body can handle. There are others that help nightmares.

Also remember there a big difference in Seriquel (immediate release) and Seriquel XR (extended release). Immediate release is more for night time typical and XR more for the daytime typically. But it took me about 2 months ish to really get used to it and we titrated up to my current dose over about 6 months increasing at 50mg incriments every month (very slowly). It took a while for me to not feel funny on it. Today its a godsend.

 

[Neverthesame]

The first time I took prazosin I nearly fainted too. It took 10 minutes and 3 times stopping for a sit down, to go out to the backyard for a cigarette. Lol

It gets alot better after a few days. Still got a bit light headed, but I knew I wasn't going to go over backwards again.
They probably already told you this, but if you start feeling faint again, sit down with your head between your knees. It'll pass quicker that way (also less distance to the ground. Makes for a softer landing.)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

My mother got mad at me for having asthma

Well that's stupid of her. A stupid reason to be mad at someone. She sounds toxic. I'd start picking toxic people out of your life. Something I had to do with my family. Hard and sucks but I am so glad I did!

I tried boundaries before with her, but she doesn’t take me seriously.

That's the consequence part of boundries. You aren't telling her what to do but rather what you will and will not allow in your life. Example: If you yell at my I will walk away/leave/hang up. And you make sure to do that consequence or it won't be taken seriously.

Boundries are hard. It took me a real long time to learn how to make a lay boundries. But once I did man was it a game changer! But I had to create them in therapy and then bounce them around a bit with my therapist to really tweek them and then learned with my therapist how to lay them properly. It took a long time but with most especially toxic people in your life its so necessary.

 

[LoveTea]

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow, so I think we will discuss seriquel again. I just don’t know how to guage the concussion symptoms with new meds since the concussion is making me feel funny too. Inpatient would be tricky since I can’t use insurance without my mother finding out and the school may kick me out.

The thing is, if I piss off my mother she can completely screw me over. I don’t have a physical support network to handle that. She did kick out my oldest sister, but she was adopted and went back to her birth mother. That was 10 years ago and from what I’m told (my mother low-key stalks her) she is still barly scraping by. But I’d be homeless, broke, and I am in no position to get a job anytime soon.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Sounds like something to slowly get out from under of. Sounds like if you distrupt too much a ton of shit can roll down hill. I know the feeling. I grew up in a cult and stayed under their control for sometime after I became an adult. It took me a few yrs, a move half way across country, and a lot of learning how to live in this backwards world to finally get out from under their control and become independant. I guess what I always had going for me is a damn awesome work ethic. But it was doable.

It doesn't sound healthy or good in the least. And I understand the fear of disrupting that. But, what small things can be done to make small changes in the direction of away from your mother and more independant? Maybe a question for your therapist. But what are small things you can do that moves things in that direction?

What does your therapist say about the situation with your mom?

 

[LoveTea]

My therapist keeps hearing that I want my mom and she inquires as to weather I should call and tell her. But I don’t think there is anything my mother can do to make me feel better. She’s a mother she gave me a place to live and financially supported me (with strings attached) but she’s just not a mom. She has been reckless about my safety since before I was born.

Right now, we both kind of ignore eachother. We never talk for more than 15 min on the phone and she starts feeding my alcohol itpf I’m around for more than 3 days. But i dont drink anymore.

 

[joeylittle]

Small body equals less dosing.

Not for most psychiatric meds, just FYI (for you and OP). Body weight generally doesn’t come into play for blood/brain barrier meds. Age does (b/c of phases of neurological development and general brain size. But physical mass/weight/height is not related to how those drugs are metabolized. Drugs affecting other body systems are often affected by weight, generally a little, occasionally a lot.

I was on 25mg Seroquel for one day but went off it cuz I felt weird (

Any psych med will have start-up side effects. When beginning them, it’s best to anticipate that you will feel oddly for around 7 days. It’s sometimes helpful to think of it like coming down with a cold, or a flu - you’ll need to baby yourself a bit if you can, and maintaining your typical level of activity will seem harder.

Just seconding others that acclimating to Prazosin is pretty straightforward. Usually, one stand up too fast/fall down is enough to help anyone remember. Anecdata isn’t really data, but my BP is quite low, and I was still able to work with it. Helped a great deal, for nightmares, and was easy to come off of, too.

If you’d like to try psych meds to help with emotion/mood management, but aren’t able to go inpatient b/c of insurance, you can consider starting them while not in hospital. You would want to have a psychiatrist who was willing to provide fairly regular support for the start-up period.

It all will show on the insurance ultimately. I know this is easier said than done, but it would be truly best for your mental health management if you could work w/your therapist to lessen the fears you have around your parents finding out. Also, look into what your state does to enforce HIPPA laws for young adults who are still on parental insurance but legally able to obtain medical care w/o parental consent. Not all states say that your right to privacy is waived when you are on others’ insurance. I don’t personally know a lot about how it works, but do know it can.

 

[LoveTea]

Thanks @joeylittle I proabably felt weird because of the concussion rather than meds, but my psychiatrist wants to wait for that to get a bit better before starting something else, esp since I’m a little more stable on the clonazepam at night (though it does make me nervous because it is a benzo amd addictive, but I am being careful).

To me HIPPA laws aren’t very reassuring since my mother has gotten around them before. I’ve been paying basically everything for therapy out of pocket. I know I eventually have to confront that fear, but for now, too much of my life is already up in the air and I can’t do one more thing. I’m kimd of just hoping I can get a full time job soon after collge and get my own insuance next year before dealing with my mother, then there is less she can take from me. But, I can’t predict the future so,who knows.