Sorry your hubby doesn't want to tell you about his trauma, but I suppose that he probably thinks "what you don't know won't hurt you". It must be pretty hard to take at times. I got to admit it probably isn't such a bad thing. I only know about hubbys because I was the 2nd person he called after his accident occurred so I've been riding some of this with him.
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General Up and Down! Hubby Struggling With PTSD Course
- Post starter Jen
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anthony
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Let me just put this out there for spouses. Veterans often don't tell their partners of the trauma they have suffered for good reason... because the sheer nature of the violence is often not what you presume it too be as you see on TV, or civilian crimes. I have seen some partners accept the knowledge, I have seen some accept it, then bolt to get away from it and sorry they ever asked, I have seen some in more shock than the sufferer (hence PTSD), I have seen spouses go into nightmares from knowing, I have seen spouses who just say "sorry dear, but that was then, this is now" and move on with their partner to help them.
It is for these reasons that veterans often don't tell spouses. I have seen it with my own eyes, where a partner so badly wants to know, then when they do, they look at them completely differently and even leave the marriage because of what they have done, seen or know.
I guess what I am saying here, is spouses really have to go that extra mile in analysing, "do you really want to know because their your partner" or "do you really want to know out of curiosity" or "do you really want to know so you can tell others" are the issues. When you get the information, how are you going to handle it.
Let me just give you a snippet of information to help you make your decisions in these regards.
A soldier with a pistol to a childs head, under 6 years of age, the child on her knee's, stripped off clothing after just being raped and abused by militia / soldiers, then shot in the vagina, then tortured some more, raped some more. The blood runs from all over her little naked body, out in the open, exposed to the public in order to watch what will happen to their children if they don't do as they are told. Anal raped, spat on, split in two nearly... left to die.
This is a partial event of one incident, I could tell you much worse. Obviously some peoples trauma is not gruesome and explicit as such, but still trauma no less. Often the types of trauma some veterans will encounter is beyond what you really want to know, see or hear. Remember, once you know, transferrence is applicable to your reaction and the details given, which means you can then take on some of this events being so close to your partner, you could get symptoms of PTSD...
DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW IS THE QUESTION?
It is for these reasons that veterans often don't tell spouses. I have seen it with my own eyes, where a partner so badly wants to know, then when they do, they look at them completely differently and even leave the marriage because of what they have done, seen or know.
I guess what I am saying here, is spouses really have to go that extra mile in analysing, "do you really want to know because their your partner" or "do you really want to know out of curiosity" or "do you really want to know so you can tell others" are the issues. When you get the information, how are you going to handle it.
Let me just give you a snippet of information to help you make your decisions in these regards.
A soldier with a pistol to a childs head, under 6 years of age, the child on her knee's, stripped off clothing after just being raped and abused by militia / soldiers, then shot in the vagina, then tortured some more, raped some more. The blood runs from all over her little naked body, out in the open, exposed to the public in order to watch what will happen to their children if they don't do as they are told. Anal raped, spat on, split in two nearly... left to die.
This is a partial event of one incident, I could tell you much worse. Obviously some peoples trauma is not gruesome and explicit as such, but still trauma no less. Often the types of trauma some veterans will encounter is beyond what you really want to know, see or hear. Remember, once you know, transferrence is applicable to your reaction and the details given, which means you can then take on some of this events being so close to your partner, you could get symptoms of PTSD...
DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW IS THE QUESTION?
Thanks Anthony
Although hubby isn't a veteran I understand what you are saying. There are some things we just don't need to know.
There are things that he has told me & I things I was present for after the accident occurred at the hospital with hubby & believe me I wouldn't wish it apon my worst enemy.
To be honest I don't want to walk a mile in my hubby's shoes. I'd prefer to walk beside him to be a shoulder he can lean on or behind him to catch him when he falls.
Although hubby isn't a veteran I understand what you are saying. There are some things we just don't need to know.
There are things that he has told me & I things I was present for after the accident occurred at the hospital with hubby & believe me I wouldn't wish it apon my worst enemy.
To be honest I don't want to walk a mile in my hubby's shoes. I'd prefer to walk beside him to be a shoulder he can lean on or behind him to catch him when he falls.
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DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW IS THE QUESTION?
Not really Anthony! I have never given him the impression that I want to know what went on over there he usually pulls up short when he starts talking to much about Somalia so I think he knows that I dont need to know and dont want to know all the gory details. As you said it can hurt relationships I would be one that would be pretty unsettled if I heard to much and he knows that he has other contacts that he can talk to if he needs to get it off his chest.
We had a good weekend we went to Innisfail and got on ok over the weekend I am glad I talked him into it.
One downer for the weekend I got a $150.00 speeding fine oh well first speeding ticket in 31 years of driving I do have bit of a lead foot so it was bound to happen.
Jen
Not really Anthony! I have never given him the impression that I want to know what went on over there he usually pulls up short when he starts talking to much about Somalia so I think he knows that I dont need to know and dont want to know all the gory details. As you said it can hurt relationships I would be one that would be pretty unsettled if I heard to much and he knows that he has other contacts that he can talk to if he needs to get it off his chest.
We had a good weekend we went to Innisfail and got on ok over the weekend I am glad I talked him into it.
One downer for the weekend I got a $150.00 speeding fine oh well first speeding ticket in 31 years of driving I do have bit of a lead foot so it was bound to happen.
Jen
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anthony
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Congrats Jen... that is so nice to hear. Shame about the fine... but yer... I got one coming home from our honeymoon actually in Port Douglas. Damn speed trap... thought is was a 70 zone, so I was doing 80, only to find out I missed a sign somewhere, that said 60. Damn hidden signs...
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- #46
anthony
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Ummm...... sounds something like the reason why I needed to get out of Townsville... being the constant trigger of the military presence.
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- #47
Coming on to this forum I am learning about PTSD a fair bit and what you said Anthony is making me think and starting to notice things. As soon as he started to get crook I thought their is definitely a reason for that to have happened as he hasnt been away from home for ages?
Jen
Jen
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