Upcoming surgery and anxiety

[Upside Down Eagle]

Some of you may be aware that I´m going into surgery in two weeks.

I very much want the surgery and I´m not afraid of the surgery. But I am panicking anyway.

I don´t trust the hospital staff. A while ago, I told them I was worried about undergoing surgery due to my weight, and the way they responded was "so what, you were approved for surgery, weren´t you". I was approved, but that´s not the point. I was worried and I don´t want them to tell me that my worries don´t matter.

In the same week I suggested that we (the hospital staff and me) make an assessment of my physical and mental health one week pre-op so we could see whether or not it would be safe for me to go ahead with surgery, but they don´t want to do that. Their schedule is more important, they say. I get it, but I don´t want to force myself into surgery if I´m not okay mentally.

My aunt and uncle have told me not to go ahead with the surgery if it does not feel right. And I think this is good advice. The problem however is that 1. It could be months before I have a second chance, and 2. I would probably be having the exact same problem with the hospital staff then, not trusting them.

I really loathe the assistants I spoke to at this point and I don´t think I will have a chance to speak to the surgeon as she´s incredibly busy.

Any thoughts/input/support would help.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Th is surgery is very important for you, I realize, yet if I was in your position and did not have good feelings about getting it right now and with the lack of trust that you have I would put the whole thing on hold for the time being until the staff does address your concerns and needs.

Always trust your gut instincts, because they never lie to you.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Thank you Rain, your input really helps.

I mailed the hospital staff just now, to tell them I cannot go ahead if I don´t feel safe. I wrote that me feeling safe is a prerequisite for the surgery and that I would like for them to work with me to make me feel safe.

The thing is, I really want the surgery to go through, but because of this wish, I feel as though they have more power.
I don´t know if that makes any sense.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Yes it makes perfect sense. Good luck.

 

[Deleted member 44579]

Hi @Rad.... You do have a right to speak to the surgeon.... It may help for the next time...

I think they would put your mind at rest... Also if you are in alot of pain...?... Surely the operation needs to get done. Whether now or later... I totally understand you need to feel OK with it..
Can I ask what the surgery is for?... Its OK if it's too personal. Take care

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

It´s not life-or-death in the sense that the surgery is cosmetic, but it´s quite important for my mental wellbeing. Technically it can be postponed (I have been waiting for it for three years now). But if I postpone it, I need to have a guarantee that I can trust the staff, just like I need now. PTSD will always be a part of my life that I need to take seriously before considering this kind of procedure.

 

[Justmehere]

Is there a patient advocate at the hospital that could help?

 

[Friday]

But if I postpone it, I need to have a guarantee that I can trust the staff, just like I need now.

No self respecting medical professional will EVER give you that guarantee.

That’s like asking for a guarantee that flying is safe. It’s not safe. There are mechanical difficulties, weather, a whole host of potential problems. It doesn’t matter if your met report is completely clear, you have the best pilot in the world, and your factory new plane has been completely gone over by the best mechanic in the world, flight trialed by the best, and gone back over by the best ground crew.

Pilots/mechanics & doctors/nurses will both wave aside your worries very glibly on a sunny day with perfect conditions. (Nothing to worry about! It’s a great day for flying!) But neither is going to sit down and honestly tell you that nothing can or will go wrong... especially not the things out of their control, like other staff members or the weather. It’s just not going to happen.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I know Friday :D

In a perfect world where everyone is just lovely, I´d like that (guarantee) but I know I can´t have that.
Perhaps a better wording would be to say, I want to know that they are trustworthy, at least. You can be trustworthy, and still make mistakes - the mistakes don´t worry me so much (these surgeons are quite skilled, the chances of them messing me up are very, very slim).

I posted this on the other forum I´m on, and someone said that the staff on the telephone/answering mail is not trained to deal with situations like these, they are just trained to make things run smoothly. Which I get. The trouble is that "the team" that will be operating me is quite incognito (only met the first surgeon once, don´t know the other one, don´t know which anesthesiologist I´ll be getting).

So if one person says: your worries are irrelevant (which is kind of what it felt like), PTSD will step in and tell me "you can´t trust any of them". So when I say I´d like a guarantee, what I mean is for them to show me that they do care about my worries - even if my worries don´t worry them... I have mailed them about this so I hope I get some response.

 

[scout86]

I don´t trust the hospital staff.

I can totally relate to this, I pretty much won't see a medical professional unless death is the only other option. I've also had quite a bit of experience with medical people not getting the whole PTSD/trust thing.

What would it take for them to seem trustworthy? (Think as specifically as you can.) TELLING you that you can trust them won't do it, will it? (It wouldn't for me. EVERYONE says you can trust them, ESPECIALLY if you can't.) Do they know you have PTSD? Do you have anyone, a regular doctor or a T, who can talk to them for you? It seems like they listen to other people with degrees better than they listen to civilians.

In the end, you're probably right, if you can't get them to communicate and understand your concerns now, you probably won't be able to do it later either. You have every reason to believe they are competent, right? They just are lacking in people skills?

 

[Anarchy]

Hey Rad,
OK, you know my biases. I don't remember whether I told you that I used to date a specialist burns and plastic surgery nurse, for several years, lots of years ago, and when she was doing additional courses, I got roped in to help with literature searches and proof reading, as well as talking about how her days at work had gone. So I got a tiny bit of inside knowledge.

I'm going to say trust your feelings. If you are getting a bad feeling about this team, then they're probably not the people for you.

Iirc, the Dutch system is centrally funded, like the British one. The same institutional incentives, disincentives and non incentives apply.

Within that structural setting, you're going to be getting the usual distribution of abilities and comittedness from the staff that you'll see at every level every where else as well, eg
Around or approximately
10% excellent
20% very good
20% above average
20% below average
20% failing and demotivated
10% who really need to be fired already, but there's a shortage of qualified people to replace them... there's one used to be drunk and abusive at work! Another had a fictional 10 year waiting list for NHS work, but you could get in in 3 months privately. Only one would take tattoos off on the NHS, but refused to talk to the patients first, so sometimes cut the wrong tattoo off.

Central funding tends to remove incentives to address the customer's needs, but even so, good teams will still go out of their way to try to address your needs. I get a bad feeling that this is telling you something about the team.

I know that it is delay, and more time living with dysphoria, but if you are not being taken seriously by this crowd, it's probably worth rolling the dice again and seeing if a better option comes up.

Hope you find this helpful
@

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Do you have anyone, a regular doctor or a T, who can talk to them for you? It seems like they listen to other people with degrees better than they listen to civilians.

This is a great idea Scout! I mailed my therapist after you posted. Asking her if maybe she can explain to them why I am having difficulty trusting them. I also feel like they will listen to my therapist more readily than they will listen to me.

I kind of wish they had asked me what they can do to make it easier on me, after I informed them that I have PTSD (I mentioned this eight months ago, when I had an intake with the surgeon and anesthesiologist). But they simply wrote it down and didn´t bother to ask any questions about it after that. Personally I did not want to make a big deal out of it, because I figured everything would be just fine.

I don´t know if they still can make it right with me but I need them to walk me through the procedure verbally before anything happens.
By which I mean the whole day, from walking in, to waking up.