Used Grounding Technique

[Heather]

I've been in such a horrible place the past several days. I hate being in this amount of emotional pain, the world seems to stop, I stop. I saw my sexual assault counselor today and she taught me a grounding technique. When I got home I was wrapping christmas presents and running around like a maniac. I had a few minutes to relax before my daughter got home from school. I was watching t.v. and I could feel my body begin to shake as the tears streamed down my face. I realize the agony I feel is in part due to the terror that I had to endure back then. There was no one there to keep it from happening. I was all alone. Being brutalized. And now it is clear to me why I blocked it out. I remembered what my counselor had said about grabbing on to my blanket and feeling how soft it was and repeating that I was safe. It was difficult and several times I had to consciously pull myself back into the hear and now but I was able to do it. I still felt like shit afterwards but that's to be expected. What I hate the most is the shame that I still carry. I don't talk about what I'm going through with anyone aside from my therapist and my sex. assult counselor. None of my friends know. My mother has no clue that this crap has resurfaced and that I'm barely functioning. Although, my mother is a f&%king idiot most of the time who doesn't want to deal with anything that has to do with reality....so, I'm probably making the right choice there. I guess my point is: that this stuff breeds in secrecy and denial and I'm still playing my part.

 

[Brother14]

I noticed that you've had no replies, same here, don't worry about it. Keep posting, you're stronger than you realize and you are helping yourself. I don't know much about your situation, but it seems painful, I can only hope kind words will help.
When you go through awful stuff, it can make you stronger, that's a good goal to have. May you rise above the surface of it all, you deserve to feel contented and relaxed, bless you.
I hope this new year is bright and beautiful for you. Remember to breathe and know that you are in the right place, doing the right thing.

 

[lonetree]

I cant know what your feeling Heather but my wife has the same thing happen to her. I can only say to you what I try to instill in her. Your safe now. Trust those who are trying to help you and trust yourself. You are strong and being here shows it. Its a scary thing to have to be part of but you can do it and there are many here to help.

 

[Heather]

lonetree - your wife is so lucky to have you. I hope she knows that.
Thank you Brother14 for the kind words of encouragement and support. painful doesn't even come close to describe how it feels, I don't think any words in the english language can describe is accurately. Thanks again for responding. your words often more comfort than you'll ever know. Heather

 

[kers]

Heather, I really relate to the way you beat yourself up for being ashamed; I often do that, too. But it's not something we can simply decide to change, instantaneously. It will happen, but it will take time. Every therapy session you go to, every time you talk about the trauma, it's a big step in the right direction. Even taking the step of grounding yourself is a leap in the right direction. Take it easy on yourself.

Another grounding technique I like is naming what you sense: say out loud as many things as you can see, then what you hear, smell, feel, etc. Keep at it and it will be needed less and less often.

 

[snugglepuss]

I like the grounding technique kers refers to.
if I get lost though in remembering what the senses are, I go to a simple one. If I am sitting, I pay attention to where I can actually feel the chair against my body. The back of my legs are supported, my bum, my back, to just where my shoulder blades start.

If I am standing, I focus on what my body feels, such as I can feel the pressure in my feet, I can feel the wind and cool air on my face, I can feel the sun.

Another one I use is to consciously remind myself to breathe. If I am about to go for a walkabout and leave my body, my breathing is so shallow that I am surprised I don't end up unconscious. What happens then is that my muscles get tense because they are not getting the oxygen they need.....big cycle.

Good for you for being able to keep yourself here. It's not always easy to do. And I know that for me, feeling a shitty emotion is one of the last things I want to go through.