What grounding technique surprised you that it worked?

...forgive me if I've misunderstood the question.

For myself as of late I've imagined the best qualities of a potential life mate and have taken a pen and paper which I scribble atop the question 'What's wrong?'. In essence I'm setting up an emotional support blow up doll of a sort, not settling for the reality of having no one strictly around and threatening to go off for my pain and discomfort failing to be acknowledged by the world in the main. In particular, I think of individuals who struck me as being especially smart and socially skilled in a way and fashion too frequently I've failed to equal. Key is to believe they've hailed from some comparatively smooth upper middle class existence and perhaps less likely to have been seared by asymmetrical power dynamics, abuse, trauma however manifest even as they've leaned in so to speak to understand the best they may under the circumstances. Sadly I've discovered that a 'team' of two debilitated individuals cannot be reasonably expected to function as such, and hence security or solace otherwise sought for being with another so-impacted translates into something unachievable.

Some allied presence then is suggested then from what is gleaned above, certainly a person not so flooded with their own problems that some discreet reserve of empathy can't be tapped and deployed to afford help in the moment. This is not to deny the existence of issues some theoretical significant other would be called upon to process in turn, but rather someone willing take turns with regards to whom the attentive spotlight might shine upon. My life has witnessed me serve a great many without strictly having my needs acknowledged let alone met in turn, although this is not to suggest a well of self-pity which likewise prompts others to maintain distance or look away when need exists.

If something is seriously amiss, usually I'm flooded with insecurities and am at pains to function. When matters get especially bad, I know I'll have to pull out some paper and a pen as I've described above to catalog specifically why matters have built to a head on a particular afternoon or whatever, whereas after scribbling what may be eight or twelve entries and affording myself the sensation of 'being heard', what usually stares back at me at least equates to some record of why my condition of upset culminated in a necessary exercise of specifically taking stock. There - it's staring back at me; i.e. the legitimate outlines of a discreet succession of events most any outside observer capable of reasoned empathy could translate as upsetting. Such is about all I could expect, but then such is typically all I require to pick myself back up. Yes - humans have design limits as to what can be processed and contained.

As matters stand I'm quite isolated, although awareness of this reality doesn't preclude myself from imagining that even a mildly idealized significant other might be present on the scene providing a certain engaged audience consistent with helping me through the moment. Two or three hours typically constitutes the build up to some threshold that I ought to do something and take myself out of service for a bit, whereas maybe twenty to thirty minutes might be spent recording in a clipped bullet point form why matters are thought amiss, this practice followed by what might be forty five minutes to an hour of deliberate cool down simply based on imagining I had some populated home base to return to. Not everybody does then - although one might not strictly be crippled in relation to this reality.

R.
 
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Charbella

Learning
I’m so not into fluff stuff that is in every Ts toolbox. But when I was struggling with a major attack of body memories saying out loud “this isn’t happening now this happened in the past” actually made it go away. Not kidding I was shocked, and it’s fixed it more than once.

I can’t do any breathing exercises any effort to think about breathing results in a panic attack of not being able to breathe.
 
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