Vacation

[LilyRose]

I am on vacation now.
Before i left i was very symptomatic and exhausted. I got meds from the doc, oxazepam 10mg 3x a day and temazepam 20mg 1x a day. But the meds are only for a week probably. I feel like my gp thinks when i get back with a therapist i am ok.

I don't have many triggers here, but i am still hyper vigilant, i can't relax and i can't sleep, and i am irritable. Can't deal with people around me.

I had people say on vacation it will be different, you can relax and enjoy, it's a different energy bla bla bla. But i am not feeling it. I feel so exhausted and i can't relax. Why? Why am i not feeling it? Why can't i even enjoy a vacation?

I still feel like i wish i was dead. I don't feel good at all.
Is this normal? How do you deal with vacation?

 

[littleoc]

Sounds to me like you’re overwhelmed. A vacation wouldn’t help that, especially if you can’t get rest.

For me, vacations are actually very stressful. It’s normal for me, though I can’t speak for everyone. Just unfamiliar surroundings are enough to make me hypervigilant, though (personally). It is especially hard for me to sleep when on vacation, because I have so much trouble adjusting to new places.

What kinds of coping skills do you have? Do you have a safety plan at all?

I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time. You are heard :hug::hug:

 

[LilyRose]

I used to be ok on vacation before.
I don't have a safety plan..
My sister is here with me now.
But when i get back home... I don't know. I am just tired of it. Don't want anything anymore.

 

[Friday]

Are these just extras of meds you’re well used to & very familiar with how you’re affected by them at different doses... or have you done a giant medication change? Because if any of these meds or doses are new to you, that could be the explanation right there.

 

[LilyRose]

Never had meds before. Started on them days before the vacation. But i had these problems/feelings long before. That's why i started on them but the meds are just not helping.

 

[EveHarrington]

You're not feeling OK because you have PTSD and PTSD doesn't take a vacation.

PTSD isn't just about triggers and avoiding triggers.

 

[littleoc]

Do you know how to get in touch with your doctor, even after hours? I think this would be important to talk about during your vacation, rather than later.

 

[LilyRose]

My gp doesn't really know what's going on. I rarely see her. I didn't even see my own this time but that's ok. I told her i had ptsd, and had trouble with hypervigilance, not sleeping and anxiety. I have to call her when i get back home. She probably want to see me again. She saw i was not ok because i jumped because of a sound in there.
I have told ohters about si and stuff but they didn't seem in a hurry to help. My boss knows it's serious now because i got meds so she put some presure on and now i got an appointment with a new therapist the 25th to meet each other.
I just woke up after 3hrs of sleep... It's now a little over 2am here.... This will be a long night waiting again. I am so sick of this. I am afraid the doc will say next week no more meds because of the upcoming appiontment with the t.
If i was here on my own.... I might have jumped of a cliff or something. But i don't want to do that to my sister. I try to pretend for her so she has a nice time. But it's getting harder. I am getting snappier and more exhausted from everything on top of the sleepproblem.
My company doc knows a bit more because i see him every few weeks but he won't listen to me. I've mentioned si before but nobody seemed to really care. I don't know anymore. I guess i am overwhelmed and don't know what to do anymore. I don't see a future. At home they are putting in a new kitchen which doesn't seem to go as planned so i know my cats are stressed out all week and by them selves. Someone takes care of them but my house is a mess now because of the kitchen so that makes it hard.
Sorry if this post doesn't make much sense... I don't know anymore.

 

[littleoc]

Hearing that you aren’t letting people know and aren’t being heard elsewhere makes me glad you’re saying something here, at least.

If you can’t sleep, that’s okay for now. Try to close your eyes and rest. Letting your body rest when you can’t sleep can really help.

It sounds like even with therapy you will need medication, even if it’s just temporary. Please push for the help you need. Don’t give up.

Maybe it would help you to specifically ask a psychiatrist. They’re trained in this area

 

[LilyRose]

I've been barely sleeping for months at least now. I can't keep this up. I am stressed right now and anxiety is high.

 

[littleoc]

That sounds awful. What could you do right nor to relax?

Is there an after hours number at your doctor’s office for you to call?

 

[LilyRose]

I can't do much. My sis is asleep next to me. Shearing a room and a bed in the hotel.
Can't call the doc after hours. But if i could, i am in a different country. She can't help me now.