Venting: I Hate Everyone Today

[LisawithPTSD]

I feel like I'm always being used. Most people only come to me when they want something. Very few come to me for any other reason. Even my closest friends. Or at least they used to be close friends, but now they only call me when they want me to watch their dog.

I'm not a bitch to these people I don't know why they shut me out unless they want something. But this is just how I've always been treated. Seriously. If they want to spend time with me its almost always a drain. Like they're begging for someone to hang out with and I'm the only one that answered the phone. I'm there to be their escort.

For example, A "friend" called me to meet him for a drink. Turns out its his birthday and he's setting me up to pay for his drinks for the night. A "friend" calls me to write my will (he's a lawyer). Turns out he's just wanting $125 cash so he can go out of town for a few days. A "friend" want to stop by my office to say 'hi'. Turns out he wants me to design new labels for his salsa for an event next week. For free, of course. Well take that back, he'll give me a jar of salsa. My cousin called to tell me he's planning to stay at my house next week. Didn't ask, just said that's when he'd be in. Another friend called me to have sushi with, just so she could ask for pot from me--you know, just a 'little' (i.e. "I can't pay for it"). Then she goes for a walk with me and stops to buy ice cream--only she doesn't have any money. She knows this but, I guess just expect me to pay for it. It goes on and on. Day after day. This was just in the last week.

I also have had lots of abusive women in my life. I guess they think I'm strong and have everything but they are jealous and mean. They present themselves as friends and then humiliate me or ignore me when we're out with others. For example, I had posted that my dog was sick on Facebook. And a "Friend" posted, you should just stuff her and make a lamp out of her. When I adopted another dog, she said, "like you need another dog." Then she put everyone on the guest list but me to her son's wedding. Everyone asked if I was going. It was a huge wedding--something like 8 bridesmaids. And I'm considered one of her closest friends. I'm close to her kids. I did nothing to deserve this cold shoulder. She always gives me grief about not visiting her (which I have done) but she won't visit me.

Heck, this crap happens every day. Heck, one time my mom told me I had to cut her toenails. It was my duty as her daughter. What the hell? My brother said, how much money are you going to give me? (he was going thru a divorce and had lost his job).

I don't have a lot of money. I work for myself. Live frugally. For some reason people think I am unbreakable.

I hate people. I don't trust them.

I don't think this is paranoia. Is it? I just want to shut everyone out or run away.

 

[LisawithPTSD]

Did I say I hate people? Hate 'em.

 

[Barberian]

Friends don't behave in the manner you described. They are simply people you know, who know they can abuse you through the relationship (notice I did not say friendship).

Next time someone expects you to pay for their _____ . Pay for your own and just stand there and stare at them waiting for them to pay for their own. Odds are they have money, they just prefer using yours. Explain if you must - "I never said I would pay for that. It really is awkward that you just assumed without asking that I would pay for yours". OR, just stand there waiting for them to pay for yours as well and explain - " I've paid for the last ___ times we have been out, when are you going to pay"?

Drop ins - Arrange to be away for the evening. Claim to have plans (you don't need to explain when you made the plans) and simply not be at home when they arrive. Explain if you must - "I never said you could stay here. You just invited yourself expecting me to drop my plans. How rude".

Stand up for yourself, you are worth it.

 

[Flyaway]

My experiences have been very similar!!! It's like most people can sniff out how vulnerable I am and get so much enjoyment from seeing just how much they can manipulate and use me. It is really hard to find people who are genuinely considerate and have integrity when dealing with other people.

A few months ago, I was feeling like I just lost all hope in humanity... But I know who I am, I know what I have to offer, and I decided that if I am willing to be a certain kind of friend there MUST be other people out there who are the same.

Since then, I have found a new friend who is so much like me it's uncanny... And she really is a genuine, good person! She is everything I've hoped for and needed in a friend. I've started healing all the hurt that a whole string of selfish takers caused me. My whole life has changed knowing that there is someone as wonderful as her out there who is willing to be such a GREAT friend to me!!!

I guess the best advice I've got to offer is, don't be afraid to move of from people who aren't interested in an equal friendship.... and don't give up hoping that you will find the friends you deserve :happy:

 

[ashdawn8287]

Im with flyways on this!!!! Her and I are best friends now! Friends have used us both. They're are good people out there get rid of those horrible people and tell them NO!

 

[ashdawn8287]

Aw flyaway THAT WAS SO SWEET.

Don't give up you will find that special friend like I have too. It helps SO much in healing to have somebody there to just talk to you and be there for you and be equally supporting. YOU DESERVE to have good people and you are allowed to heal the hurt and hate from others.

Be patient life is mysterious and a friend will show up when you least expect it and change all your old views, I am living proof of that!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Ehhh eff them.

Don't take this the wrong way. I'm not blaming you. We tell people how to treat us by the behavior we accept. Stop paying, stop giving away free design services, stop running a hotel....and these people will disappear.

 

[PearBlossom]

I was totally you. I finally cut all of them off. Not all at once. And actually, it started with my relatives. Just yesterday I unfriended my last hope in having a family tie (my brother). It's insane that I was co-dependent on some of them and after years of cutting them out of my life--I totally don't miss them. People said that I would as my kids got older, but that has not been the case and I have pre-teens at this point.

The thing is: we have conditioned these people to believe that we will accept this behavior and so they continue doing it because they think we're okay with it. Even if we complain, it's not the same as drawing a line in the sand and issuing a consequence (by way of not paying, not hosting, not continuing friendship--whatever). When we change our actions, they will change their reactions. While I'm not a fan of Dr. Phil, he does put out a good workbook on working this theory called Relationship Rescue. I think it's written to deal with one specific relationship, but it's meant to help people who want to fix a relationship where the other side of the relationship isn't really willing to try. There's a book that the workbook was formulated from. I haven't read it but I did do the workbook to help me with my inlaws and it was hard--but do-able.

I have really very few people in my life now, but the ones I have are nothing like that. And the number is growing at least. There's hope.

 

[LisawithPTSD]

Thanks guys. I worry that my PTSD makes me antisocial but I'm starting to see these people are what make me antisocial.

 

[PearBlossom]

Thanks guys. I worry that my PTSD makes me antisocial but I'm starting to see these people are what make me antisocial.

And in my case, those people that made me antisocial--some of them were the cause of my diagnosis. And keep in mind that when it comes to family, I noticed that my ENTIRE family was this way--even the ones that married in (most of them). It occurred to me that people marry into what they know because it's familiar territory. So whatever the issue is, it ripples out into a "community" as people gravitate towards what they're familiar with. :/

It's not you. You need new peeps. Get involved in something that interests you and start making new friends that you meet in that environment. And go slow so that you can practice having boundaries in case you slip into the same scenarios by accident.

 

[Flyaway]

Really likening your new frame of mind :happy: that kind of resilience will help you find worthwhile friends!!! Change, as well as coming to a new understanding can be so painful!!! But now you're on the track to a better, more fulfilling life- I just know it!!!