Awesome thread.
My current vent....I have been dealing with PTSD since I was at least a teen from abuse as far back as my memory goes which is 4. It was sexual abuse by different perps, mental abuse by different perps, physical abuse by different perps and the list goes on. I have been in therapy since 88 when I was pregnant with my first child so I would not be like my parents. Off and on since then. Currently started back up last month after my symptoms came back full force due to a visit from the inlaws and something that happened triggered it.
My vent is that right now I feel so much anger and hatred towards my husband for being in denial about what happened that time and then when we went to visit his parents. We should have never gone to FL. to visit them but in a way I am glad we did because I would have NEVER have put the last and final piece together had we not gone and who knows how long the abuse would have continued to my daughter and how long I would have continued being blind to it...
I don't feel as much hatred towards mother in law who is the one who hurt my daughter and stepdaughter as I was able to write her a letter and vented completely with her. I also called child protective in her state and our state, to no avail...But that is another whole vent.
How on earth can my husband who was standing right there when his 3 year old daughter screamed at his own mother to not touch her pee pee and bum bum twice in a minutes time frame say he didn't hear it. He was 2 feet from her and he screamed at the top of her lungs when MIL got near her. How could he not notice for the 4 days after the *incident of abuse* that my daughter would yell at MIL to get away from her and come running to me and cling to me. My daughter use to love to go to her and interact well with her.
When I confronted my husband on this he went balistic and said I was ****ing crazy for accusing his mother of raping my daughter. I said I didn't accuse her of raping her, just scrubbing her to hard in the shower and causing trauma to her. His mother has major OCD with showers and has to shower herself 3-4 times a day and does that to the girls also and uses hot water and scrubs real hard to the point of causing crying pain (I just found this out last month at the visit here, hence all my ptsd/flashbacks returning). She is always yelling at her husband and my husband and even tried with me when we lived there to shower more often that we were dirty and filthy..
When I met my husband in 2005, the first time I met his daughter she was then 4, I knew after a few hours that something had happened to her. I mentioned to him that I suspected some form of abuse and asked if anyone had talked to her yet about good/bad touches and all that. He said no and nobody would cause they didn't talk about sex. We had her every other weekend and over the years her open masterbation got worse. He would always smack and scream at her for doing that and saying how nasty/gross/discusting that was. I use to talk to him about that and how I thought he should handle it different and maybe he and her mom should have her checked out.
She had constant uti's. Once she hit kindergarten she got suspended from school twice and is now in third grade and gets suspended at least twice a year. Shows most symptoms on the check list for sexual abuse. I have talked to her about the good/bad touches beginning of 08 and things got worse for her. I think I triggered her adn I feel so bad about that. She started telling me things and I called the state. She told her dad what she told me and he did NOTHING. No hug, no omg, nothing. He accused her of lying and making up stories and the whole nine yards.
She did say it was monsters, but come on. I have seen this lady in action and she has raised this girl to lie and threaten her. She raised her until she started school.
My husband and I are barly speaking, living in seperate rooms now. He did start seeing a therapist and we start seeing a couples therapist next month. He lost his temper for the first time with me the other night and crossed some major lines. He has no boundries and looking back and just looking at him and what I know of him and how he is and how he has reacted to all this abuse of his daughters and lack of reacting has given me great cause of concern for him.
He has told me he fears his mother and has great anger/rage towards her. I can';t help but wonder now after knowing what I now know, how long did she wash his pee pee growing up and his bum? What else happened. He is a very angry person and with the lack of boundries and unable to keep relationships/jobs/friends...I wonder if all of this over the last few years with his daughter has triggered something in him or am I just way over reacting as he claims. He says I think everyone is a monster, which i really don't.
Damn it, why can't he just admit that what his mother is doing to his daugher (the 3 year old is safe and will never be around her again) is wrong. She is almost nine and does not need anyone using hot water and scrubber her vagina and anus to the point of her crying and causing her pain...
**** this shit right now...How can I work and fix me and my problems that I have to work on to be there for my daughter when I am stressing about this??
Vent over..Thanks
