Very depressed

[whiteraven]

I don't know where else to talk about this. I'm pretty much always depressed. But I am really struggling right now with the forced isolation. At first, I did fine and was able to get a lot of little things done. But then, my therapist moved to online sessions (before everyone else and before an order went into place to stay-at-home - and he claimed he wasn't allowed to go to his office, which sounded like a lie to me), the steps taken to contain the virus escalated, the job I had lined up after quitting (before this whole mess) had been delayed (and will likely not take place now), and I had to spend my birthday alone.

It's been a long while since the depression made my body feel...heavy. It's physically difficult to walk, to move, to think.

I'm tired of people telling me to "just" exercise or get out or force myself to do something I enjoy. I do all of that. I force myself to do everything I end up doing. I take breaks so that I'm not so hard on myself. But it does not help.

It does NOT help.

 

[Survivor3]

Hi @whiteraven , sorry your feeling so depressed. I can relate to alot of what your describing. Sometimes no matter what you do can not help. This isolation is difficult for everybody but even harder for people who have other issues like us. I don't really have any advice but just wanted to convey that your not alone. If you have the energy then try to do something, if not then just try to relax and distract yourself. Sorry to hear about your job aswell, that's really bad luck. all the best to you. S3.

 

[whiteraven]

Thanks, @Survivor3. Sorry you understand, but appreciate the kind words.

 

[Ronin]

Hi Whiteraven,

Sorry that the situation is worsening for you and getting heavier.

I've been wondering, do you have an idea what the depression stems from?

And related one, could it be DID linked?

Some times, when we don't have enough time / space to pursue our individual passions & interests and cope in a way that works best for whoever needs care the most at the moment, we whole get terribly squashed in, depressed, blank, numb, behind a curtain that just doesn't lift off...

Until it becomes an a-ha moment. That's just manifesting as depression, but the issue is parts people couldn't be their individual shining self, instead went for body needs monotones they don't feel as strong at.

So wondering if maybe your depression may be affected by a different condition no one is acknowledging *also* manifests as mood & energy & focus & awareness / lucidity issues...?

 

[whiteraven]

do you have an idea what the depression stems from?

Certainly there are emotional/psychological/lifestyle things that contribute. But I honestly think there is a strong physical component. I don't know. I've tried so many things, I'm ready to give up completely.

So wondering if maybe your depression may be affected by a different condition no one is acknowledging *also* manifests as mood & energy & focus & awareness / lucidity issues...?

Definitely a possibility.

 

[Mach123]

All I can say is I don’t feel this now. So there is hope. I spent most of my life like this and I know exactly how hard it is to have that heavy feeling.

I wouldn’t say I’ve totally defeated it or anything I’m afraid of it still. But even though I remember it I don’t feel it. So I wanted to say something even though I recall distinctly that “nothing works” feeling. Nothing worked at that time.

Though I did come close to suicide not actively but through my behavior (drugs) I lived. I think that means there is always hope. There was hope for me. There is hope for you. You can feel better.

I don’t know how. I think it’s different for everyone. I didn’t know why I was depressed. I guess I kept asking for help like you did, and it’s the best thing you can do.

Depression is very hard. It’s very brave I think if you manage to talk about it when you are really depressed.

 

[Wonder Woman]

Hi, whiteraven. I'm sorry you are depressed and forced to self-isolate.

Isolation, whether self-imposed or mandated by the government, just makes depression worse.

Try to remeber:
Depression is very difficult on its own. This social isolation stuff is just contributing to your depression and making it worse.

Try to be gentle with yourself. Maybe thinking of the smallest/easiest thing you can do for yourself might help. Even if it's as simple as turning on some music and soaking in the tub. Or what ever little thing you think might be helpful. Sometimes just doing one small thing can lead to doing other small things. Then before you know it, you feel just a tinge better.

Just knowing that you've gotten through this before, means you have the ability to get through it again. Even though it sucks now, it won't always be this way.

By the way, happy belated birthday! ?

 

[whiteraven]

Thank you, @Wonder Woman.

 

[Wonder Woman]

Thank you, @Wonder Woman.

You're welcome, whiteraven. ?

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

Everything works opposite for me. I isolate by nature, so I am usually comfortable with it. It's out in the world that causes me anxiety..

 

[whiteraven]

Everything works opposite for me. I isolate by nature, so I am usually comfortable with it. It's out in the world that causes me anxiety..

Well, actually, that is the case for me, too. And I did pretty well for the first week. I think it's the *forced* isolation that is creating issues for me. And it's starting to dawn on me that I don't really have anyone to touch base with if I need/want to. I usually talk to my mom, who is 85, but she doesn't really know anything about what's going on with me.

But I really think the isolation and not having anyone just adds to a depression that's been there for a long time.

 

[Wonder Woman]

Everything works opposite for me. I isolate by nature, so I am usually comfortable with it. It's out in the world that causes me anxiety..

Yes, being around others can feel overwhelmingly unsafe, when you have PTSD related anxiety.

PTSD is a pain. Dealing with debilitating depression and/ or anxiety is a pain.

I wish you peace and calm, truthful_whispers. ?