Vigilance Is A Guard On The Wall Of Traumatic Memory

[The Albatross]

I like Bloom, that though struggling, you are less reactive and more acknowledging of the feelings, even the awareness that you may be self protecting from a new memory. :tup:

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((Alba))))

Thanks! :)

The Cognitive-Behavioral restructured thinking helps me no longer add to the distress with hating on myself. It does decrease the suffering though it doesn't take the symptoms away.

At least now I don't wear the vigilance armor without knowing it, which used to cause me to snap at others and stress my family out. They're ok with me being exhausted and sad, instead of irritable and hyper-reactive.

 

[CraftyCath]

Hi Bloom,

All my guards are up at the moment due to stupid in-laws being a pain. I gave them a chance but they just don't change so I have placed great distance between them and my family. I just don't need the crap, my healing is more important right now. They want a people pleaser and that just isn't me. There was lots of advice given on the Forum for which I am grateful.

As for the dentist...:eek: :eek: :eek:

Haven't been for years! I was abused (physically and emotionally) by a dentist as a child and now I just cry when I go. I have a sore tooth that I can't bite on so I know I need to go. My H says his dentist is understanding so I will have to try to register with him and make sure he understands and that my H comes with me.

At the moment I am more likely to hit him than cry!:D

I, too, would like to be better yesterday, but, like you said, at least we recognise when the armour is on.

Much love and hugs to you. x

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((((CraftyCath))))))

I'm so sorry you went through that! I can't seem to expose that trauma out, dang it. I need a lot of appointments now that I'm cracking my teeth after years of grinding.

I hope your appointment isn't too triggering for you.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I have been reading through this and I am relieved and amazed.

I still have moments to hours of vigilance, but those aren't often and I can do self-care and grounding to get my overall activation level down.

I know the Trazodone I take a night had a wonderful dampening effect on the vigilance the following day from the first time I took it. I hope to wean off of it some day but not right now.

 

[LhasaLover]

Wow, this is a great thread and I just love seeing the anatomy of symptoms written down.

One thing that has really helped me was coming to the realization that my hyper vigilance, that once helped me, is now working against me.

I have not made the connection with hyper vigilance being a gate keeper for traumatic memories, but it is very interesting.

Hyper vigilance is something I am learning to catch and put aside when I recognize it. I tell myself that I am actually making things more complicated. It's definitely challenging as I have do have nights where I am as rigid as a board and cannot sleep.

Don't know what I would do without my meds, they allow me to have a semblance of a normal life without indulging in any self-medication.

Progress, not perfection is my slogan this week!:angelic:

 

[CraftyCath]

Well done Bloom!:tup:

I, too, am not as hyper vigilant as I used to be. I do, however, fall back into my old ways at times and then I check myself and get myself out of it.

It is a complete retraining of my mind; telling myself I do not have to feel this way it is just habit. I can drop my guard so much quicker and I no longer beat myself up if I fall back into the hyper vigilance. I just 'tut' :rolleyes:at myself and move forward. Slip ups happen, no self recrimination.

 

[LhasaLover]

Such a coincidence CraftyCath, that you updated this thread just as I caught myself being over vigilant.

This knack I had for checking for disasters and taking care of them is hard to break but it has gotten off center stage in my life.

 

[MileOneal]

The littlest things seem to set me off since I got back from downrange. Whenever I ride passenger in a car or truck my senses go into overdrive. Last week I made my friend Rose mad because I yelled when a car pulled out in front of us and she had to hit the brakes hard.

The she got mad at me for yelling and I got even more upset because of that and it ended up with me bawling my eyes out shouting at her about driving then feeling really guilty over the whole thing. She's still mad at me for it. It's so hard to explain to people what it feels like to always be on edge.

 

[CraftyCath]

I have realised that my hypervigilance is worse when I am in my home town. If I am away I tend to be more relaxed because there is less chance of me meeting people from my past.

Travel makes me stressed at the best of times but once I am at my destination I am more relaxed. Being at home it is harder to stop the vigilance but I am getting there and so will you MileOneal.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Here it is, back again. I'm pretty sure this time that it went on full alert status after a rough therapy session where I accidentally began talking about a period of my life I have been in deep avoidance of. I dissociated badly and my therapist tried to bring me out of it, but the letdown response didn't happen for several hours.

 

[CraftyCath]

Oh Bloom, so sorry to hear that sweetie. :hug:

It is so much worse when it takes hours (days, weeks) to come back down.

I truly know how this feels and I hate it so much.

Huge hugs and love to you Bloom.