Vulnerability

[Survivor2Thriver]

To quote Brene Brown..

~Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy. ~The experiences that make us most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.

~In order to be vulnerable you have to be ok with you.

My T is a fan of Brene Brown. I can't say that I am.

I find the above quotes to be shallow and narrow minded. Anyone else feel the same way?

I find PTS is not running from a damn thing. LOL It is pure reality in your face. I am perfectly happy with who I am. Trusting other people is what is difficult for me. That doesn't mean I have given up on love and belonging and joy. I am keenly aware of the many dynamics of dysfunction and human nature. I have explored/lived a childhood surrounded in darkness that is precisely why I don't trust others.

Anyone else feel this way?

 

[Pencil]

I do. I find Brene Brown tepid at best. She reminds me of little talks about metro men getting in touch with their feminine sides. I don't argue with what she says - I'm not saying she is wrong - I ask myself what the hell she actually means. How does one go about it? Okay, Brene, what is the next step? What do I actually DO? And what is 'vulnerability'? What is the 'infinite power of my light?' What is 'infinite power'? Where is my 'light'?

Naaah.

 

[Hashi]

I'm also a Brene Brown non-fan. For me the issue is that I think she's talking about quite minor, everyday concerns, but they get taken and applied to a PTSD context. Maybe she would apply them to a PTSD context herself, I'm not sure about that.

Anyway that's why they feel shallow to me - I think they actually are. They don't go anything like deep enough for trauma/PTSD.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

Where is my 'light'?

Your light is all over this forum!!! And everyone else on this forum who has survived "Hotel Hell!" LOL

 

[Hashi]

Where is my 'light'?

Did you leave it on the bus again? ;)

 

[Pencil]

It just goes to show, I think a sense of humor did more to help us than being 'vulnerable'. (What the hell does she mean, anyway?)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Too shallow for me and too simplistic. Sounds like she is one who is unfamiliar with PTSD.

One has to go through it to be able to understand it.

We have always been wasting out lives on being hard on ourselves. I no longer do that.

I am feeling a lot better focusing on the positive. Easy to say and so impossible to do on the bad days.

Good thread.

 

[Hashi]

Having listened to a TED talk, she seemed to mean accepting that we might not do things perfectly and accepting that things might not go the way we hoped. "Ask the girl out even if she might say no" or "Go for a promotion at work" sort of stuff.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

Another thread prompted me to google vulnerability quotes. Most of them sounded like clichés. Brene Brown is in the self help biz. What a shame shame shame. LOL...LOL...~Sigh Just what every PTS individual needs is more useless clichés!!

 

[Firefly44]

To give Brene Brown credit, she is trying to explain these things to the general population-- not to trauma victims. The things we experience are deeper, darker versions of what she is talking about. When I listened to her TED talk a few weeks before my major melt down it set off a small light in my mind. Not enough for me to seek help or to fully realize the importance and enormity of the challenges I faced.

Personally, I find Tara Brach's dharma talks to be the most helpful. See her March 2011 talk on Self Compassion. Her Buddhism teachings appeal to wide audience and she is a psychotherapist so she has insight into working with trauma survivors as well.[DOUBLEPOST=1398636874,1398636690][/DOUBLEPOST]On the larger topic of vulnerability, I would offer this quote that greatly impacted me:

To be a good human being is to have a kind of openness to the world, an ability to trust uncertain things beyond your own control, that can lead you to be shattered in very extreme circumstances for which you were not to blame. That says something very important about the human condition of the ethical life: that it is based on a trust in the uncertain and on a willingness to be exposed; it’s based on being more like a plant than like a jewel, something rather fragile, but whose very particular beauty is inseparable from its fragility.
~ Martha Nussbaum

Even with my PTSD, I still believe that the most beautiful, fulfilling experiences in life happen when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. I think its only through those relationships (friendships and romances) that we can truly be ourselves and claim back life trauma threatens to steal away from us.

 

[Pencil]

through those relationships (friendships and romances) that we can truly be ourselves and claim back life trauma threatens to steal away from us.

Which is a wee bit complicated with an attachment disorder.

I'm not arguing with Brene Brown, but I think @gizmo nailed it when she said it is simplistic. I also don't argue with Martha Nussbaum. For some reason I'm now thinking of a video clip of Nelson Mandela where he sang Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star with pre-school kids, and sang so off key that the kids were stunned, and that was the beauty of it - he did it anyway, joyfully. But what concerns me about this type of ... thing, is that it seems to me that one is supposed to 'be there'. My question is: How do I get from here to there? How do I live and pay rent and struggle and battle to survive and be scared shitless of closeness and ... everything and nothing in particular, and be beautifully vulnerable? @Firefly, I'm not arguing with you - I just wish I could feel that it is applicable to and for me.

I'm really battling here - I have no clue what it is I feel or want to say.

 

[Firefly44]

@Pencil Start with something small. Sometimes the expectation of taking the full task can be daunting and rightfully so. When my ex first told me I needed to figure out what made me happy and do it, I laughed out loud-- in disbelief, in despair. If I knew, don't you think I would do it?! I imagine reading my post and listening to Brene Brown feels like the same thing.

To me, vulnerability is allowing yourself to see others as and to be seen by others as a human-- a human with similar challenges and hopes that they have. They don't have to see the full you (although one day you deserve to have someone who does and who loves you as a result). It's the feeling of "me too, you too."

Vulnerability can be asking someone you work with to have lunch with them (instead of assuming they will say no, that they'll be too busy, that they don't want to be your friend, that you have nothing in common, that you should be eating at your desk and working instead).

Vulnerability can be talking to someone you see day in and day out on the bus. No specific goal in mind. Just allowing them and yourself to talk about whatever it is.

Vulnerability can be allowing yourself to care for a plant or pet. Apparently, even tortoises can recognize their owners and show partiality (clearly not as much as a dog, but I imagine caring for a tortoise is also less hassle).