Ecdysis
Diamond Member
I've had big problems with sleep ever since childhood trauma started. I used to lay awake as a little kid, in absolute panic, way beyond midnight and only falling asleep when my brain/ body were literally so exhausted from the panic that I'd drop into a coma-like sleep.
Then I'd get woken up in the morning after only a few hours sleep, I'd be totally sleep-deprived and the next day of trauma would begin, with me totally unequipped to deal with it and waking up in a panic feeling totally overwhelmed.
This pattern has continued throughout my life.
I don't remember my dreams, so I've no idea what happens at night. I know that my sleep feels very heavy and comatose and I know from my dentist that I clench my teeth something crazy at night, so much so that my jaw bone has changed over the years and you can see the effects of intense jaw clenching on xrays.
I wake up each morning feeling dazed and confused, unsure of where I am and who I am and what day of the week it is, but with anxiety coming online straight away and my PTSD stress cup overflowing wildly before I even know what's going on.
It makes every morning a misery and I struggle hugely to wake up enough to work out what coping skills I need to get into place to try and deal with this mess first thing each morning.
One coping skill that often works is trying to go back to sleep immediately (ie. total avoidance) and sinking back into comatose sleep and ignoring the whole day and just turning my brain off using sleep. But that's obviously a quite maladaptive coping strategy because a) I don't get anything done, b) it doesn't solve the problem and c) over-sleeping comes with health problems of its own (lack of exercise, a tendency to increase depression symptoms, etc.)
I've no idea how to break free of this stupid cycle which has gone on for decades and decades.
How on earth can I get a strong enough skill-set to kick in the moment I wake up to counteract the panic/ stress cup overflowing thing the moment I regain consciousness?
Then I'd get woken up in the morning after only a few hours sleep, I'd be totally sleep-deprived and the next day of trauma would begin, with me totally unequipped to deal with it and waking up in a panic feeling totally overwhelmed.
This pattern has continued throughout my life.
I don't remember my dreams, so I've no idea what happens at night. I know that my sleep feels very heavy and comatose and I know from my dentist that I clench my teeth something crazy at night, so much so that my jaw bone has changed over the years and you can see the effects of intense jaw clenching on xrays.
I wake up each morning feeling dazed and confused, unsure of where I am and who I am and what day of the week it is, but with anxiety coming online straight away and my PTSD stress cup overflowing wildly before I even know what's going on.
It makes every morning a misery and I struggle hugely to wake up enough to work out what coping skills I need to get into place to try and deal with this mess first thing each morning.
One coping skill that often works is trying to go back to sleep immediately (ie. total avoidance) and sinking back into comatose sleep and ignoring the whole day and just turning my brain off using sleep. But that's obviously a quite maladaptive coping strategy because a) I don't get anything done, b) it doesn't solve the problem and c) over-sleeping comes with health problems of its own (lack of exercise, a tendency to increase depression symptoms, etc.)
I've no idea how to break free of this stupid cycle which has gone on for decades and decades.
How on earth can I get a strong enough skill-set to kick in the moment I wake up to counteract the panic/ stress cup overflowing thing the moment I regain consciousness?