Walked Out On Therapy Session... Now What?

[sweetcandy]

Today I walked out on a therapy session. I have only been seeing this therapist for 2 months and I was telling her about a relationship that I am having trouble with. I dissociate and get really overwhelmed and tend to say things I later regret. She made me feel so judged by her comments and told me I needed to stop that behaviour along with criticizing feedback. I told her that I was offended by her comments and stormed out of the therapy session.
I don't know if I can ever go to therapy again after how she made me feel. I just didn't feel safe.
I just needed to vent.

 

[mrsps]

Im sorry to hear you had a rough session today :(
A therapist shouldn't make you feel like that.
I guess you have 2 options, one is to go back and tell her how you felt and see what her reply to it is and if you can move on from it. Or if you don't feel she is a good fit can you find someone else?
I think it is really important to find a T that is a good fit. It may mean trying out a few different ones but is worth it in the long run.
Best of luck

 

[Seasounds]

I agree with Mrsps. A really skilled and "the right" therapist will adapt to you, will slow down, will take your feedback-to avoid triggering you. There is a therapist out there for you!
Good luck!

 

[BlueOrange]

she made me feel

I'm concerned by this phrasing. I'm concerned that you describe your behaviour as 'storming out', which suggests that you're not convinced you behaved appropriately. Our job in therapy is to work towards being harder to trigger, and managing our triggers more effectively. The world is never going to be completely safe - therapy is there to help us prepare for the world at large.

There are bad shrinks out there. There are also good shrinks who are imperfect. An important part of my therapy has been lowering my expectations of the therapist below 'perfect' and towards something that can actually be achieved.

One of the roles of a therapist is to call out inappropriate behaviours, and to get us to agree that they are wrong, and to help us stop them. So the question to ask yourself when you have a calm moment is this: "Was the behaviour that the therapist called out as inappropriate actually an inappropriate behaviour?" If so, then it may be worthwhile to contact the therapist and find out if they're willing to work with you to improve on that score.

I do agree that a good therapist will avoid triggering you. However, a therapist who never triggers you isn't a realistic thing to expect, and it's not going to help as much as an imperfect being that you can learn to put up with.

 

[Intrepid]

The last therapist I fired was because he was more allied with his training than with me. I was looking for someone who would listen and try to understand. He was looking for someone who would fit the mold. I don't fit molds well.

Not all therapists are the same. There are the 10% who are real losers, a lot of average therapists, and those few who are really prepared for the long haul. If this one wasn't the right one, keep looking.

I needed to stop that behavior along with criticizing feedback.

If you're therapist told you to stop, but wasn't prepared for the possibility that you needed help with that, then its a bad sign. Good luck with this.

 

[sweetcandy]

Hi BlueOrange, the behaviour my therapist told me to stop doing was actually inappropriate. I have this tendency to sabotage relationships when they get too close. Intimacy is a trigger for me and I will sabotage it, by having verbal outbursts when I'm triggered. It hurts those closet to me because I can go from one extreme to the other in a matter of seconds and she labelled it as inappropriate to say it nicely (not her exact words). I am a bit scared to write this on the forum but I'm doing it. I just wish I didn't have these outbursts.

 

[Queen Boudica]

I think a therapist should be able to tell you if you have done something inappropriate. Otherwise how will you ever know. I don't think it is their job to tell you everything you do is great they can, be more diplomatic, but if your problem is that you are saying to wrong thing to people then she does need to point out that you do need to stop doing it and you are the one in control of that. You recognise it, so you have to work hard to stop it. You are responsible for your actions. That is fundamental.

Frankly I wish someone had taken my mother aside and told her all the stuff she was doing that wasn't right. But she would have stormed out. And she did in family therapy for my sister and refused to listen to anything she could be doing that was wrong or should be changed.

Personally I want my therapist to tell me if I am doing the wrong thing. I would rather he told me than keep going on having problems and then I work on it in session on ways how to stop it. Than find I am isolating myself with everyone because of whatever I am doing that is socially inappropriate.

 

[Sandstone]

You wrote on another thraed

I always sabotage relationships. This isn't the first time. I am so used to pushing people away either by ignoring them for long periods of time or having an outburst or episode. I cant get close to people. I feel like they will hurt me. I just don't trust anyone.

How do you think this ties in to your response to your T?

 

[BlueOrange]

@sweetcandy I can really relate to that. Nothing triggers me more than intimacy and safety, I've worked through most of the other stuff, but my relationship sabotage is the number 1 problem that I have. (It's not as bad as it was, fortunately.)

I think people here will be very supportive. If you're naming your stuff and working on it, then people respect that. Now that you've explained further, I'd seriously encourage you to contact your T and see if the working relationship can be salvaged. If it can, then that would probably be a strong positive. If it can't, then a more skilled T is the thing to look for.

 

[ghotiff]

I can go from one extreme to the other in a matter of seconds

I you want to try again with your T, maybe an email explaining that this is what happened, that its a destructive pattern for you and you would like help recognizing before you change modes and then help to control the outburst.

Wishing you well. Don't be afraid to post the details here. We are here to support you.

 

[Rumors]

Isn't running out of therapy a form of sabatoging a relationship? Clearly everyone is different, however I am not sure that what she said wasn't appropriate. Perhaps you should frame her opinion differently? Good luck and I would go back.

 

[sweetcandy]

After thinking about it a little, perhaps it is a form of sabotaging. Whenever I get close to anyone even my T, it triggers me. I will go back and speak to her. Thank you for all your replies and supportive feedback, it was very helpful.